TNG Caption This! #429: Look at this...

[LeadHead]

Hello, everyone! Really enjoyed the last contest! Thanks again to dstyer for the theme suggestion! Time to start a new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Sponsored by Greendale Community College" Award, going to:

Captain Picard didn't approve of the yearly shipwide games of water balloon assassin.

Next, we have the "Awwwwwww.... You know me so well" Award, going to:

Leadhead: You will play Mass Effect and you will love it!

Next, we have the "Ah, those useless videos" Award, going to:

Lal: Why is that man climbing up onto that female's backside?

Guinan: About that, allow me to illustrate with low-budget, counterproductive education from the 20th century on the subject.

Next, we have the "Bureaucrats Award for the best kind of Correct" going to:

Sela: "You mother fuc..."

Data: "Technically, you are correct."

^with apologies to Smellincoffee for stealing from DS9 to make that joke.

Next, we have the "Be nice to Keiko....OR ELSE" Award, going to:

RIKER: Please, if any of you can hear me. Stop with the "Keiko is a shrew" captions! He doesn't ....Auuuuughhhh!

I always love a good caption that uses multiple photos, so our Multi-Photo Winner is:

Worf: "Wesley, no! Do not hit Captain Picard with that--"

MOMENTS LATER...

Picard: "You little vomitous piece of merde -- I will inject pain into your eyes!"

Captain's Log, Stardate 12345678.9: Although I appreciate Mr. O'Brien's attempt to bring levity to the bridge by misinterpreting my command to "fire at will", I am demoting him back to transporter duty

Camera operator: And there we go. I told the D.P. it didn't matter where we put the camera, Frakes would try and shove his face right into it.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now...

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Worf: Captain, incoming message from Admiral Nechayev.

Picard: Red Alert.

Crusher: (thinking) I wish tricorders weren't outlawed in Hide and Seek.

Riker: Riker to Picard, it's some sort of giant creature made of black tar. May I stun it now?

Picard: That's right! Take that tea back and bring me Good Earl Grey! There's nothing more important than that right now!

Worf: Romulan warbird decloaking!

Picard: Quiet, you!

Picard: And thus concludes my analysis of this Alien Species. Any questions.

Crusher, Troi, Geordi, Data, Riker and Worf: Can we go now?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Riker: Data!

Data: Sir, I must point out that as an android, I have no digestive system, and therefore I am incapable of what you would so crudely refer to as a 'silent but deadly'.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Professor Galen (OS): "And that concludes my lecture. Thank you all for attending!"
LaForge (sotto voce): "Psst. Counselor. You were right about Professor Galen's halitosis."

 

[tharpdevenport]

I always love a good caption that uses multiple photos

In that case...

Riker: "Sensors are detecting Beverly nearing the Bridge."

Picard: "Mr. Worf ,verify!"

Worf: "Confirmed!"

Picard: ""Evasive maneuvers!"

Picard: Pops up, "Good -- she didn't see us."

 

[T'Girl]

Deanna: "Why are you all seated over there?"

Data: "According to Commander Riker, both Doctor Crusher and yourself possess "cooties."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Worf: "This meeting of the USS Enterprise chapter of the He-Man Woman Haters Club is now in session."
Worf, Riker, Data and LaForge (in unison): "All hail our founder Alfalfa Switzer!"
Worf: "Now, let's get the matter of these two self-described 'groundbreaking' membership applicants out of the way and get to the kegs!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

After their first experience at a Gallagher concert, the crew learned the "good seats" were in the back

PICARD: You'd look better over there.

The crew began to regret giving Picard "Feng Shui for Beginners."

RIKER: Fake? Sir, I assure you I'm on a dangerous mission on a deadly planet and not a sound stage on Risa!

 

[shivkala]

I knew I couldn't lose with a Mass Effect reference! Thanks for the win, Leadhead!

Picard: He's still here?

Riker: Apparently, so sir. I thought you denying him and over and over again doesn't get through to him.

Worf: Screw you guys, I'm firing phasers!

Crusher: Yes, I know this is the men's room. I was looking for Wesley!

Wesley OS Mom, this is embarrassing!

Crusher: It's nothing I haven't seen before, Wesley!

Riker: Commander's Log-I may have just a found a species even I won't mate with. No, wait, check that. Yup, I definitely would do it.

Picard: For the love of...why is there someone different at CONN and OPS every week? Can't we just, I don't know, make Worf the Security Officer, Geordi the Chief Engineer, have Data take OPS when it's his shift and put the boy at CONN?

Riker: Wait...isn't there supposed to be fewer chairs than people to play musical chairs?

Worf: This game is without honor. In my culture, we slay everyone else and only the winner is allowed to take a seat.

 

[joededman]

Thank You!

Worf: I have created the perfect Hammond B3 patch on the console. It is both rightous and HONORABLE! <Starts playing Green Onion as recorded by BookerT and the MGs>
Picard: Groovvyyy!
Riker: Oh yea. Out of sight!

Oh Jean-Luuuccc.. I know you're hiding in here somewhere. (giggles)

Frakes: It's been nearly twenty-five years since the original series and the sets still haven't got any better.

Picard: Was that your older, much cooler brother that was just playing the tunes on the tactical console.

Bev: Deanna, I don't think Guinan is going to be happy with the seat we save for her.

 

[Finn]

Picard: (OS) As you can see here, due to the unique characteristics of soil found in the South of France....

Riker: You had to said that they use better sulfides in California wineries, Data

 

[Mojochi]

Picard: I told you to only disable their weapons

Worf: The hull can be used as a weapon

Crusher: Deanna, hurry up & get dressed. We're at red alert, & evacuating this deck........ Oh...... Hi Will. Well, this is awkward.

When everyone found out what planet Riker approved for shore leave, things got uglier

Picard: If I have to relieve one more helmsman for making a fiance joke when I say engage, I swear I'll put Beverly's brat in the pilot seat

Captain's log: For obvious reasons, we had to rearrange the concert seating to accommodate the delegates from Microscopia IV

 

[Triskelion]

Worf: Nope, according to Wikipedia, the Romulans suddenly developed their brow ridges around the same time Klingons did.
Picard: Get the Feklar outta here!

Beverly: Sorry to interrupt you and Robin Lefler, Wesley, but it's time for your Vapo-Rub treatment. Come on, you can round second some other time.

Armus: You're not getting this golf ball back! I keep it now!
Riker: Man, space golf is a bitch!

Picard: Hey Number One! What's a giblet?
Riker: Giblets are the bird offal! Hearts, livers and gizzards!
Picard: I see. Hey Mister Data! What's a gizzard?
Data: It is the secondary stomach where the chicken grinds its food for digestion!
Picard: Hey Number One! Do we want giblets?
Riker: I AM ON THE SONIC TOILET RIGHT NOW! OK JUST GET THE TWO-PIECE!

...

Picard: Hey Number One! Why can Data say "its food" but not "It's the secondary stomach?" What's up with that??
Riker: !@#$% <flush>

Geordi: You can't sit here, this seat is Leah's. She is an engineer like me and she likes all my ideas.
Troi: Hello Leah, it's nice to meet you.
Worf: BURN!


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[Nerys Myk]

Tension filled the room as Guinan decided where to sit.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Crusher: Hey! You're a teenager. Are you single? Look, my son needs a date --

On a far away planet, Will Riker finds the Mirror of Erised and realizes what he's been missing all this time: a kickass beard.

Troi: We always sit back here. Why are YOU sitting back here?
Riker: He spits.
Troi: Look, Will, someone has to sit in the front row. Otherwise the captain will think we're doing it on purpose.
Riker: WE ARE!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Beverly: "Sorry to barge in, but I can't find Wesley. Is he with you?"
Ro Laren (inside her quarters): "With me? I don't know whether I should be insulted or just start laughing hysterically."

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: Relax, we do the prostrate exams with a scanner, these days!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

WORF: What? All I said was, Captain Jelico's command style makes a little more sense in war time.

After this, Beverly always knocked before intruding on her son's holodeck time.

RIKER: THESE are Ferengi? And we're supposed to feel THREATENED by them?

PICARD: Where is everybody?
WORF: It's football season sir.

Captain Picard debuts his one man show: The complete works of William Shakespeare.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Riker: "Computer, discontinue Sharon Stone 'Basic Instinct' pussy scene hologram."

THE HOLOGRAM DISAPPEARS FROM THE CHAIR

Picard: "You're no fun at all, number one."

Riker: "Fucking Communist Google AdSense won't allow it, captain."

Geordi: "Actually, I could stand to see a little more."

 

[Triskelion]

Worf: Nightbird, ladies and gentlemen.
Riker: You muth-
Troi: Shut your mouth!

Crusher: Ooh, levels!

Armus: Did you happen to bring a chamois? Perchance a serviette, or wet nap?

Picard: HEY NUMBER ONE, IS IT INERTIAL DAMPENERS THEN ENGAGE OR ENGAGE THEN INERTIAL DAMPENERS?
Riker: I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF A SONIC BEARD TRIM OVER HERE!
Picard: Just use your best judgment Commander Worf.
Worf: Yes sir. Activating wheapons.

Riker: Wait a minute - whose turn was it to bore the crap out of everyone?

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