TNG Caption This! #416: Second String

[Triskelion]

Later that same shift....

Broccoli: ...Lieutenant Wormbreath...Doctor Painasski...Trash-My-Yard...Robbed And Left Her...On Ya Gonads...Mister Matzoball....
Bowel's O'Moanin: What about Alyssa Ogawa?
Broccoli: Oh, you mean Olestra Dorito?
Bowel's O'Moanin: Now that's offensive.
Broccoli: The nickname?
Bowel's O'Moanin: Olestra.

Guinan: Well? Aren't you going to try on the new hat I got you?

Picard: I guess I'm the only one who cared enough about meeting the ambassador to shave his legs?
Group: <grumbles>
Picard: Energize.

...

Picard: Even my little battle bridge.
Group: #$%^ resigning #$%^& commission <disperses>

Ogawa: <Scans patient, shows Doctor tricorder scan>
Crusher: Told ya.

Geordi: Commander, you're as beautiful as I imagined, and more.
Riker: That's it, I'm cutting you off.

 

[Leviathan]

Guinan: ...and that's what's really under my hat.

 

[joededman]

Ogawa (checking tricorder): "He's exhausted."
Riker: "I can't get any sleep. I keep waking up in a cold sweat. These dreams..."
Crusher: "What kind of dreams?"
Riker: "Disturbingly violent dreams. With lots of kinky S&M. With me and...and Nurse Ogawa."
*awkward pause*
Ogawa: "Perhaps I should leave."
Crusher: "That's probably a good idea."
Riker: "Thank you, Nurse."
Ogawa: "You'll record this, though, so I can watch it later, right?"

Crusher: You betcha! Deanna's getting a copy as well!

 

[Finn]

O'Brien: You can't keep using the Midas Array as part of a solution....sir

 

[Ithekro]

O'Brien: You can't keep using the Midas Array as part of a solution....sir

Barcley: Gold shirts need the Midas touch, Chief.

 

[DrBob]

Riker: "Geordi makes it. It's good for two things, degreasing engines and killing brain cells!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Ro: So you just asked that thing on the table where my future Starfleet career is going? What did it say?

Guinan: "Reply hazy, try again".

 

[Hutchy01]

O'Brien: You're my Proctologist?!

 

[2takesfrakes]

BEV: "And ... how about that? Can you feel that?"

RIKER: "I ... yes, I think I can, Doctor. You've got your hand on my genitals ..."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Barclay: "So, you're saying...when she asked me if I wanted to come in for some coffee..."
O'Brien: "Right."
Barclay: "She didn't actually mean coffee."
O'Brien: "Nope."
Barclay: "She actually meant sex."
O'Brien: "Yep."
Barclay (sighs): "Life is so much simpler on the holodeck."

 

[Triskelion]

Riker: You slipped the Captain a mickey?
Geordi: Yep.
Data: Geordi confided in me that if he heard another doddering rant about the Prime Directive he was going to quote "Get pre-warp mental up in here".
Riker: Barclay, cancel plan "Urgent Communique from the Old Nemesis/Professor/Girlfriend."
Barclay: Already on it, sir.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Love you long time Leadhead!

Reg: Wait... didn't you outrank me yesterday?

O'Brien: Shhhhhh. Ipsney on the O'Brien Ranksey.

Guinan: That woman behind us? I've done her.

Transporter Chief's Personal Log: Why did everyone start an awkward silence when I said one day I'd become such an important character I'd get both a first and a middle name?

Ogawa: Subject's mind... completely empty.

Geordi: Wait... "Broccoli"... I get it!

 

[Hutchy01]

Ogawa: Subject's mind... completely empty.

Crusher: That's because you're scanning the wrong part of his body!

 

[Triskelion]

Bev: Did the night nurses run the analysis?
Al: Positive, Doctor.
Bev: You're positive? Or the test was positive?
Al: Affirmative, Doctor. Positive.
Bev: No, I mean are you sure you told the night nurses I wanted the analysis completed by today?
Al: Negative, Doctor.
Bev: Wait - you're not sure you told the night nurses I wanted the analysis?
Al: Negative. Positive, Doctor.
Bev: So...you're not sure they completed the analysis?
Al: Negative, Doctor.
Bev: Wait- that was a double negative. So, you are sure they obtained the results of the analysis?
Al: Positive, Doctor.
Bev: Wait, are you saying they obtained the results? Or are you telling me the analysis results were positive?
Al: Positive, Doctor?
Bev: CAN YOU SAY SOMETHING BESIDES "POSITIVE" AND "NEGATIVE"??!
Al: Affirmative, Doctor.
Bev: Wait -
Al: Positive, Doctor. The night nurses told me the results of the analysis could be called positive.
Bev: Finally! Wait - the results were positive? Or their reaction to the results were positive? Or were the results negative, and they were trying to be positive?? I'm losing it!
Al: Doctor...
Bev: JUST PICK ONE!!!
Al: The patient has flatlined, Doctor.

...


Bev: SO ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME WHAT THE TEST RESULTS WERE????
Al: Negative, Doctor.
Bev: FINALLY! ....Wait -

 

[LeadHead]

New Contest up, and it's still (Technically) Sunday!