TNG Caption This! #421: The Trouble with Turbolifts

[LeadHead]

Hello Everyone! Early Contest Start!

First up to the plate, we have the "...And make me Captain while you're at it..." Award, going to:

Riker: Just tell him he's relieved of duty and needs to put his pants back on!

Next, we have "The More things change, well, they change..." Award, going to:

Picard: "Youtube changed their site AGAIN?"

Next, we have the "#sixseasonsandamovie" Award, going to:

Abed: It seems the Dreamatorium was too much for Annie to handle.

Next, we have the "Difficult Questions" Award, going to:

Picard: One of you is pregnant and we're not leaving this room until we find out who!

Next, we have the "Complex Technology" Award, going to:

"O'Brien to LaForge: The blue thing broke off again."

Our Photoshop Award, going to:

A Special Award, basically given in my hope that one of our Photoshop Extraordinaires will run with this, the "Great Idea!" Award, goes to:

Picard: "Picard to Engineering. Mr. LaForge, the scrolling news feed around my ready room ceiling has gone blank again."

Captain's Log, Stardate 42404.1. Things turned awkward very quickly at the diplomatic reception today, when we realized that Counselor Troi and I were the only two people present who understood the concept of a conga line.

Worf: Admiral Maury has come aboard and will be here shortly.

Picard: Thank you, Mr. Worf. Now we can finally get to the bottom of this.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

To combat the usual stern attitude on the bridge in the first season, Crusher was ordered to start giving people injections of the "Wolf in the Fold" drug on their way out of the turbolift.

To make sure he got to save the ship, Wesley would cause turbolifts to "accidentally" keep Senior officers out of the way.

Data: Inquiry, why are there no stairs aboard the Enterprise?

Data: Intriguing, the carpets are clearly much less clean in high definition.

The new soap opera; "As the Turbolift goes..."

 

[Karzak]

TROI (thinking): Will's going to love my boobs after Beverly inflates them some more!
RIKER (thinking): I'm gonna love those boobs after Beverly inflates them some more!
BEVERLY (thinking): I have GOT to find a new job...

Whenever he was alone, Geordi liked to reenact the end of Doctor Who - Doomsday.

RIKER: Ugh, who smells like sex?

O'BRIEN: Commander, we're in a hurry! We asked you NOT to press every button!
DATA: I am sorry, Chief.

Klingon farts are the worst.

 

[Rat Boy]

Troi: "Shouldn't we have been inoculated before we left the ship?"

Crusher: "Details, details."

Geordi: "If you didn't want to go out on a date, you could have just said so instead of closing the door on my man parts."

Data: "One moment. Since you had beans for lunch, I must deactivate my olfactory chip."

Alien in Troi Pretending to be Shumar: "What?"

Alien in Data Pretending to be What's His Name: "This is the first time in centuries I've been able to see my feet."

Riker: "Look, thanks for making sure I didn't get shot, but did you have to shove me through the wall?"

Worf: "Sorry, sir. Force of habit."

 

[Orac]

LaForge: LaForge to sickbay! Medical emergency!
Crusher: The door closed on your willy again didn't it?

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Thank you for the Klingon Belly Laugh Award, LeadHead!

Troi: It's alright, Beverly. Lots of people want to.

Geordi's VISOR didn't always work like it was supposed to.

Data: Your shoelace is untied.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Data: She is looking at me, is she not?
Worf: Yes!
Data: She just cannot quit me.
Worf: As I am under her command, I am symbolically part of her house. It falls upon me to kill you, Commander.

 

[TolkienOtaku]

Thanks for the award!

Crusher: "Cleavage is at an optimum level. Looks like you're clear counselor.
Riker: "Aww, man."

"Well, at least my manhood isn't caught in the door."

Data: "Computer, activate turbolift muzak."
Everyone else: "Oh come on!"

Data hadn't quite mastered the art of avoiding eye contact in the turbolift.

*gross makeout sounds*

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

LaForge (gasping): "Computer! Please! Emergency override! Open the doors!"
Computer: "Unable to comply. Atmospheric safety protocols require this turbolift car to remain isolated until the atmospheric contamination you introduced within it is filtered out."
LaForge: "Goddamn burrito night!"

Data and O'Brien (both thinking): "Don't look at her cleavage. Don't look at her cleavage. Don't look at her cleavage. Don't look--"
Troi: "You boys do know that I'm empathic, right?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: It's time to rotate O'Brien off transporter duty.

 

[Nebusj]

I didn't know Counsellors came in spray cans!

You giggle, but it's LaForge's most successful date yet.

Picard: ``No, not you, Data. That turbolift is for the limited-edition figures only.''

O'Brien. ``Personal log. I'll give them another three hours and then I'm just going to pick a floor.''

Worf: ``I found the Kissing Bandit! --- And he's magnificent at it!''

 

[Nerys Myk]

♫Tall and tan and young and lovely
The girl from Ipanema goes walking
And when she passes, each one she passes
Goes "A-a-a-h" ♩

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Data (thinking): "I wonder if a comment on the fact that Worf has the girliest hair in our group would be appreciated."

 

[Triskelion]

T4TPA, Leadhead!

Crusher: Thank goodness I found you! You both need injections before your away team beams down to the planet!
Troi: Antiviral injections?
Crusher: No, Botox. This is the Enterprise. We set a different standard here. Understood?

Geordi: Crap, I put on a banana clip again by mistake.

Data: One day I will write Starfleet a sharp-worded missive about installing only one bridge toilet.

O'Brien: Any special reason you ride the turbolifts with a phaser, Commander?
Data: Wrong-standers.
O'Brien: Wrong-standers? What's that?
Data: Take a step closer to me and find out.

Worf: Stand back. "Beige rage" alert.
Crewman with Phase Rifle: Beeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiige!!!!!!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Troi: "What's that?"

Beverly: "Of, that's my Cleavage Firmativity Detector. Commander Riker ordered the test; said it has something to do with plans for 'later tonight'..."

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead, though somehow I knew a Community reference would be a shoe-in.

Revealed for the first time, we find out that Crusher left the Enterprise for a year following a sexual harassment complaint filed against her by Troi, looking here as casual as possible so as not to tip Beverly off.

Geordi: Guys, I'm sorry, okay. If I promise to stop saying, "But you don't have to take my word for it," when suggesting reading material anymore!

Riker: Before we get started, does anyone want to get out?

Data: Sir, I have been elected to tell you that the quote does not work before we are all in the turbolift. In addition, we are all tired of you making the same joke. The Captain wishes to inform you that you are barred from watching Captain America: The Winter Solider.

O'Brien: Ah, crap, I think Data's broken.

Troi: We'll just contact the manufacturer.

O'Brien: No good, his warranty just expired.

Troi: Isn't that just the way?

Weekend at Worf's was not a popular remake of Weekend at Bernie's.

Data: Your shoelace is untied.

*After several hours*

Data: Upon closer inspection, these appear to be loafers.

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Gecko of Gorn]

Geordie's patented "Rolling out of Engineering just before Warp Core Breach Maneuver" required a lot of practice, as can be seen from this earlier simulated effort.

 

[hux]

Crusher: Since you've been stuck in the turbo lift with Riker for an hour, i'll assume you need a herpes jab.

La Forge: It's a bad day when trapping your dick in the door is the best sex you'll have all year, but what the hell.

Data: Who the fuck is that guy looking at.

*thud*
O'Brien: And that's what a real penis looks like.
Data: No wonder Tasha was so disappointed with me.

*parp*

Worf: It wasnt me.
Riker: Sorry Worf but we're so sick of people farting in the turbo lift that we've installed technology that makes the farts visible.
Worf: It still wasn't me.

 

[Finn]

Data: *whispers* I should find a way to wirelessly interface with the computer and initiate an alert that would require the attention of the first officer, the Klingon and the blind pilot

Riker: Excuse me, did you say something?

Data: Was I talking to myself? Intriguing

 

[Nerys Myk]

Data was having second thoughts about Riker's idea to break the Guinness record for the number of people in a turbolift.