Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #560: Yeah, that's broken.

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone and welcome to the new contest!

Apologies for missing last week, I'm unexpectedly busy lately.

I didn't have the chance to put judge winners, but didn't want to be any later than I already am in starting a new contest.

So here's the new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Mister La Forge, you said this salvage would be useful.

La Forge: It is, think of all the paperweights we can make from this!

Riker: We use PADD's.

La Forge: Whoops.

Picard: Good work, Mister Worf. From now on, blow up every enemy ship with one shot.

Worf: Stop! Don't make Guinan get out that really big rifle she keeps behind the bar!

Data: Analysis complete, explosives explode.

Riker: Do we get any other channels on this?

 

[Mr Soak]

Riker: Wesley really doen't want to clean his room.

Wesley: Ooh, fireworks. Pretty!

Worf: What are you, a Stormtrooper?

LaForge: Keep your eyes closed, or the Ark of the Covenant will melt your face off!

First Officer's Log: I forgot to clean Livingston's tank. That captain is going to kill me.

Riker: Geordi! We live in the digital age, Why is this screen showing analog static?

 

[Herbert]

Riker: Worst swap meet ever

 

[Herbert]

Screen: Welcome to the Borg TV Network (BTN). Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated by our quality programming. Tonight on BTN....
7pm - Borg's Funniest Home Cube Videos
8pm - Flip This Sphere
9pm - House Drones of Cube 177375
10pm - Criminal Hive Minds
11pm - "Late Night" With The Borg Queen, guest host drone 4 of 8, musical guest the newly assimilated 5 of 5 (formerly known as Justin Bieber)
12:30pm - DIY Assimilations (Informercial) Are you a drone cut off from the hive mind and you just have to assimilate someone now? Not a problem. Here's how you do it in three easy steps.

Riker: You're going to have to assimilate me a little harder before I'll watch this crap.

 

[Herbert]

Worf: You aim well enough to be a storm trooper

 

[Herbert]

Worf: But with my eyes closed, I can't even see! How am I supposed to shoot?
Security Ensign: Your eyes can deceive you. Don't trust them. Stretch out with your feelings!

 

[Finn]

Geordi: What I find remarkable is that in all of this debris, it appears they don't have rocks stored in their bulkheads like we do....

 

[Leviathan]

MYSTERY SOLVED! Finally, photo evidence that all Sci-Fi security officers & troopers shoot with their eyes closed.

 

[Leviathan]

Data: Why are we testing potentially explosive things right beside the antimatter engines?
LaForge: Lowering security door, preparing to roll!
Data: Ah.

 

[Mutai Sho-Rin]

Lyta Alexander: The Vorlons never told me about this alternate universe.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: What happened here?
RIKER: Worf's Snickers bar got stuck in the machine.

 

[Qonundrum]

Picard: "I don't understand"
Riker: "Well sir, we saw this Borg wreckage and thought we could learn something from it. Unfortunately it's only a Borg Conception Chamber, but at least makes sense given the Borg Maturation Chamber."
Geordi: "Be grateful. We could have had a crossover with 'Sleeper' and ended up with an orgasmatron instead. Then you'd never see Riker again!"

Riker: "Mister Data, didn't I tell you not to put metal inside the microwave?"
Data: "But sir, you said 'Spice Channel.'"

 

[TrickyDickie]

Data: "We are actually seeing the layering structure of multiple adjacent universes."

Wes: "I'm seeing controversy, dead ahead."

 

[TrickyDickie]

Riker: "How are the repairs proceeding?"

Picard: "Even 'Flex Seal' has its limitations, Will."

Geordi: "You really should have taken better care of your childhood toys, Commander."

 

[TrickyDickie]

Data (singing): "I see the bald head rising....I see trouble on the way...."

Geordi: "Don't let the captain hear you singing that."

 

[Nerys Myk]

VOICE IN HIS HEAD: Do it, Riker...push the button. Get rid of the old coot.

 

[TrickyDickie]

Worf: "If you had not missed, I would have to kill you!"

Ensign: "Sir, he was just trying to clear the air."

 

[Nerys Myk]

GEORDI: I'm letting them out. What's the worst that could happen?

 

[TrickyDickie]

Deanna finds the video transmitter that was hidden in her quarters.