Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #561: Report to Engineering

The Enterprise-D crew works with Silly Putty from the mirror universe.

 

Picard: Which one is the "engage" button?



Duffy: Does Barclay still have control of the ship? Oh, God... I felt something.

Geordi: That's a turbolift, idiot



Data: Upon further study, I have determined it is an artificial intelligence, & I am already more loyal to it than I am to any of you



Geordi: It's still not level. Find another oddball object to stack it on



Lieutenant Commander Leland T Lynch: (Thinking) If I just keep reminding people of my entire name all the time, I'm guaranteed to be around longer than MacDougal, Argyle, & Logan,

 

Picard: "Klingon games are so damned frustrating!"

Riker: "Yeah, I'm glad Worf doesn't know we're playing this."

 

Data: "Counselor Troi said that I needed some color....this is her 'Impulse Engine Red'."

Riker: "I don't think you've quite got the hang of it."

Worf: "Lipstick is without honor!"

 

Thanks for the wins!



Riker: Sir, I believe the purpose of FaceTime is to communicate using video for people who are not in the same room.

Picard: And, I believe I didn't ask for your opinion, Number One!



Geordi: Wesley, reverse the polarity. Barclay, align the magnetic couplers. You people, prepare the deflector dish for an inverse tachyon pulse.

Duffy: You people? That's a little rude, don't you think? We have names! Mine's Duffy--

Geordi: That'll be enough out of you. Most of you I will never see again, so I don't see the point in naming you. You got that Engineering Tech #1?

Duffy: Yes, Sir.



Data: Lore gave me this and claimed it is an emotion chip from my father.

Riker: Data, that's great! What's the hesitation?

Data: It needs to be inserted anally.



Data: Geordi, I do not see the need for this. We have security officers who can perform these tests.

Geordi: I've been watching a lot of CSI: Vulcan and wanted to give it a try!



Lieutenant Commander Leland T Lynch: Engineer's Personal Log--I, Leland T Lynch, do not understand why Lt. Commander MacDougal laughed when I told her that I was replacing her as the chief engineer. Lt. Commander Argyle laughed even harder! I mean if they replace me, who are they going to make Chief Engineer? Logan? Or some dumbass junior grade bridge officer? NOT LIKELY! IT's Leland T Lynch forever, baby!

Data: And, furthermore, my grandmother was two cans and a string, so I believe I would find your comment to be highly offensive if I were able to process emotions.

 

Engineering Assistant Left: So, who's our boss this week?
Engineering Assistant Right: Dunno, but it doesn't matter, it will be someone different next week.
Lynch: Hey! I'm right here, you know.

 

Riker: "See, sir? With a little bit of imagination, you can turn even the dullest routine task into a workout."


Riker: "Thousands of adolescent experiences you could give Lal, and you go with pimples?"

 

Riker: You see sir, back in the 20th century there was this rock band called the Bangles. They did this song called "Walk Like an Egyptian", and the dance moves were very interesting ... um, let me see if I can do one of the moves.

Picard: Yes, I'm calling up the video from the ancient music library now. But, I don't think you quite got the move down yet.





Lynch: Hey guys, I'm sorry to tell you this, but don't let the lack of red color of your uniforms fool you. I'm saying a prayer, but don't expect it to help. Those jump-suits are the new marker for "you're gonna die soon".

 

PICARD: 7s.
RIKER: Go fish. Kings.
PICARD: Go fish. Aces.
RIKER: Go fish. 3s.
PICARD: Go fish.


Chief Engineers Log, Supplemental.
I think I'm gonna hire Barclay, need to shake up the department around here.

 

Engineer: There a cat in that air vent, and he's looking at us.

 

Thanks for the KBLA!



Data: Now that I have a desk, maybe you'll learn some respect meatbags.

 

Data: The phasers aim fine...so long as they're not fired while standing, sitting down, running, or while upset.

 

Crystals: Pffft, engineers. I do all the work around here....none of you jerks can get us to warp.
Engineer To Bridge: The Dilithium has become 'disgruntled', we're going to need them replaced.

 

Picard: Oh... Enterprise... Now I get it. This might take a while



Barclay: The Cytherians just keep watching me. Turns out they're like intergalactic stalkers



Data: One of my head's subcutaneous blinking lights fell out again



Data: Do I think Chief O'Brien will be hurt by what?



Crewman: Who's brilliant idea was it to handle this stuff like this? He's standing right behind me isn't he?

 

Middle Crewman: "It's got me! It's got me! ARGHHHHH!!!"
Lynch: "There's one in every class..."


La Forge: "What chipmunk face flash mob?"
Duffy: "Am I the only one who got the memo?"

 

Geordi: Okay guys, as you know Captain Picard is insisting we hold these "Gender Diversity in the Workplace Meetings."

 

La Forge: "It would appear we've reached an impasse."
Data: "Indeed."


Meanwhile, at the Federation Museum of War's "Mutually Assured Destruction" exhibit...

 

Geordi: At this height, who can't fail the limbo tournament?
Data: Only the actors who have to put rolled up socks or oranges into their uniforms.

 

Geordi: "Why does the Captain permit Riker to say that over the comm system?!"

 

Picard: Checkmate.
Riker: King me!
Picard: ...What?


Geordi: None of you are doing that thing where you're deliberately not looking at me while I talk again, right?