Picard: Magnify.
TNG Caption This! #417: The Best of Both Silver Anniversaries
- Thread starter LeadHead
- Start date
Picard: Magnify.
Hanson: Oh, Riker, you're just in time! Shelby was just telling me war stories about her famous ancestor...some 20th century sheriff named 'Teasle.'
RIKER: "Welcome aboard Admiral, Captain Picard has put me in charge of our response to the Borg ... and who is your lovely assistant?"
HANSEN: "No assistant Will, this is Commander Shelby, Starfleet's Borg specialist and she'll be working with you on this problem"
RIKER: "I see, Commander Shelby I'm sure you'll enjoy working 'under me' during this project - hehe-"
SHELBY: "Actually Commander, I pride myself on always being 'on top' of things"
HANSEN: "Watch yourself Riker, she's a pistol!"
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TROI: "You totally want to do her"
RIKER: "Huh, what are you talking about?"
TROI: "Commander Shelby, you want to have sex with her, I can sense it."
RIKER: "NO WAY! I hate that over-achieving, pompous back-stabbing know-it-all!"
TROI: "Will, your outward displays of animosity toward the Commander are merely to disguise the lust you feel toward her on the inside. You want to have sex with her"
RIKER: "Nope, no way, no how!"
TROI: "Really Will, I can tell such things"
RIKER: "Well, if the opportunity arose and-"
TROI: "you are such a hounddog!"
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DATA: "Excuse me Commander Shelby, but why do you persist in rubbing your breast on my neck?"
SHELBY: "Actually Data, I was really bending over to give Riker a good view of my ass, I like teasing him"
DATA: "While I am incapable of such emotions, I anticipate that I would be disappointed you are directing your flirtations toward the Commander and not myself"
SHELBY: "Whoa there cowboy, I said I like teasing Riker. And don't give up so easily, meet me in my quarters in an hour for a 'private debrief' and be in 'fully functional' mode"
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RIKER: "I'm telling you guys, plain as day she has the hots for me, real bad"
LAFORGE: "Are we talking about Commander Shelby? The Commander Shelby here on this ship, like right now? Sorry Will but you don't stand a chance"
RIKER: "I'm not kidding, she's bending over in front of me showing me her cute tush, making 'on top' jokes, all that stuff"
LAFORCE: "Ain't happening, I had a better chance scoring with Holo-Leah than you have with her"
RIKER: "You'll see, I bet she'll ask me to her quarters for a 'private de-briefing', if you know what I mean, she's aching for some Will-The-Thrill. Even Data could probably see that ..."
DATA: "Actually Commander, just last night -"
RIKER: "... except he's just an emotionless android"
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DATA: "Is everyone ready to depart, Worf? Doctor Crusher? Commander, Commander ... Shelby ... are you ..."
SHELBY: "Yea, sure Data, I'm I'm ... ready, er uh-huh, yes I'm good, I'm fine, set to go"
DATA: "Good, that is good ... that you are ready Commander ... good, ready is good"
SHELBY: "yep, good ... everything's ... good, I'm uh ... I'm fine"
WORF: "Commander Shelby, Data, are you experiencing par'Mach Bhak'furrtorsch'Kah?"
CRUSHER: "Worf, what in the world is 'par'Mach Bhak'furrtorsch'Kah? And is that making Data talk so strangely?"
WORF: "The closest human translation would be, 'everything is awkward now'"
DATA: "It appears that Doctor Soon wrote a 'post-coital regret' subroutine."
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Hanson: Say, Riker, have you ever thought about marriage?
Riker: Well, one day, when it's appropriate.
Hanson: I ask because I figure with all the sexual tension between you and Shelby here, you'd make a hell of a team. That sort of dynamic really energizes a ship.
Riker: Uh.
Hanson: Don't worry, son, that's just the whiskey talking. Besides, I already suggested it to her, and she said "hell no".
Shelby: Do a barrel roll! That's a good trick.
Data: This phaser is set to modulate randomly, on stun.
Shelby: The Borg kidnap the captain, invade his very body, and you want to stun them? Set phasers to frag, everyone.
Riker: I swear, I don't like blondes!
Riker: Geordi, you're up here during a crisis again.
LaForge: ...yes? Senior staff, remember. I belong on the bridge.
Riker: You're the chief engineer, Geordi! We need you on the engines. Did you ever see Argyle up here? No!
LaForge: And where did that get him? If you want to keep a choice post like the Enterprise, commander, you have to stay in the captain's eye.
Geordi: Due to the Borg shielding, we can't get a fix on the Captain's transporter signal until we get in closer range.
Riker: And is that a bad thing?
Datai: Well it depends, sir. We are taxing our engines already.
Geordi: I might be able to get another few hundredths of a percentage of warp velocity, but it will take drawing power from secondary systems.
Riker: And that's a good thing?
Wesley: We could evacuate all non-essential areas and reduce turbolift activity but it will mean doubling up on work details.
Riker: And that's a bad thing?
Geordi: Well, it could be difficult, Commander. But it might give us the extra boost in speed we need to catch up to the Borg cube.
Riker: And that's a good thing?
Data: Good is a relative term. We will then have to find a way to deal with their proven technological superiority in every aspect of starship operation; the slightest failure will almost certainly result in our assimilation into Borg.
...
...
...
Wesley: I got it. <kicks Riker>
Riker: And that's a bad thing?
Geordi: Well,....
Shelby: "Data, fluctuate inter-ship communications frequencies."
Data: "No use commander."
Shelby: "Random settings; don't give him time to adapt."
Data: "Tactics are proving ineffective."
Shelby: "Damnit. How does Picard keep getting my personal quarters private communications channel?"
Thanks for the log LH!
Shelby: If Stewart leaves between seasons, I could become a new regular!
Riker: Did no one tell you what happened to the last female regular who was actually useful in a crisis?
Shelby: Black 9 on red 8!
And you probably shouldn't be playing solitaire during a crisis.
Riker: Honestly, there's no ulterior motive in having Troi on top of my potential first officer list.
Data: Mr Worf, I am confiscating this beard trimmer. This is no time to worry about personal grooming.
Troi: So what does the "T" stand for?
Shelby: If Stewart leaves between seasons, I could become a new regular!
Riker: Did no one tell you what happened to the last female regular who was actually useful in a crisis?
Shelby: Black 9 on red 8!
And you probably shouldn't be playing solitaire during a crisis.
Riker: Honestly, there's no ulterior motive in having Troi on top of my potential first officer list.
Data: Mr Worf, I am confiscating this beard trimmer. This is no time to worry about personal grooming.
Troi: So what does the "T" stand for?
Riker: I did not!
Troi: Yes, you did. I might remind you that Betazoids have a much stronger digestive system.
Troi: So what does the "T" stand for?
Will: "TITS."
Cmdr Riker: "A three way Admiral? Count me in!"
Cmdr Riker: "You're what?! But we...that was ten years ago."
Deanna Troi:"Really? Starfleet didn't teach you about female betazoid physiology before you we're assigned to betazed?"
Troi: "What?"
Riker: "Is it supposed to vibrate and massage?"
Troi: "Well, it is the captain's cha--"
Riker: Interrupting, "My balls?"
I feel these pictures tell a story.
Riker: Sure, she's young and beautiful, but does she have that Riker charm??
Hanson: Ummm...
Shelby: (thinking) I have a better ass, that's for sure.
Shelby: Data, you can tell me. The Captain is staring at my ass, isn't he?
Picard: (thinking) My, my, my...
Riker (thinking): He never looks at my ass like that.
Riker: Look, I need you to be honest with me: is Shelby's ass better than mine?
Data: Based on human aesthetics of beauty and standards of symmetry and perfection, I would have to say yes.
Geordi: Uhhhh, I think I hear the warp core exploding, soooo gottagobye!
Worf: Commander, you did the honorable thing. Someone had to tell him.
Shelby: I don't want this to be some kind of competition...
Crusher: Believe me, it's not.
Riker: Deanna, can I ask yo--
Troi: Yes, her ass is better than yours. Just deal with it.
Riker: Sure, she's young and beautiful, but does she have that Riker charm??
Hanson: Ummm...
Shelby: (thinking) I have a better ass, that's for sure.
Shelby: Data, you can tell me. The Captain is staring at my ass, isn't he?
Picard: (thinking) My, my, my...
Riker (thinking): He never looks at my ass like that.
Riker: Look, I need you to be honest with me: is Shelby's ass better than mine?
Data: Based on human aesthetics of beauty and standards of symmetry and perfection, I would have to say yes.
Geordi: Uhhhh, I think I hear the warp core exploding, soooo gottagobye!
Worf: Commander, you did the honorable thing. Someone had to tell him.
Shelby: I don't want this to be some kind of competition...
Crusher: Believe me, it's not.
Riker: Deanna, can I ask yo--
Troi: Yes, her ass is better than yours. Just deal with it.
