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Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #482: Here comes Tasha!

LeadHead

Director of Comedy
Premium Member
Good evening everyone, new contest time!

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First up to the plate, we have the "Doors 101" Award, going to Leviathan for:

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Picard: You can step through, it's not a roll-under door.


Next, we have the "Social Media Ethics" Award, going to Nebusj for:

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``Geordi, is it ethical to `like' your own posts?''


Next, we have "The real Picard" Award, going to inflatabledalek for:

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Geordi: OK, I've found our personel files with the Captain's personal comments! Now we'll know who we are!

Picard: Well, I'm the captain it seems, no need to read more....

Geordi: First Officer: Commander William T. Riker. "Creepy sex pest who plays his trombone as well as he shaves. Promotion prospects: Currently laughable".

Ro: Ha!

Picard: Helms officer: Ensign Ro. "What's going on with that nose? Did she lose a fight with an accordian?"

Picard: Computer, close files!


Next, we have the "Ball of Explanation" Award, going to Tenacity for:

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Geordi: "Properly calibrated Commander, it should be able to tell us why Doctor Crusher is on the bridge."


Next, we have the "Spoiler Alert!" Award, going to JirinPanthosa for:

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RASMUSSEN: Yes, just like that! You look just like the statue at LaForge Memorial Park!
GEORDI: Umm, what?


Our Photoshop Award, goes to Zombie Cheerleader for:

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LAFORGE: Says here it's "The Property of Carl Spock".


Tomorrow, I will officially have been here on the TrekBBS for 16 years. In celebration of that and the fact that this has always been a great place for me, I wanted to give out extra awards tonight.

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This award goes to Coffee Black Cat for:

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Geordi: I was told this was Spock's Brain
Riker: Where did you get it?
Geordi: Ebay
Riker: You've been had.


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This award goes to Triskelion for:

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Geordi: Well there's your problem. This intermix ratio is outputting a phase variance of point zero zero three into the delta band causing a slight warp imbalance and putting differential torsion stress along the port nacelle strut that's overtaxing the structural integrity field. Yup.
Ro: Well one thing's for sure.
Geordi: That I'm an engineer?
Ro: No, that you and I have never hooked up.



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This Award goes to The Laughing Vulcan for:

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Rasmussen: "Well, Captain Janeway and Tom Paris turn into giant salamanders and make amphibian babies, and Captain, I mean Commander Benjamin Sisko is the son of a Bajoran god."
Picard: "Utter poppycock? What other colourful mendacities will you entertain us with, future boy?"
Rasmussen: "Wait, don't you want to hear how Captain LaForge helps save the space-time continuum?"
Picard: "That's enough! Take him to the brig, Number One."
LaForge: "Wait, did he say 'Captain'?"


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Our KBL goes to shivkala for:

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LaForge: I told you! Here it is, Worf's Starfleet application. Worf Son of Mogh Sue Ellen Rozhenko.


Many thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners!

And now, the first Chief of Security of the Enterprise-D: Lieutenant Natasha Yar!

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Enjoy!
 
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Yar: The Captain welcomes you aboard the Enterprise, Commander Riker. He is too busy to speak to you directly.

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Yar: Frown as much as you can, Worf. Otherwise nobody will take us seriously with these tiny phasers.

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It was rather embarrassing for Yar the day she discovered she couldn't do Force Lightning.


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Riker: What's the holdup?

Yar: Damnit Will, I'm a Security Officer, not a Transporter Chief!

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Yar: Right, these uniforms don't have pockets.
 
]
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Riker: What's the holdup?

Yar: This console has sticky spots. It smells and tastes like synthale.
 
T4TLISA LeadHead! And congrats on 16! In honor of the day, here is a Silver Anniversary Trek Commemorative Coin set - cut and paste in appreciation for your continued efforts:
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Riker: Another year, another trip to the storage room to break out the decorations for Captain Picard Day.

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Yar: *Boop BEEP* - Check out my ride.
Worf: What do you call that?
Yar: A Renault Twingo.
...What?
Worf: Oh I am mistaken, you see I thought it was a gay roller skate.
Yar: Oh yeah? What are you driving, Butch?
Worf: *Blip BLOOP* - Jeep Wrangler.
...
Worf: JEEP WRANGLERS ARE NOT GAY!!!
Yar: I didn't say a word....


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Yar: FASHION POLICE - PUT DOWN THE LEOTARD, DOCTOR!
Guy in back: <taps com> This is Helmet Squad. We need backup for a Code Butt Floss. Repeat, Code Butt Floss.

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Yar: Just a minute Commander. I've just got to figure out how to get the "delete penis" light to stop blinking.
Riker: You're kidding, right?
...
Right??

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Tasha: Who stole my janitor keyring?
LaForge: Maybe you left it in the Deck One Pay Toilet again.
Tasha: Oh right. Vive la stinkard, Captain Cheapo!
 
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Thank you for the win!
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Riker: Lt. why isn't the Captain talking?

Yar: He knows what he did.

Riker: Captain, what's wrong with Lt. Yar?

Yar: She knows what she did.

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Yar: Keep firing, Lt. We're not getting Zika from these mosquitoes, no way, no how!

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Yar: Just put it down and no one needs to get hurt!

Security Officer #1: Relax, Lt. we won't hurt it!

Yar: No, you fool, I'm not afraid of us hurting it! We're security and there are five of us! One of us is going to die, it's in our contracts!


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Riker: Problem, Lt.?

Yar: Not if you really wanted to be Captain, since I can't seem to get his pattern to reintegrate.

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Yar: Damn it, I hate when you forget to remove all of the tags!
 
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LAFORGE: Heh heh. Looks like O'Brien tossed some itching power in the transporter beam again.
 
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Riker: "Mr. O'Brien, when did you get boobs?"

Tasha: "Sir, I'm the chief os security, not the ensign."

Riker: "And can I see your boobs Mr. O'Brien?"


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Tasha: "Geordi, I think I need my appendix removed. Do you think that black oil slick alien might be able to help?"

Geordi: "Eh, why not."
 
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Picard: Chairs? Chairs are for useful officers, #1



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Worf: I scored a head shot on him!

Yar: Yeah, me too

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Crosby: Wait! Don't start the auditions for my replacement yet. I want to make sure I'm good to come back for several awkwardly placed guest spots first

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Tasha: Hold on a second, I'm just trying to forget all those pirate noises you use to make when you'd say my name


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Geordi: No Tasha. The zipper is in front. At least I pray to God that's what you're looking for
 
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First Officer's Log: I took my position as the first officer of the brand new Enterprise, and looking forward to the Captain's first face palm.
 
Thanks for the win!
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After an impassioned plea, the Security Officers Union (Local 289) eventually won the right to not wear dustbusters, but still had to go on away missions with senior staff.
 
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Riker: "Continue holding your place, Lieutenant Yar. Under no circumstances is the captain to lose musical captain's chair."
 
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YAR: *singing* "Stop, in the name of loooove...before you, break my heart..."
PICARD *offscreen*: "Lieutenant, what are you doing?"
YAR: *singing* "Think it o-o-ver...."
OFFICER REACHING FOR WEAPON: "Don't mind Lt. Yar, sir. She just had her wisdom teeth out. Dr. Crusher said she's going to be like this all day."
PICARD: "That explains the escort team, then..."

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YAR: "Let's slow down. I've got a stitch in my side."
LA FORGE: "Okay. You know what helps with that? Deep breaths..."
YAR: "No, I mean I have an actual stitch in my side. That'll teach me never to get my uniform altered on my lunch break..."
LA FORGE: *a la Lucy Ricardo* "Yeough."

(see here http://golucilleball.blogspot.ca/2012/10/lucille-ball-eugh-spider-face.html)
 
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Kid: I'M 8! WTF YOU UNITARDS GOT ME DOING CALCULUS FOR?!!!
Yar: It's back to class for you, ya little school ratings curve-wrecker!
Guy: One down, sixty more to go.
Other Guy: My Unitard's feelings are hurt.
 
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Worf: I can't remember where we parked.
Yar: I can't either. Let's press the panic buttons on the fobs until our shuttle reveals itself.
 
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Picard won the comfortable chair this round for sexiest chin cleft in the Senior Staff category.
 
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