TNG Caption This! #412: Close Examination

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to a contest that starts on time!

First up to the plate, we have the "Dangerous Enemies" Award, going to:

Picard: Mister Worf, did you just blast that girl scout cookie transport ship out of space?
Worf: I thought they were going to attack, sir.
Picard: With what - thin mint torpedoes?
Worf: They are cunning, sir.

Next, we have the "Butterfly in the sky..." Award, going to:

"...and if you enjoyed that, here's some other technobabble you might like. But, you don't have to take my word for it."

[Reading Rainbow theme]

Next, we have the "So, is the warp core a monolith now?" Award, going to:

LaForge: He plugged himself into the warp drive control systems, then said "My god its full of stars," then was like this.

Riker: And the warp drive is now able to reach warp 13?

LaForge: Yes, sir. I don't understand how, but we are going beyond infinity.

Riker: Well...keep up the good work?

Next, we have the "Convincing Argument" Award, going to:

Spiner: OK, OK, I'll reduce the cost of my autographs.

Next, we have the "Hello there, Chell" Award, going to:

Bolian: "You know what, I'm going to go see if the video games need a spunky character with a sense of humor."

Geordi: Engineer's log: I am trying to take a selfie, but this old guy keeps photobombing me!

BOLIAN: Captain Picard is touring the ship again. He thinks we're all going to die, doesn't he?

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, a new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Picard to Counselor Troi, either get your mother off the ship or you're fired.

Riker: (thinking) Why can't we ever go anywhere nice?

Worf: (thinking) Best Away Mission EVER.

Riker: To answer your question, something like that.

Data: Intriguing, the original owner of this baseball card had very poor hygiene.

Picard: Mister La Forge, just because this one LED on your holiday light string doesn't work right, it DOESN'T mean we've discovered a new life form!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Lwaxana: Oh, you delightful Captain you, come here and pucker up!

Picard: Somebody please airlock me.

Riker: Marco!!

Guy Behind Riker: Polo!!

Worf: This is a game for petaQs.

Riker: What is this thing, Captain?

Louvois: It's what kept me busy after Jean-Luc dumped me.

Riker: Awkward....

Siri: What's your sign, Commander?

Data: Intriguing. What exactly are we looking at?

Picard: What's left of our dignity, it would seem.

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win!

Lwaxana: If you play your cards right, it'll be two totally different cheeks I'll be squeezing later!

Riker: Damn it, Geordi, you don't have super senses due to your blindness, that's Daredevil! Now, turn your VISOR back on and analyze what Worf found over here!

Riker: Yes, Data did win "Enterprise Crew Member of the Month," but so did this inanimate carbon rod.

Captain Louvois: Inanimate carbon rod?! Let me see!

Kivas Fajo: Yeah, I was into baseball cards before it was cool.

Data: A thief, I can live with. A hipster, though, that I cannot abide!

Picard: And you powered this light with a potato? Congratulations, Mr. LaForge, you're our new chief engineer!
http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Ithekro]

Number One: Oh there it is, the grumpy face. Chris use to have that one ever time we tried to set up Ensign Scott's whiskey still in the Impulse Engine's control room.

Riker: We could really use some high technology right now, Mr. LaForge.

LaForge: Sorry sir. There is some couple making out in the next cave.

Riker: Work before pleasure, Mr. LaForge. Unless you can do both at the same time. Now give me coordinates so we can move this mission.

Riker: The murderer was Professor Plum, in the Study, with a rod like this.

Data: This Operating System is highly efficient. This cannot be an Earth phone.

Picard: Well Mr. LaForge. You have invented a brain for your new multitasking shuttle robot. What will you call it.

LaForge: I've not gotten that far yet, Captain.

Wesley: How about "Longshoreman of the Apocalypse"?

Picard: Shut up, Wesley. We don't want to get sued. Again. Because of you.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

LWAXANA: Whooza cute widdu Captain. Whooza cute widdu Captain?

RIKER: Lt Argyle? This is where you've been hiding?
ARGYLE: Geordi threatened me!

RIKER: Your Honour, I offer in evidence prosecution's exhibit A, a rod of par-steel. By getting Data to bend it, proving how strong he is, I am going to convince you he is not a person.
VULCAN IN AUDIENCE: Racist!

KIVAS FAJO: Do you like it? It's a baseball card. Roger Maris. I stole it from a Lieutenant Commander Benjamin Sisko.
DATA: Interesting. So if I shot you with the torture laser, I would actually be sparing you pain!

PICARD: We finally found it. A race in the galaxy more arrogant than us!

 

[Mojochi]

LWaxana: I just can't help myself. It's like a man's body with a baby's head on it

Riker: Wesley?

Laforge: I think I see a neutrino beacon over there

Worf: No. We should definitely look over here

Riker: Regarding Mr. Data's relationship with Lt. Yar, I'd like to enter exhibit A

Data: According to this fine print, I think you voided the warrantee

The episode where Data's cat developed higher cognitive function was somewhat subpar, when all it wanted to do was use a laser pointer to mesmerize the crew

 

[hux]

Lwaxana: Who's a good little captain

La Forge: That's great guys, i look this way and you shine the lights over there.....dumbasses

Riker: Interesting. Data bent it but you seem to be making it stiffer

Data: I'm so glad I kept this scent of Yar as a reminder. Ahhhh fishy

Picard: I said go to red alert, Geordi
La Forge: I'm working on it captain, gimme a second to change the bulb

 

[Smellincoffee]

Picard, thinking: Bite me.
Lwaxana: Ooooh, but I'd LOVE to, mon cher!

Riker: SPOTTTTTTTT! SPOTTTTTTTTTT!
...Worf, WHY did you beam that animal down here?
Worf: The creature was making violent noises. I panicked.
LaForge: They're called hairballs, lieutenant.

Data: While beauty is said to be in the eye of the beholder, I believe I can say with confidence your own sense of aesthetics is absymal.

Picard: What..is it?
Wesley, chipper: Lightening in a bottle, captain! I caught it!
Data: Actually, Wesley, I believe you captured a wild Lens Flare.

 

[Rat Boy]

Lwaxana: "But LeadHead, he was referring to Bridge Commander, not Elite Force."

Riker: "Any ideas on what to do now?"

Geordi: "Maybe we could start an acapella group."

Riker: "Ideas on how to get out of this mess!"

Data: "I should probably tell Fajo that a first edition signed copy of Fifty Shades of Grey is not something one should brag about possessing."

Riker: "Is there anything about this object familiar to you at all, Captain? Length, weight, width?"

Louvois: "Yeah, they're all Jean-Luc's."

Dr. Crusher: "As you can see, Ensign Bell's going to make a full recovery."

Picard: "How did you manage that?"

Dr. Crusher: "Actually, all I did was clap."

 

[T'Girl]

Louvois: "Are you ready with the prosecution Commander?"

Riker: "Yes your honor, I intend to use this rod to beat the defense attorney to death, thereby winning the case by default."

Picard: "Objection."

Louvois: "Overruled, you may proceed Commander."

Picard: "Is the planet suitable for shore leave?"

Riker: "Just perfect sir."

Wesley: "Are there any small greenhouses?"

Riker: "No Wesley, there are no small greenhouses."

 

[Merlanthe]

Lwaxana: It won't hurt you to smile once in a while captain.

Picard: actually yes this does hurt ...

Riker: ...when I asked if you wanted to hold my rod this wasn't quite what I had in mind.

 

[Nerys Myk]

LAFORGE: According to the spectral analysis I just did with my VISOR the exit is this way.

RIKER: Quiet, Geordi. Worf and I are trying to find an exit!

KIVAS FAJO: You idiot! You just voided the warranty!!!

 

[Triskelion]

Lwaxana: Tea Earl Grey Hot! Tea Earl Grey Hot! Tea Earl Grey Hot! Ain't payback a bitch?!
Picard: It's a fair cop.

Riker: Complete isolation...darkness...no ray of light, no hope, no way out...have we beamed into Geordi's love life by mistake?
Geordi: It's a fair cop.

Data: Oh, that smells awful! Whoops, opened the panty vending machine by mistake.
Panty Vending Machine: Domo arigato Mister Roboto™.

Riker: Is my rod long and hard as steel, your Honor?
Judge: Nah, Troi says it's average - but she's only dated white guys, so....
Riker: Hoisted on my own petard!
Picard: <Stirs from napping> Hm, what?

Beverly: Amazing!
Data: Fascinating....
Wesley: Awesome!
Picard: Breathtaking!
Geordi: Wake me when it evolves tits.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Ask her where I can find Peter Pan!

 

[Hutchy01]

Crusher's Approach to Prostate Exam's was VERY relaxed!

 

[joededman]

Geordi: I've infused as much chocolate as is physically possible into this cheese cake. We just have to keep it in this pressurized stasis field until we give it to her.

Picard: Thank you Mr. La Forge. Maybe this year we'll have a little less whining from the counsellor during her birthday party.

Wesley: That does look tasty. Do you think she might share a little?

Data: Highly doubtful.

Crusher: You're going to make another one of these for my birthday, right? RIGHT!?!

Picard: But of course Doctor. Of Course.

 

[joededman]

Louvois: What are you doing with Data's.. uh, nevermind.

 

[Noname Given]

Lt. LaForge: "Now, the instructions say if we just add water, we'll see the seas-monkeys start to swim..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Kandor isn't as impressive as I was led to believe.