Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #489: It's Data!

[Paradise City]

Picard (offscreen): OK. OK. Now who’s responsible for that ship-board gaseous anomaly?
Worf? Riker? Data is that you? Fess up.

Data: It could not have been me sir. Doctor Soong designed my emissions to give off a pleasing rose tinted diesel aroma.

Data: This f%!”g muppet on TrekBBS reckons I’m *dead* when you flick my "off button"?!!

Care to explain this Doctor Beverly McMotorMouth of the Clan McGossip?!!

Data: There goes that bald man. That beautiful bald man. As hairless as the day he was born. But not a care in the world! Did you know that once humans were so self-conscious they elected an Orange man as leader who was so insecure he wore a toupee to cover his own follicle deficiencies? Now you can have complete follicle failure and no one even thinks twice!

Picard: Data! Data!! We need options – now!!

Data: Captain. That fly....is back…wait a minute…wait..a..minute…gotcharggghh! Dammit!

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Leadhead!

Data: Check it out. I'm moonwalking.
Picard: You are indeed fully functional, Data.
Data: And this is only ONE of my multiple techniques!

Data: Here is your problem, Doctor. Where the form asks for "Sex" Lieutenant Worf wrote "Male."
Doc: That jerk screwed up my whole experiment.

Data: So we were cooking with helium with a couple o' dishes from the bobbysocks brigade when some dead hooping anchor clankers starting cutting a rug right in the middle of our licorice stick jits and jive. Next thing you know swabbie's peeping at my able grable, and instead o' flippin' a wig at that floy floy, I says to the drip, hey Christopher Columbus, why don't you and your slack happy squiddies go swing a wing on a plate of goo and moo! The bird with the rusty dusty is knockin' it out with an on-the-beam alligator with gab duds, clams and a jalopy!
Geordi: And then what happened? Did you get the girl?
Data: Almost!
Geordi: All right!

Data: Oh shit. Has that camera always been there?

This time I will try the number three instead of three pictures of Spot. Decompressing the cat box did NOT have a good result.

 

[Hutchy01]

Data: Could be on a winner here, Worf. Alright, play it nice and cool, son, nice and cool. You know what I mean?

 

[Tenacity]

Data: "Sir, we have reach the planet Endor."
Picard: "And the large moon?"
Data: "That is the forest moon of Endor"
Picard: "The moon has it's own moon?"
Data: "That's no moon Captain, it's a space station."

Data: "Did you know that humans once elected a man with orange hair?"
Worf: "Orange is the new black."

Data: "Doctor, isn't it considered rude to read other peoples mail?"
Bev: "Oh, don't mind me."

 

[Finn]

WORF: If I ever get a real bridge job, I'll have a cup holder for my prune juice installed.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the Log Entry

Data: "Is this what you meant by 'one moon circles' Counsellor?"

Crusher: "Four of spades over five of hearts."
Data: "I was under the impression that solitaire was a game for one, Doctor."

Data: "I see there is much to learn about humanity from detective fiction. I have scanned the programs on offer and booked some more time in the holodeck if you are interested, Geordi."
Geordi: "Sounds like fun. Who do you have in mind, Sherlock Holmes, Poirot, Maigret?"
Data: "Magnum. I am having the moustaches replicated as we speak."

Worf's Personal Log: "Judging by the dopey look on the android's face after he came back from Lt. Yar's quarters. I must remember never to have sex with a human. It obviously kills brain cells."

Data: "I'll figure out this matchbox trick if it deactivates me!"

 

[Finn]

Data: I found it...Vash's page.

Beverly: I knew it! A picture of Jean-Luc as her cover photo. Oh, the bastard liked it.

 

[Leviathan]

A little known fact: the bridge lighting was controlled by Data's 'Dimmer' function.

 

[Leviathan]

Once a year, Data had an inexplicable urge to dress up as someone named Judge Harry T Stone and speak in a thick rural accent.

 

[Finn]

Second Officer's Log. I hope Wesley's wearing a diaper

 

[inflatabledalek]

Data: One moon circling? Oh no, not again...

Data: I fail to see the reason for your agitation at the Captain changing his relationship status to "It's complicated".

Geordi: Can you believe people used to dress like that? Thank goodness for our timeless fashion sense.

Data: So why did Klingon foreheads change anyway?

Science Officer's Personal Log: Almost run out of cat litter, best order some more with my Amazon Dash device. Luckily it's compatible with Android.

 

[Ln X]

Picard: Kill them! Kill them all!

<The real Picard Maneuver.>

Data: Computer, display latest porn.

Data: It was a sticky, throbbing, oozing mess... But I experienced a unique... positronic function

Data: Hi baldy!

The name's Data... Just Data.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: Can I keep him .Captain? I promise I'll take care of him!!!
PICARD: Like you did with the nanite?
DATA: Pleeeeeese!!!!!!!

 

[shivkala]

Picard: Down in front!

Crusher: So I just downloaded the new Microsoft operating system, but it doesn't seem to be working. Can you help, Data?

Data: Sorry, Doctor, but I do not do Windows.

Crusher: I hate you.

Data: So this dame, she was a real Dumb Dora, if you know what I mean. She starts talking to this gumshoe by the name of Hill, and we figure she is going to finger us as she's peaching to the coppers. So I am packing heat, I have my gat and I am ready to fit her for a Chicago overcoat, if you know what I mean.

Geordi: It's amazing that you can affect the accent and the slang, but you still can't use a contraction!

Data: Has that door always been over there?

Data: Second Officer's Log--I have decided on the perfect message to send to myself in the past to avoid our continued deaths continuing this loop. I have encoded the message in binary: 01001100 01101001 01110011 01110100 01100101 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110011 01110100 01101001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01101110 01110101 01110100 01110011 00101110 I believe my past self will get the message quite clearly, "Listen to stink nuts."

 

[Finn]

Crusher: That's lot of...videos and memes of Spot.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the win!

Data: Captain, the body in orbit is not a natural satellite.
Geordi: Data, we've done that joke already.

Data: The captain's searches of the medical database are distressing, to say the least.
Crusher: I'll say. He'll never get my croissants again!

Data: Dixon Hill's mystery is solved, but a greater one remains: why do we keep the bottom button on these suits unfastened?

Data: Mr. Worf, an alien intruder is on the bridge. Please fling yourself into the air so that we may proceed to the next part of the intruder's defeat.
Worf: *sigh*

 

[Tenacity]

Data: " Geordi, since Tasha was killed, I find myself ... "
Yar: "Hey, I'm still here."

 

[Catarina]

Director of Photography off camera: someone get Spiner and undershirt. His android nipples are showing.

 

[Catarina]

Attentive Data made sure to keep his Tamagachi Cat alive during Red Alert.

 

[LeadHead]

New Contest is up!