Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #560: Yeah, that's broken.

[Herbert]

I have no idea where this came from. I think I'm just really bored right now

Data: Captain, the toasted marshmallow mine detonated perfectly.
Picard: Mr Worf, are your phaser and photon torpedo modifications online?
Worf: Yes captain.
Picard: Lock on and fire all chocolate phasers and graham cracker torpedos.

Fast forward 50 years. The location is Starfleet Academy in a class on modern history.
Professor: <addressing the students> .....fortunately for the Enterprise, they were able to re-engage their primary weapon systems and escape however that's why the promising S'mores Weapon Suite was discontinued as an ill conceived and abject failure, not unlike the earlier Spore Drive.

 

[Leviathan]

Sandurz: Pardon me, sir. I have an idea. Ensign, get me the video cassette of Star trek TNG-the Movie.
Riker: How could there be a cassette of Star trek TNG-the Movie? We're still in the middle of making it.
Sandurz: That's true, sir, but there's been a new breakthrough in home-video marketing.
Riker: There has?
Sandurz: Yes. We'll start at the episode labelled 'Code of Honor'...or maybe 'Angel One'?
Riker: Nnnnno. Go past that, past that part. In fact, never play that.

 

[Leviathan]

Data: Captain, the Romulans have deployed an unconvincing explosion effect.
Picard: It's a low budget FX attack! Fire phasers from our torpedo bay, and see if you can get that blob from 'Aquiel' up here.

 

[Leviathan]

Picard: Damn. We've got Jawas.

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: Is this a window or a view screen?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Next time, on "24th Century Antiques Road Show"...

Geordi: "Well, Captain, what you got here is a rare intake manifold assembly from an early 23th century experimental class Federation starship. If it were in better condition it might fetch one hundred to two hundred strips of gold-pressed Latinum, but as is it's maybe worth seventy-five strips."

Picard: "Merde."

 

[Catarina]

Riker: Damn, we got Hildi as our designer didn't we? [Trading Spaces reference]

 

[tharpdevenport]

Leadhead: "Any survivors?"

Geordi: "No, sir."

Leadhead: "That'll teach them to ask for winners."

 

[Qonundrum]

Wesley: "That's hot!"
Data: "If Tasha were here, she would say something. However, in lieu of her absence, would you want me to demonstrate instead?"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Worf: "sir, we are out of torpedoes and the phasers are offline."

Riker: "Wow, all independent phaser strips."

Picard: "Suggestions?"

Data: "Sir, I suggest beaming over a Samsung Galaxy Note 7 while their shields are down."

Picard: "Make it so!"

PAUSE

Picard: "And Wesley."

 

[LeadHead]

New Contest!

 

[dauntless]

PAT TALLMAN: "This never happens on Babylon 5..."