Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #560: Yeah, that's broken.

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: Any signs of intelligence, or trying to communicate?
GEORDI: No, I really think this is just junk we found floating in space.
PICARD: 999 out of 1000 times, it will be, but if we don't quarantine the space junk every single time just to be completely sure it's not super intelligent ancient technology, we'll be sorry that 1000th time when it takes over the ship!

PICARD: A Romulan warbird floating in space, on the verge of exploding. *Sigh*
DATA: What's wrong?
PICARD: It's just, of course we're going to render assistance, because that's what we do, and of COURSE they'll betray us and try to destroy us somehow, because that's what they do, and we'll go through an entire thing again where they're obviously trying to hide something from us and secretly using some secret technology to blow us up, and of COURSE we'll be all like, "This is a new era of cooperation between our peoples", while they are plotting to destroy us, and nobody will discover what they are doing until it's almost too late.
WORF: (Fires)
PICARD: What did you do that for?
WORF: Finger slipped, sorry.
PICARD: Well, I suppose it can't be helped, it happens to everyone. Alright, let's move on.

ENERGY BEING CONTROLLING DADTA: Why do I keep missing? I'm shooting point blank?
WORF: Geordi secretly programmed Data with Westworld rules just in case.

ENERGY BEING: No, we do not want contact with you primitive beings. You are too primitive, and we are so evolved. See how we are energy and you are solid matter. So primitive. We're just way too cool to hang out with you.
GEORDI: Data, run your trash talk subroutine.
DATA: It would appear that you are in the forcefield, and we are not, and thus you have been beaten by inferior solid beings. Ha ha ha.
ENERGY BEING: ...Shut up.

RIKER: ...This is how people used to watch entertainment programs in 1987? It's so fuzzy! And what's with all those lines? And why does the picture keep drifting vertically out of sync? And why does the fuzziness seem to get WORSE depending on where I stand in the room??!

 

[shivkala]

Geordi: I'm sorry sir, I do not think our warranty will cover this.

Picard: But we bought it with Federation Express, don't they have a buyer's insurance program or something.

Geordi: They do, but they specifically state they do not cover accidents deemed an "Act of Q."

Picard: Merde.

Data: *in a French Accent* Allo?
Romulan: Hello?
Data: *in a French Accent* Allo. How can I be of assistance?
Romulan: What?
Data: *in a French Accent* How can I be of assistance?
Romulan: I've got one of your laptops. It won't get past the loading screen.
Data: *in a French Accent* Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Romulan: Yes. Look, is there someone else I can talk to?
Data: *in a French Accent* There is no-one else available.
Romulan: All right, all right.
Data: *in a French Accent* What model do you have? -
Romulan: What model do I have? -
Data: *in a French Accent* Yes.
Romulan: It's a Zubion, I think.
Data: *in a French Accent* Ah, the Zubion. I have to say, we have been having problems with the Zubion. Can you press delete while starting up?
Romulan: I didn't get that.
Data: *in a French Accent* Can you press delete while starting up?
Romulan: No. That was worse somehow. Okay
Data: *in a French Accent* Can Can?
Romulan: Yes.
Data: *in a French Accent* Can you press, can you press delete? Delete. Delete.
Romulan: Can I press delete?
Data: *in a French Accent* While.
Romulan: Wheel?
Data: *in a French Accent* While.
Romulan: Whhhheeeel?
Data: *in a French Accent* While.
Romulan: Er during! While! While.
Data: *in a French Accent* Yes, while!
Romulan: Yes.
Romulan: Starting. *ship explodes*
Data: *in a French Accent* Allo?
Wesley: We have got to work on your IT support subroutine.

Worf: Lt. Alexander? Lyta! Don't just stand there with your eyes close, fire your phaser indiscriminately! Who taught you to be a security guard, anyway?

Data: I warned you that trapping the gases from your flatulence and igniting it would be inadvisable, Geordi!

Riker: Scrambled porn! This takes me back!

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Worf: "These recreations are so life-like. I actually feel like I'm being shot at."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Geordi: "And this is all that is left of the shuttle, Captain."

Picard: "What about Wesley?"

Riker: "He survived by beaming out at the last second."

Picard: "DAMN!"

Picard: "Any luck, number one?"

Riker: "I think I can make out a guy doing her and a some boobies. Sir, wouldn't it just be easier to pay for the SpacePorn subspace channel?"

Picard: "Never!"

 

[2takesfrakes]

PICARD: "Commander Data will be serving, temporarily, as your interpreter."
ALIEN: "Splendid! We have been without an interpreter since our master got angry with our last protocol droid and disintegrated him."
PICARD: "... Disintegrated?"

 

[Mr Soak]

Picard: But does it speak Bocce?

 

[TrickyDickie]

Riker: "Deanna was portraying Dorothy, from 'The Wizard of Oz', in a holodeck adventure. At the point where the wicked witch melts, the program went berserk and did all this."

Picard: "Hot, Gale-force winds, it would seem."

Geordi: "Makes you wonder what it would do if someone programmed it for a grilled-cheese sandwich...."

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Riker: "Cetacean Ops to Security. This is Commander Riker. There's some old Vulcan doing the backstroke in the dolphin tank."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Geordi: "Welcome to the Starfleet Mobile Interstellar Museum! If you look to your left you'll see the poor twisted unfortunate souls and damaged equipment from Admiral Kirk's continued efforts to run a transporter on a new ship he didn't know the ins and outs of yet even though a qualified technician was manning the controls."

 

[Qonundrum]

Geordi: "And this is all that is left of the shuttle, Captain."

Picard: "What about Wesley?"

Riker: "He survived by beaming out at the last second."

Picard: "DAMN!"

Slight alteration suggested:

.
.
.
Riker: "He survived by beaming out at the last second."

Picard: "Merde!"

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Geordi: "Didn't you read the sign?"
Data: "What sign?"
Geordi: "The one that says 'place any lifeforms you want abducted here'."
Data: "Spot..."

 

[Jedman67]

RIKER: "Captain, when did you last renew your drivers license?"

DATA: "...You make me happy when skies are gray..."

 

[Mr Soak]

Computer (increasingly slowly): Daisy, Daisy, tell me your answer true...

 

[inflatabledalek]

Picard: Geordi, we know you liked Chloe Bennett and thought she was better than that, but this is no way to react to the news of her dating Logan Paul.

Data: And that Wesley, is why Romulan ale is banned.

Dorn: No way in hell are you putting me in Discovery style Klingon make up for this TNG revival!

Data: We really need a dedicated lab, rather than doing all the dangerous experiments right next to the warp core.

Leadhead: Maybe I'll just call them all winners and save time?

 

[Leviathan]

LaForge: The ad said "Low miles shuttlecraft, good runner, needs some TLC".
Picard: You were warned about buying shuttles on eBay.

 

[Mojochi]

Picard: So what time this morning can I expect this shuttle to be operational?

The most ignominious part was that these were the last 2 faces everyone on that ship saw before getting destroyed by them

Worf's blind firing exercises were eventually deemed too hazardous

Geordi: Data, are you squinting? I'm pretty sure you could watch the warp core breach from inside & not blink

Riker: Yeah right. It's really convenient that every time the ghost is supposed to be visible, there's some kind of recording interference

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPINER: Wasn't that the only model?
SFX GUY: Shit...

 

[TribbleFeeder]

Thanks @LeadHead !!

Riker: What happened?
Picard: This is the aftermath of the Klingon mating ritual. It appears that Worf was here recently.

Data: I do appreciate viewing Windows XP screensavers from time to time.

Worf: Ensign! Why are you just standing there?
Ensign: Sorry, I thought I was scripted to be a red shirt in this scene.

Data: Data to Security. The department pranks must stop. If Ops gets one more glitterbomb I’m going to Picard.

Riker: So much for free HBO...

 

[Herbert]

Picard: Most of those scratches will buff right out

 

[tharpdevenport]

"Sir, I can't quite make out the winners of #559."