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Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #561: Report to Engineering

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The Enterprise-D crew works with Silly Putty from the mirror universe.
 
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Picard: Which one is the "engage" button?

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Duffy: Does Barclay still have control of the ship? Oh, God... I felt something.

Geordi: That's a turbolift, idiot

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Data: Upon further study, I have determined it is an artificial intelligence, & I am already more loyal to it than I am to any of you

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Geordi: It's still not level. Find another oddball object to stack it on

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Lieutenant Commander Leland T Lynch: (Thinking) If I just keep reminding people of my entire name all the time, I'm guaranteed to be around longer than MacDougal, Argyle, & Logan,
 
Thanks for the wins!

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Riker: Sir, I believe the purpose of FaceTime is to communicate using video for people who are not in the same room.

Picard: And, I believe I didn't ask for your opinion, Number One!

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Geordi: Wesley, reverse the polarity. Barclay, align the magnetic couplers. You people, prepare the deflector dish for an inverse tachyon pulse.

Duffy: You people? That's a little rude, don't you think? We have names! Mine's Duffy--

Geordi: That'll be enough out of you. Most of you I will never see again, so I don't see the point in naming you. You got that Engineering Tech #1?

Duffy: Yes, Sir.

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Data: Lore gave me this and claimed it is an emotion chip from my father.

Riker: Data, that's great! What's the hesitation?

Data: It needs to be inserted anally.

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Data: Geordi, I do not see the need for this. We have security officers who can perform these tests.

Geordi: I've been watching a lot of CSI: Vulcan and wanted to give it a try!

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Lieutenant Commander Leland T Lynch: Engineer's Personal Log--I, Leland T Lynch, do not understand why Lt. Commander MacDougal laughed when I told her that I was replacing her as the chief engineer. Lt. Commander Argyle laughed even harder! I mean if they replace me, who are they going to make Chief Engineer? Logan? Or some dumbass junior grade bridge officer? NOT LIKELY! IT's Leland T Lynch forever, baby!

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Data: Yes Geordi, I do hear your voice audio transmitted over the laser beam. However, I fail to understand how this is better than using communicators.
Geordi: Data, don't rain on my parade. Didn't you ever talk using two cans and string when you were a boy?
Data: Geordi, you know that I was never a boy.

Data: And, furthermore, my grandmother was two cans and a string, so I believe I would find your comment to be highly offensive if I were able to process emotions.
 
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Engineering Assistant Left: So, who's our boss this week?
Engineering Assistant Right: Dunno, but it doesn't matter, it will be someone different next week.
Lynch: Hey! I'm right here, you know.
 
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Riker: "See, sir? With a little bit of imagination, you can turn even the dullest routine task into a workout."

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Riker: "Thousands of adolescent experiences you could give Lal, and you go with pimples?"
 
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Riker: You see sir, back in the 20th century there was this rock band called the Bangles. They did this song called "Walk Like an Egyptian", and the dance moves were very interesting ... um, let me see if I can do one of the moves.

Picard: Yes, I'm calling up the video from the ancient music library now. But, I don't think you quite got the move down yet.



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Lynch: Hey guys, I'm sorry to tell you this, but don't let the lack of red color of your uniforms fool you. I'm saying a prayer, but don't expect it to help. Those jump-suits are the new marker for "you're gonna die soon".
 
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PICARD: 7s.
RIKER: Go fish. Kings.
PICARD: Go fish. Aces.
RIKER: Go fish. 3s.
PICARD: Go fish.

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Chief Engineers Log, Supplemental.
I think I'm gonna hire Barclay, need to shake up the department around here.
 
Thanks for the KBLA!

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Data: Now that I have a desk, maybe you'll learn some respect meatbags.
 
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Data: The phasers aim fine...so long as they're not fired while standing, sitting down, running, or while upset.
 
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Crystals: Pffft, engineers. I do all the work around here....none of you jerks can get us to warp.
Engineer To Bridge: The Dilithium has become 'disgruntled', we're going to need them replaced.
 
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Picard: Oh... Enterprise... Now I get it. This might take a while

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Barclay: The Cytherians just keep watching me. Turns out they're like intergalactic stalkers

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Data: One of my head's subcutaneous blinking lights fell out again

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Data: Do I think Chief O'Brien will be hurt by what?

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Crewman: Who's brilliant idea was it to handle this stuff like this? He's standing right behind me isn't he?
 
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Middle Crewman: "It's got me! It's got me! ARGHHHHH!!!"
Lynch: "There's one in every class..."

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La Forge: "What chipmunk face flash mob?"
Duffy: "Am I the only one who got the memo?"
 
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Geordi: Okay guys, as you know Captain Picard is insisting we hold these "Gender Diversity in the Workplace Meetings."
 
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La Forge: "It would appear we've reached an impasse."
Data: "Indeed."

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Meanwhile, at the Federation Museum of War's "Mutually Assured Destruction" exhibit...
 
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Geordi: At this height, who can't fail the limbo tournament?
Data: Only the actors who have to put rolled up socks or oranges into their uniforms.
 
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