Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #533: The Bechdel Test

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest, with a LOT of winners!

First up to the plate, we have the "Design variations" Award, going to Nerys Myk for:

VARLEY: Yeah, but I don't see your ship rocking a cool printed circuit thingy behind the captain's chair.


Next, we have the "Ancient History" Award, going to tharpdevenport for:

Riker: "Look at me, Mr. Worf -- I put a foot off the metal flooring. I'm adventurous!"

Worf: "Careful, Commander, last time you got adventurous you grew a beard."

Riker "Hey!"


Next, we have the "Do your own job!" Award, going to Mojochi for:

Laforge: Hey! In this lighting, I look like I'm back in my old command uniform

Picard: How about commanding the warp drive to work, ey commander?



Next, we have the "Sooner or later, everyone says Shut Up Wesley" Award, going to shivkala for:

Data: Ball playing is not permitted in the hotel lobby, Lal.

Wesley: But, sir, this is the lounge on the Enterprise, not a hotel lobby.

Lal: Shut up, Wesley.


Next, we have the "Good question!" Award going to Leviathan for:

Picard: So...how exactly are you scary?



Next, we have the "I know, I know!" Award, going to tharpdevenport for:

Still on the hunt for the winners of Caption this! 529 and 530.



Next, we have the "shoe's on the other foot now" Award, going to Mojochi for:

Crusher: How ironic. Normally it's the living patients unexpectedly dying


Next, we have the "Sleeping in on Sundays is irrelevant" Award, going to Jedman67 for:

Worf: "Odd. According to this, there should be a borg drone right in front of us- oh."
<whiir><beep>
Borg: "May we interest you in our Lord and Savior Unimatrix H. Zero?" </whiir></beep>


Next, we have the "But, but... the High Ground!" Award, going to Red Shirt for:

Riker reenacts his version of Anakin sliding into the lava crying out, "I Hate You!"


Next, we have the "Not really a form of flattery here..." Award, going to Triskelion for:

Worf: I AM SENSING NO PEOPLE ARE HERE, CAPTAIN!
Riker: I WILL TAKE TEN POINT FIVE SEVEN NINE EIGHT SEVEN FIVE ONE THREE EIGHT SECONDS TO FINISH THIS SENTENCE, CAPTAIN!
Worf: I AM TWELVE YEARS OLD YET I CAN STEER A FOUR POINT FIVE MILLION METRIC TON DISPLACEMENT WAR MACHINE!
Riker: NUMBER ONE! FETCH ME EARL GREY! SHAKESPEARE BLADDY BLAH BLAH BLAH!
Com: Picard to away team, how's it going?
Riker: It's pretty quiet over here, sir.


Next, we have the "Solanagen Based Aliens with limited dexterity" Award, going to inflatabledalek for:

Fish Man: Five fingers! This creature can easily hold tools! The bastard!


Next, we have the "The PIcard is not amused" Award, going to Smellincoffee for:

Picard: Mister Barclay, stop stimulating yourself!
(muffled snickers)
Picard: Oh, grow up, you two.


Next, we have the "There's plenty of time to eat in Seasons 1 and 5..." Award, going to JirinPathosa for:

WORF: It's a DVD set. He must have tried to watch all of Babylon 5 in one sitting and forgot humans needed to eat.


Next, we have the "Slimy Technobabble" Award going to Nerys Myk for:

LA FORGE: Sir, what you had there is what we refer to as a focused, non-terminal, repeating phantasm or a class-five full-roaming vapor. A real nasty one, too


Next, we have the "Resistance is futile, they just keep sending more and more junk mail!" Award, going to Mr Soak for:

I am Locutus of Borg. Can I interest you in our range of life insurance policies? Resistance is futile.




Continued in Post 2.

 

[LeadHead]

Our Photoshop Awards go to

Nerys Myk:

WORF: The Captain has been kidnapped by a bunch of zombie-cyborgs bent on enslaving the Galaxy. Could things get any worse?
SHELBY: Things just got worse.


Cutie McWhiskers:

Shivkala:

Picard: Captain's Personal Log--From time to time, I like to contact other Galaxy class ships and just see what they've done to them. Note to self, Yamato has an interesting teal design on the security console behind the captain's chair, but the printed circuit board painting does not look good at all.

Varley: You, know, Jean-Luc, when you start monologing a Captain's Log, the rest of us can hear you. And this painting really ties the bridge together, damn it!


Finn:

CMO Log: Weird, Those ghosts turned me on...


Mr Soak:

Security Cheif's Log: We have lured Commander Shelby to the Borg cube. She has noty yet realised that her phaser doesn't work. The rest of the away team will transport back as soon as we retrieve Captain Picard. We hope the Borg accept this exchange.

Many KBLs!

inflatabledalek:

Picard: Why do we have carpet on a starship anyway?


captain crow

Worf: Damn. No bars in here.


CorporalCaptain

Worf: (surreptitiously) OK, Commander Riker, we've maneuvered Shelby so that she's standing under the pointy device. Now what?


Leviathan:

LaForge: He's outside our space-time continuum....leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once when wrong and hoping that each time his next leap will be the leap home.

Picard: I've seen this before. We have to stop him before ends up captaining a ship in our past.


Laura Cynthia Chambers:

Worf: "Got any more of those complementary mints left?"

 

[LeadHead]

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, I've been thinking lately that it's easy for the women of TNG to not get that much time in the contest. So i wanted to have a contest where the male characters are not featured. Strictly speaking the images here do not pass the Bechdel test as there is discussion of male characters in some of these scenes, but it would not be perfect.

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Troi: Let's try tobe friends with her before Guinan magically becomes her BFF.

Troi: People who have glass tables shouldn't throw punches.

Guinan: Is there a problem?

Troi: This chocolate cake has raspberry filling. Get me a proper chocolate cake!

Crusher: You should be able to sense more than just tension, fear and confusion. Why can't you?!

Lwaxana: This tastes terrible.

Troi: Oh no. Computer locate Ambassador Citrus.

 

[Nerys Myk]

TROI: They're the only two seats left in the place.
CRUSHER: We could come back later.
TROI: Later it is.

TROI: Who knew Klingons had catsuits?

LWAXANA: Jean-Luc won't miss them. Lord knows your father didn't.

GUINAN: Let me give you some advice...
TROI: That's supposed to be my job!
GUINAN: Yeah, about that.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Woo-pie: "Hi. I heard you had the nerve to complain about how they dress your character. I am here to give you instant regret on that comment."

 

[JirinPanthosa]

RO: Should I bring up the fact my entire race is enslaved now and the Federation isn't doing anything? Nah, want to enjoy the conversation.

K'ELYHR: What? I'm not venting. Table breaking is the most popular Klingon sport. I was on the Varsity team!

DEANNA: Guinan, do you have any REAL chocolate? I mean real chocolate, not the artificial replicated version.
GUINAN: Last time I told you it was real chocolate it was actually replicated and you couldn't tell the difference.
DEANNA: ...Nono, it just TASTES BETTER when it's real! I swear!

BEVERLY: These readings...I knew it! She's lying about being empathic and just stating the obvious reading of the person's body language!

DEANNA: Mother...EAT THE CARROT!

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win!

Troi: You're right, Beverly, our jobs are similar. We should team up!

Crusher: It's so obvious! I heal their bodies, you heal their minds.

Troi: Let's start with Ensign Ro, I bet working together, we can get her sorted out.

Crusher: It's probably a man. I bet she has a thing for Captain Picard. I mean, I never saw the attraction, but, to each their own.

Troi: Damn it, Beverly, we were coming so close to passing the Bechdel test!

K'Ehlyr: Oh, you think this is bad? You should have seen what happened when my grandmother took a human as a hostage!

Troi: I thought your grandmother surgically altered an albino Klingon into a human?

K'Ehlyr: It's...complicated!

Guinan: Yes, good, keep eating those sundaes.

Troi: Guinan?

Guinan: Don't mind me. I'm not trying to fatten you up. Certainly not to eat you.

Crusher: Ewww, Worf? Really? You are having sex dreams about Worf?

Troi: Mother, please tell me you're not going to pull the "grape tomato in the cleavage" trick again!

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: That nosehair has been bugging me all day. I'm so gonna pluck it.

 

[Jedman67]

CRUSHER: "I sense much fear in you."
TROI: "I'm not afraid."
CRUSHER: "You will be. You will be!"

K'EHLYR: "Contemplate, for a moment, the beauty and asymmetry. The tines on this sculpture stand out, warning all who pass by of the danger involved. Elegant and deadly."
TROI: "That's just a table Wesley knocked upside down."
K'EHLYR: "This...Wesley...is he a formidable warrior? Can he fight a targ one-handed while navigating the echelons of the Council; hunting in the field and the halls of power? Does he have many deeds to his name? Any glorious epics worthy of song?"
TROI: "He gets yelled to 'shut up' a lot."
K'EHLYR: "Shut Up??"
TROI: ".....Well.....the Captain wants to execute him...."
K'EHLYR: "A formidable opponent then. I shall have to meet with this Wesley...ahaha!"
TROI: "The rest of us would be forever in your debt!"

 

[Triskelion]

T4TWLH!

Guinan: NOW WITNESS THE POWER OF THIS FULLY ARMED - AND OPERATIONAL - BATTLE STATION!
Troi: Do what now?
Guinan: My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!!!
Troi: Can I help you?
Guinan: SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!!!!
Troi: I don't know about soylent green, but is there soylent chocolate?
Guinan: Mom! Dad! It’s evil! Don’t touch it!
Troi: Nobody's going to get that one.
Guinan: I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe...Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion...I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate...All those moments will be lost in time…like tears in rain…...Time...to...die.
Troi: You are just going to keep trying things until something works, aren't you.
Guinan: ♫ ♬ Around...the world...in eighty mother-shakareein' days.... ♩ ♪
Troi: Well if you're going to revive your one-woman Broadway show from 1985, I'll just leave.
...
...
Guinan: I still got it. ♩ ♪ Da do be doo - ksh ksh ksh ksh ♫ ♬

 

[CorporalCaptain]

@LeadHead, thanks for the KBL!

Troi: Man trouble?

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Troi: "What happened to your neck?"
Kehlyr: "I've been trying to figure out what this sculpture's supposed to be for three hours now..."

Green suit guy: "Photobomb!"

 

[JirinPanthosa]

K'Ehlyr: Oh, you think this is bad? You should have seen what happened when my grandmother took a human as a hostage!

Troi: I thought your grandmother surgically altered an albino Klingon into a human?

Alternate ending:

K'Ehlyr: Nono, my grandfather WAS an albino Klingon who murdered the sons of Kor, Koloth and Kang.

 

[Nerys Myk]

K'EHLYR: Four swords might have been overkill.
TROI: Literally.

 

[tharpdevenport]

"There are four swords!"

Troi: "Yes. Yes there are."

 

[ThankQ]

"Riker brought this back from Risa. How it works is..."
"...Yeah, I'm fine being in the dark on that one."

 

[Leviathan]

TFTW & KBLA!

Chief Medical Officers Log: Success! I've cured 'Exposition Syndrome', commonly referred to as Captain Obvious Disease.

 

[Leviathan]

Ro: If only there was a place that accepted edgy, rebellious rule breakers....like on some sort of space station near a wormhole.

 

[Triskelion]

Crusher: And another patient, same symptoms! Brain full of wifi tumors! It's an uncanny mystery! Nurse! More scan thingies!