Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #513: Take that, Wesley!

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone!

Sorry to be so behind on starting this context. The winners from the last one will be posted along with the winners of this contest this coming weekend.

Since i'm late and since "The Inner Light" deserves to have the full week for its contest, we're going to take a detour and let Wesley Crusher get some laughs in.

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Computer, deactivate turbolift safety protocols.

Wesley: What?!

Turbolift doors close.

La Forge: Make a few more of those and we won't have to make ensigns rearrange furniture by hand anymore.

Beverly: Wesley, you've been here for 12 hours. Don't you ever take a break?

Wesley: Recalirating the warp plasma injectors is like a HALO LAN party for me.

Picard: Have we fixed the replicators yet? Worf and the kid are clearly hungry.

Riker: Out of my way or I'll make you clean every one of these Jeffries Tubes with a toothbrush!

 

[Finn]

Riker: T'pol?

 

[Jedman67]

"I love you!"
"I know!"

 

[shivkala]

Wesley: I'm not on the bridge, Sir.

Picard: Is this your version of that annoying childhood prank, "I'm not touching you?"

Wesley: I invented a tractor beam!

LaForge: I may be drunk off a space virus, but haven't we had tractor beams for like over a century?

Wesley: But it's small!

Wesley: Mom, do you have to come down and watch me?

Beverly: Don't mind me, I'm just checking you for male pattern baldness. No reason.

Picard: I'm sorry, Number One, while, yes, you are technically touching your chest, I never said, "Simon Says," so it's irrelevant. Tasha, Geordi, Data, you guys are still in, Will, Worf, Wesley, you guys are out.

Riker: Me? I'm hiding out from a clingy one-night stand. The question is what the Hell are you doing here?

Wesley: Uh, same?

Riker: Yeah, sure you are. Hey, is that Geordi behind you?

LaForge: Yeah, clingy one-night stand, too. Totally. They're the worst.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WES: You're not wearing Assless Chaps, are you?
PICARD: Wearing what?!
WES: Never mind, not sure why I said that.
PICARD:That boy's just not right.

 

[Finn]

Picard: Your father did the same thing whenever he screwed up something in Engineering...

Wesley: Umm...I have a plan to save the day...

Picard: So did he....

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: Wesley! The turbolift is not a bathroom!
WESLEY: But I really have to go!!!

WESLEY: See that? It's a tiny time machine. Every time I make a mistake with a girl I can just set time back a few minutes.
GEORDI: Can I use it?

WESLEY: Not now Mom, I'm meddling with forces that could unmake the universe if I'm not feeling happy feelings.
BEVERLY: Don't stay up past your bedtime!

RIKER: Shut up, Wesley!
PICARD: Shut up WESLEY.
DATA: SHUT, up Wesley.
WORF: SHUT UP WESLEEEYY!
Wesley: Okay, I've decided. This year's winner is...Lt Worf!

WESLEY: Oh, sorry, is this your secret sex place?
RIKER: Yes. Go away.
WESLEY: Okay, let's try two decks up Robin.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WES: But Ambassador Troi is on board!
RIKER: It's every man for himself, boy. Find your own bolt hole!

 

[Mr Soak]

Picard: Your mother never told you what happened to your father.
Wesley: She told me enough. She told me you killed him.
Picard: No, Wesley. I am your father.
Wesley: No! That's impossible!
Picard: Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Wesley: Nooooooo!

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Picard: "At ease, Mr. Crusher. I am no longer..."hangry"."
Wesley: "Really? 'Cause I've got a Snickers in my back pocket. I can throw it to you."

Riker and Wesley (in unison): "Please tell me this isn't a mirror."

Wesley: "Nope. This isn't a shape shifter either. On to the next room."
La Forge: "Hey, Wes. You ever stop to wonder why out of all the crew on this ship, Captain Picard assigned this task to us?"
Wesley: "Because we're smart, efficient and capable?"
La Forge: (claps Wesley on the shoulder) "Yeah. That's it."

Picard: "On this ship, we put our hands over our hearts when the Federation anthem plays."
Riker: "You know, just a thought, sir, but maybe you ought to be less concerned with my defiance than the fact that the "Human" Mr. Crusher touched his stomach area instead."
Alien infiltrator: (thinking) "Blast."

 

[inflatabledalek]

Picard: Why are you hiding boy?

Wesley: This contest is called "Take that, Wesley!", and I know what sort of minds post in these threads.

Geordi: You know we can just bean furniture about?

Acting Ensign's Personal Log: I've just programed the computer to read all my diaries and psychological profiles and asked it to create a hologram of my perfect woman. I can't wait to look up and see her now it's done. I'm sure it won't be psychologically damaging.

Picard: Why are you all looking at something different? Are my speeches that bad?

Wesley: Jesus, I need a shave. And I'm getting fat.

Riker: This isn't a mirror Wesley.

 

[Qonundrum]

Picard: "Wesley, I can see you kicked in the turbolift vent down there. Come out here and pay your 50 quatloo fine."

Geordi: "That's interesting Wes, but wouldn't it be easier just to get Data's cat to pee on it?"

Beverly: "Wes, when you're doing syncing your iPhone, help me install Angry Birds onto mine. And don't I look better with red hair?"

Picard: "Do you smell that?"
Riker: "Not me."
Worf: "It was the boy!"
Wesley: "It was not! You can't see my waving my hand behind my back so you can't prove it!"
Data (turns head): "My olfactory circuits indicate otherwise."

Riker: "Wesley, I told you that finding the way to the ladies' locker room is not above this corridor! Go away"
Wes: "Yes, sir. Sorry sir."
(Wes crawls the other way)
Riker (whispering): "Haha, sucker!"
Computer voice: "As of stardate 43989.1, all corridor conversations are recorded at all times."
Riker: "Computer! Delete all conversations involving Command Riker. Authorization code: 1-2-3-4-5"
Picard (on intercom): "That's the same code that's on my luggage!"

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Well don' t be shy, boy. Tell me what you think of this one.
Wesley: It might be more commanding, sir, if it wasn't a bit flaccid.
Picard: I assure you it is as stiff and angry as it ever was!
Wesley: I don't think Admiral Nakamura's Giant Robot is in any danger of losing at this year's annual Ensigns of Command Posture Contest.

Geordi: That's it, we're changing rooms again for the fifth time!
Wesley: Why'd I even bring along a black light to a Trek convention anyway?? And why is it always the chair??

Beverly: How's my favorite patient?
Wesley: I'm not your patient, I'm your son.
Beverly: I was talking to the Lumbar-Destroyer 5000 Console.

Picard: Well this is awkward.
Data: Then how about NONE of you putting your leg up on my console?!

Riker: - and that's where babies come from.
Wesley: Section nineteen junction B-Alpha?

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Wesley: "Mom, you can move now. I know it's really you."
Beverly: "Sorry, son. It's your first day on the job. I just wanted to-"
Wesley: "-stalk me?"
Beverly: "'Stalk' is such an ugly word. I prefer "shadow"."
Wesley: "Fine. Would you please shadow somebody else?"

 

[Jedman67]

Wesely: "Just a minute mom, I need to finish setting the self-destruct sequence!"

 

[Honorable Ensign]

For all his giftedness, Wesley sucked at Hide-and-Seek.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: What are you up to Wesley?
WES: Just running through the crews genetic database. Wanna hear something weird?
CRUSHER: okay....
WES: The captain is my closest genetic match. Even closer than you!
CRUSHER: heh heh...yeah....weird...

 

[LeadHead]

No, I haven't forgotten about starting a new contest. A new one will start tomorrow.

 

[Ithekro]

PICARD: Hello there. Come here my little friend. Don't be afraid.