Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #540: Welcome aboard!

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest!

Apologies for the delays on this one, being sick sucks.

First we have the "Important Reminders" Award going to Mr. Laser Beam for:

Yar: That reminds me. Chef needs to get some new Brillo pads for the galley.


Next, we have the "Extortion" Award, going to inflatabledalek for:

Barclay: ...And if my mis-use of the holodeck doesn't go on my permanent record, I won't reveal which one of you used Captain Archer's chair in the NX-01 program for some Andorian Action.


Next, we have the "Syndication Censors on Line 2, Mister Roddenberry" Award, going to Teacity for:

Yar: "That looks ... quite nice (snicker)."
Troi: "I agree completely."
Riker: "I'm glad you both think so, because they sent three sets and we're all invited to the formal reception. So go into the next room and get changed ... that's an order."



Next, we have the "Ouch" Award, going to Mojochi, for:

The fact that the head trauma he'd caused Wesley was only temporary didn't diminish Worf's satisfaction



Next, we have the "What about the starfield simulator?" Award, going to Smellincoffee for:

Riker: Modern art makes no sense to me.
Troi: The little card says "Windows 3D Pipes"
Riker: Ohhh, so it's retro!...still doesn't make any sense.



Next, we have the "This time... IT'S PERSONAL" Award, going to Triskelion for:

Dix: And now to solve the mystery of who replaced my Earl Grey with Folgers Crystals.


Next, we have the "I feel shame as a minor action" Award, going to JirinPanthosa for:

RIKER: Quick Data, roll a saving throw versus electric!


Next we have the "My Struggle IV: Fans trying to watch My Struggle III" Award, going to orac for:

Wesley reacts to the X-Files 2018 season premiere.


Next, we have the "Because: safety" Award, going to tharpdevenport for:

Worf: "Sir, good news, in the 25th century we have finally eliminated exploding station panels."

Captain Old Beard: "Excellent, Mr. Worf."

Worf: "Instead we have replaced it with a giant glass pain directly inbetween my old station and the Ops stations, that crew will fall into and break and injure themselves on even though by the 25th century it should be impossible to break any glass by falling into it."

Captain Old Beard: "Well, as long as it's up there and I'm down here. Carry on."



Next, we have the "Yes, Mister Sherman, everything stinks" Award, going to Herbert for:

Picard: Hey nudnik, your shoes are untied.
Riker: They appear to be tied but I will go in for a closer look


Next, we have the "Challenges of doors" Award, going to Leviathan for:

Worf: Cant you ever just WALK through a door?


Our Photoshop Awards go to

CutieMcWhiskers:

Nerys Myk:

Continued in next post!

 

[LeadHead]

The award goes to Mr Soak for:

Picard: Captain's log. Q's insistence that he is unrelated to Trelane grow more dubious by the day.


Our Community Award from the most likes in the contest is... shivkala for:

Riker: So Android does have wireless charging!


Many thanks to everyone for participating and congrats to our winners!

And now our new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Welcome to the Enterprise, I'm sure your visit will be calm and pleasant as soon as we beam Ambassador Troi to another vessel.

Picard: I'm very concerned about potential contamination to the crew, so lets organize myself and 5 senior officers as the dangerous person beams in.

Riker: Worf always figured his future spouse would arrive in a Torpedo.

Worf: (thinking) Wish I could call it the Klingon Hello.

Picard: O'Brien, WHY DID YOU BEAM UP THE HAY?! What's wrong with you?!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD (Thinking): Don't picture her naked, don't picture her naked, don't picture her naked...GAH!
LWAXANA: (Giggle) Oh, Jean Luc!
PICARD: Damn it.

TROI: It's an advanced energy creature that doesn't want anything to do with us, quick, what should we do?
PICARD: Let's lecture it!
GEORDI: Let's see if it can take human form so we can date it!
WORF: Let's see if it possesses someone and try to fight it!
TROI: Let's give birth to it!
PULASKI: Shouldn't we just leave it alone?
PICARD: *Sigh* I don't know how to tell you this, but you're just not working out in this job.

PULASKI: Alright, Wesley's in the torpedo.
RIKER: Quick, let's fire it before his mother gets back!

WORF: FIRE!
GEORDI (Offscreen): WATER!
TROI (Offscreen): HEART!

WOMAN: Good news everybody! The people who think we're quaint and silly are prostituting us to a colony of clones!
ALL: Horray!

 

[Tenacity]

Riker: "What is it?"
Pulaski: "According to the shipping tag your previous Captain left you a telescope in her will."

Q (os): "I'm back arrrggggg."

 

[Nerys Myk]

MEANY: HR, here I come.

 

[Orac]

Thanks for the win!

Riker: Geez Louise, it stinks inside this thing!
Pulaski: She's dead Jim.
Obrien: Fuck!

Picard: Well Mister Worf, are you going to kill it or kiss it?

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: Intruder neutralized!
PICARD: You just shot our conn officer.
WORF: He was off duty, sir and therefore not supposed to be on the bridge.
PICARD: *sigh*

 

[shivkala]

Thanks everyone for the win!

Picard: Dr. Pulaski, we've come to serenade you as you leave the ship!

Pulaski: Beaming is bad enough, but singing...God I can't get off this ship fast enough!

Picard: Picard to O'Brien, something's wrong, you've distorted Troi!

Pulaski: Not sure why I'm here. I don't even think they count as life forms, so why am I assessing Data's mail-order android bride?

Worf: If only you knew the power of the Federation. K'ehleyr never told you what happened to your father..

Alexander: She told me enough! She told me you killed him!

Worf: No. I am your father.

Alexander: No. No! That's not true! That's impossible!

Picard: Okay, Worf, that's enough. Children shouldn't be on the bridge, let alone recreating scenes from rival franchises. And, reconfigure that phaser back to its original mode!

O'Brien: I really hate "Family Visitation" weeks! Okay, Mom, Dad, various siblings, livestock, let me show you to your quarters.

 

[Nerys Myk]

O'BRIEN: Wouldn't it be easier to just disintegrate the body?

 

[Herbert]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead

Worf: Lookee me. I'm a jedi with a lightsaber
Troi: <offscreen> It's awfully small.
Worf: <indignant> It is NOT! It's normal Klingon size
Troi: <pauses> Well, they do say size doesn't matter. It's all how you use it, right?
Ensign Pony Tail: Yeah.........sure.

 

[Triskelion]

Thanks for the win Leadhead!

Picard: Welcome to the Milky Way Galaxy, Major Winchester. Geordi, you lock down the replicators. O'Brien, put on a dress. Lwaxana -
Lwaxana: Call me Beej.

Troi: Nobody came to my birthday disco roller party.
Pulaski: You served juice boxes.
Worf: I was not invited.
Troi: I didn't think Klingons -
Worf: A warrior likes to be asked! <skates off>

Riker: The label says "Please Deliver This Emissary to Deep Space Nine in the Bajora System."
O'Brien: How do you spell the name? K'Ehlahr?
Riker: K'Elaiyr?
Pulaski: Kleyorr?
Riker: Kaylrr?
O'Brien: Kl'Ayer?
Pulaski: - Or we could just go get hammered.
All: Hell yeah!
K'Ehleyr: It's capital "K" apostrophe capital "E" guys! Guys?
...
I'm pretty sure it's capital "E".
...
Screw it - Bajora sounds like it's part of the genitals anyway.

Riker: How did Triskelion manage to make the Up The Long Ladder caption more offensive than the actual episode?
Picard: He actually restrained himself, Number One.
Worf: That boy ain't right!

O'Brien: McMarried...McPregnant...McSausagefest...McKid...<eyes sheep> McJackpot!

 

[Herbert]

Picard: Remind me again why the transporter pad is set so high?

 

[Leviathan]

Thanks for the Win - and no need to apologize...the nag-the-judge captions are some of the best.

Irish: Mr O'Brien, we are the Irish People's Liberation Front and we've come to rescue you from this chamber of boredom.

 

[Herbert]

Thanks for the Win - and no need to apologize...the nag-the-judge captions are some of the best.

Irish: Mr O'Brien, we are the Irish People's Liberation Front and we've come to rescue you from this chamber of boredom.

O'Brien: Umm, you don't look very intimidating.
Irish: That's by design. We lull our victims into a sense of complacency by looking completely non threatening and then BLADOW!, multiple phaser blasts up the yin yang.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the win!

Worf: Mosquito!
Picard: MISTER WORF THAT WAS THE AMBASSADOR.

Pulaski: Gentleman, he's dead, but...we can rebuild him! We have the technology!

Passenger: (psuedo-Irish gibberish)
Colm Meaney: Oh, hell no.

 

[Leviathan]

O'Brien: Umm, you don't look very intimidating.
Irish: That's by design. We lull our victims into a sense of complacency by looking completely non threatening and then BLADOW!, multiple phaser blasts up the yin yang.

Irish: That's how we roll on planet Stereotypia.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Welcome to the Enterprise, we've set the replicators in your quarters for potatoes, whisky and Lucky Charms.
O'BRIEN: I can't leave this ship soon enough

 

[tharpdevenport]

Beverly: "Emergency medial transport!"

Picard: "Dr. Crusher, who are you beaming aboard?"

Beverly: "An injured sparkly vampire."

Picard: "Picard to ensign O'Brien -- LOSE THAT PATTERN!"

 

[Leviathan]

This week on Star Trek: The Next Generation: Alien gets probed, finds it uncomfortable.