TNG Caption This! #411: Slice of Life

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Just barely starting this one before the end of the weekend!

First up to the plate, we have the "Klingon Wish List" Award, going to:

Riker: ``Worf ... you ... are you crying?''
Worf: ``It's just so beautiful! Best. Birthday. Ever.''

Next, we have the "Most Dangerous of Enemies" Award, going to:

T'Jon: I'm electrocuting you, you could at least act annoyed!

Next, we have the "Dangerous Situations" Award, going to:

Data: According to my tricorder, the alien only attacks unconvincing, wooden scenery
Riker: In that case, we should protect Yar

Data: For a weapons system that eliminated the entire population of this planet, it is a very poor shot.
Tasha: The were probably programed by Imperial Stormtroopers.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

I hope to be more consistent over the next few weeks, I know the TOS and Movies I-X contests are needing to be updated too. May is a crazy month for me. Don't worry, all is well, just busy.

Anyhoo, enough about me, lets get to the captioning!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Worf: Captain-

La Forge: I'm on it Captain!

Picard: I swear Mister La Forge, if we see ONE MORE Buffering message during this SpaceTube video...

Captain's Log Suplemental: Mister La Forge has beamed down to Penthara IV to assist the colonists with their climate emergency. Lucky, the rest of us are stuck up here with Professor Rasmussen.

La Forge: He's now running Linux!

Data: Whoops. I wish I could move extremely fast and that Phasers could fire wide beams.

Troi: Actually-

Data: We surrender.

Picard: No, Riker isn't in here. This game of Hide and Seek is taking entirely too long.

 

[Gepard]

"...and if you enjoyed that, here's some other technobabble you might like. But, you don't have to take my word for it."

[Reading Rainbow theme]

 

[tharpdevenport]

Geordi: "Commander, I understand he was designed to be human-looking, but that doesn't explain the big nose and neck wrinkles."

Data: "Neck wrinkles?"

"Ah, lieutenant Blue Balls, ah, I mean... merde."

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Mister Worf, did you just blast that girl scout cookie transport ship out of space?
Worf: I thought they were going to attack, sir.
Picard: With what - thin mint torpedoes?
Worf: They are cunning, sir.

StarDateless.com Member #47: Hi. I'm Geordi, and when I'm not saving planets from almost probable destruction I enjoy one-sided holodeck dates, building giant model ships in communal work areas, and adding zing to business meetings with a little homecooked fungus. Also, I can see through your clothes, but I promise not to without your permission.
Old guy in back: PERMISSION DENIED!

Riker: How are we supposed to get him to stop blinking 12:00?
Geordi: Look, just unplug him and plug him back in at 12:00. That's what I always do.

Troi: Data, did you delete your incontinence subroutine like I asked you to? There are some elements of human nature best left on the drawing board.
Data: No I did not, Counselor. No I did not.
Troi: Then that sound is...?
Data: A semi-organic nutrient suspended in a silicon-based liquid lubricant being involuntarily jettisoned through a nozzle. Yes.
Troi: Just checking.

Bolian: Oh great, as if my baldness wasn't glaring enough, now it's in 3D stereovision.

 

[Vanyel]

Picard: Sit and left over right. A captain reveals nothing. You'll learn how to properly sit in "The Big Chair" at Starfleet's captain's etiquette school.

LaForge: Kiss me, Deanna.
Picard: You're on the view screen Commander.

LaForge: Damned if I know how he did it.

Data: You can have the woman. I didn't see anything.

Picard: Get off of my seat.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Geordi was quite proud of his Chili Cookoff Night. He failed to realize that the entire science team had come down with the trots.

Picard: Crewman, what are you doing in Ten-Forward? Feeling blue, are we?

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD (Thinking): Really have to go to the bathroom, not sure how to get up and leave without making it obvious that's the reason.

GEORDI: Hey, this is G.L. Forge, and this is the first installment of my new YouTube show, Gettin Laid At The Forge.

GEORDI: He's frozen again!
RIKER: Did you try rebooting him?

MAN: We should keep one of them and send the other back to the ship with our ransom demand.
DATA: I'm only an android so they'll pay less for me.
MAN: Good point.
TROI: Hey!

BOLIAN: Captain Picard is touring the ship again. He thinks we're all going to die, doesn't he?

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win!

Picard: Try again, Mr. LaForge!

Worf: Sir, this is without honor...

Picard: It is them, who are without honor, Mr. Worf, the whole idea of paying so much for a channel is without honor. So, yes, maybe it's not most moral thing in the world to try to hack an HBONow account, but damn it, how else am I supposed to watch Game of Thrones?

Crewmember: Have you tried The Orion Spacedock? I heard they leaked a huge chunk of the season.

Picard: You better be right, Lt. your promotion hinges on this!

Geordi: Engineer's log: I am trying to take a selfie, but this old guy keeps photobombing me!

Geordi: Sorry sir, as much as I try, I can't sync Data to your Apple Watch.

Data: I realize we are about to being a firefight, but first, do you have a moment to discover the wonder that is Amway and its great product line?

Bolian: I just feel so insignificant. I mean, it's all fine until a senior crew member comes by and then it's like I don't even exist...

Guinan: Uh-huh, oh, hold that thought, the Captain's here, I have to go, he's probably got something important to discuss.
http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Okay, now we know where Troi and Riker went.

WORF: And what they're up to!

LAFORGE: How should I know what's wrong? I'm not an engineer!

Oh...wait, it's the second season. I am an engineer!!!!!

 

[Finn]

Riker: Geordi! We can still see you. Stop checking out your reflection.

 

[Triskelion]

Worf: Babylon 5 marathon.
Picard: No.
Worf: Pakled Pickers.
Picard: No.
Worf: Vulcan Zombies.
Picard: I...think those are actually just Vulcans, Mister Worf. So, no.
Worf: Parisses Squares playoffs.
Picard: Zakdorn vs Arcturians? No.
Worf: Gorn Soul Train.
Picard: I think not.
Worf: Orion Roundtable.
Picard: As if.
Worf: The Sheliak Bachelor.
Picard: Wait...no.
Worf: Real Ventaxian Housewives.
Picard: Rerun.
Worf: Shakespeare. Looks like...House of Macbeth.
Picard: ...No.
Worf: Sir? Shakespeare. In the original Klingon...?
Picard: Yes, I can see Lady Macbeth in a leather bustier eating the heart of a targ with a mek'leth. Still...no.
Worf: Mister Rogers neighborhood. The Weather Channel. Law and Order. Miss Universe Pageant. Cardassian Idol.
Picard: Wait...go back to the Weather Channel. That looked like a nasty cold front coming down on the Kreetassan northern continent.
Worf: Oh - sorry sir, the clicker's stuck again. We'll just have to watch this.
Picard: Merde. Is that an Antedean in a two-piece playing a trombone?
Worf: I hear she's got a real shot at winning the crown this year.
Picard: Obviously.
Geordi: <Removes VISOR>.

Data: I'm with you every day, Geordi. Every time you look at this positronic network, you're looking at me. Every time you touch it, it's me.
Geordi: I swear, I didn't!

 

[Ithekro]

Captain's Log: This long war with Cardassia. I keep having to put up a front that the Federation knows no war and that everything is a paradise, but I keep having to cycle officers to the front lines while doing this good will "exploration" tour to keep the civilian population and other potental enemies and allies from knowing just how bad things are near Bajor. I can't even tell my crew that we've been through five "William Rikers" in the last five years. It was good that they manage to clone him, but we will run out if this keeps up.

On a positive note, we got rid of Wesley today. Sent him off to a battle squadron over Chintoka.

STARE~

LaForge: He plugged himself into the warp drive control systems, then said "My god its full of stars," then was like this.

Riker: And the warp drive is now able to reach warp 13?

LaForge: Yes, sir. I don't understand how, but we are going beyond infinity.

Riker: Well...keep up the good work?

Troi: I sense hostility.

Data: That would be from me towards you.

Why am I in uniform? I know the captain always looks like that while touring the ship, but I'm off duty.

 

[T'Girl]

Picard: Get off of my seat.

Bolian (half turns on seat): "You talking to me?"

 

[2takesfrakes]

Brent: "Holy shit, I just realised something: In another 10 years, we'll probably be doing movies, right? What the hell am I going to do? I'm playing an android ... I can't age! They're going to screw me out of the movies, because I'm too old! You two are allowed to be old, but not me! Data's not allowed to be old ...! What am I gonna do??? Hell ... might as well quit now, am I right?"

LaVar: "He's having another panic-attack! Frakes, tell him something supportive, I'm not good with this kinda stuff ..."

Jonathan: "Uh ..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Picard: "...I feel so lonely..."

Worf: "But I'm here."

Geordi: "And me."

Redshirt: "Me too."

Picard: "...it's not the same. Do any of you have witty one-liners that overshadow my monologues? Do any of you sense painfully obvious emotional states. Wait...on second thought, I don't feel so lonely anymore."

Geordi: "Okay, boys and girls, we're going to read a very special book called 'Pressure Variances in IRC Tank Storage' by Montgomery Scott."

Data: "It appears to be a stratagem designed for catching a person unawares."

Geordi: "We purged the virus, but now he can't use contractions."

Riker: "Good, we'll retcon it so that he always hasn't been able to use contractions. Problem solved."

Bolian: "You know what, I'm going to go see if the video games need a spunky character with a sense of humor."

 

[hux]

TFTW

Crewman: I've always wondered.....is it a screen or a just a big window

La Forge: If we reconfigure the deflector to create a tachyon resonance cascade then we might be able to modify a high frequency sonic particle beam until it produces the high density fluctuating cobalt reaction we need

Old guy: Or we could just turn it off and on again

Riker: Data, look me in the eye and tell me your balls are bigger than mine
La Forge: They're this big commander

Troi: I'm sensing......
Data: Yeah, too late bitch but thanks for coming.

Picard: C'mon Jean Luc, you can do it. Just walk up to him and tell him you think he's lovely and would he like to go dancing sometime

 

[Smellincoffee]

Worf: Respectfully, sir, with Captain Riker on extended leave, and Data engaged on a research project, should I not assume some of the duties of First Officer?
Picard: No.
Worf: But if we should be attacked!
Picard: You can have the ship if I die. But no one is going to tell me I can't go on away missions!

LaForge: It's a faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!

Picard: Why is my barber in Starfleet uniform?

Troi: I sense an ambush!

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Oh, is this where they're holding the auditions for Blue Man Group?
Bolian: No, but Doctor Crusher said she's got the cure for my blue - never mind, not worth a court martial.

Troi: What were the odds we would run into trouble in an alien cave!
Data: Actually....

 

[Noname Given]

Announcer: "Today on Un-Dateable...."