TNG Caption This! #407: Data's Contest! (no joke this time)

[inflatabledalek]

Pleased to get a win despite my lack of Community knowledge. Top man Leadhead!

Data: After extensive research, I can now reveal that you are in fact the worst dressed person in Star Fleet Counsellor.

Riker: See, I said you should have kept to the mini-skirt.

Frakes: So I guess the only reason they're using stock footage of seven years younger me in All Good Things is because of the beard, right?


Right?

Guys?

Data: You're request to become a new recurring villain is denied.

Worf: *Thinking* The Captian's head... is so hypnotic....

*TORPEDO HIT*

Picard: Mr. Worf.... for the love of God, put the shields up!

Worf: *Thinking* So shiny...

Data: I have no idea how this woman can be descended from every actor to have played Doctor Who.

 

[Triskelion]

Data: It was a TARDIS sir.
Picard: Who was in it?
Data: Yes sir.
Picard: In the TARDIS.
Data: Who, sir.
Picard: The man in the TARDIS.
Data: Who was the man in the TARDIS, sir.
Picard: Yes, I'm asking you - who was the man in the TARDIS?
Data: Yes, sir. Though technically not a man, sir.
Picard: Who?
Data: Yes, sir. The Doctor, sir.
Picard: Beverly?
Data: Who, sir.
Picard: Beverly Crusher. The ship's doctor?
Data: I am aware of that sir.
Picard: Then you are aware she is technically not a man.
Data: Yes sir.
Picard: So it hardly qualifies as useful data, Data.
Data: Yes, sir. And a single "Data" will suffice, sir.
Picard: That's the spirit, Data. You are a unique life form.
Data: Yes sir, though I'm not sure why you bring it up, sir.
Picard: Well this qualifies as useful data, Data.
Data: Perhaps, sir, though I must insist that a single Data is still sufficient.
Picard: Yes, Data, quite. Like that fellow on the TARDIS. Exemplary individual, what.
Data: Not what, sir. Who.
Picard: What?
Data: Who, sir.
Picard: Better run a diagnostic on that data, Data.
Data: Sir, my name is not -
Computer: AUTO-DESTRUCT INITIATED.
Picard: Who did that?
Data: No sir. It was Lieutenant Worf, sir.
Picard: Who?
Worf: OH COME ON!!!!

Picard: - with an alert crew, even our primitive vocal communications are unnecessary. With a single look I was able to inform my crew that I wanted to hold you here....
Riker <thinking>: May as well get comfortable, here he goes again.
Geordi <thinking>: Ladies night at Ten Forward...?
Data <thinking>: I'll fake the maintenance call. You assemble the team, jazz man.
Riker <thinking>: Make it so!

Data: Just because you named it "Exhibit A" does not mean you can display it for the court, sir.

Picard: Forty seven degrees to port, Wesley.
Wesley: Adjusting temperature of alcohol decanter now, sir.
Picard: And that's why I listen to his suggestions and not yours, Mister Worf.

Data: I have been testing the aphorism that 'The shortest distance between two points is a good user interface.'
Remmick: And what have you learned?
Data: I need a heated chair.
Remmick: Or, you could just wear pants....

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Data: Mr. Remmick, may I ask when this interrogation will be concluded?
Remmick: I can't tell.
Data: You may tell me, I am the second officer.
Remmick: No, I mean I'm just not sure.
Data: Are you able to guess?
Remmick: Hmmm....Well, not for another two hours.
Data: You cannot venture a guess for another two hours?

 

[LeadHead]

Hey everyone! Normally this would be the post where I have a link to the next contest, but I wanted to give Data some more time to get captioned. However, I also thought that it would be nice to have more to work with here, so I'm going to add some more photos to the mix!

Data: According to these readings, LeadHead is super lazy this weekend.

Data: Perhaps you would enjoy my poetry instead?

In the alternate ending to "Second Chances," both Rikers are killed, Data becomes First Officer and for some reason Tomalak hangs out on the bridge.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA Directly from the Las Remus Hilton...L'Berace!

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: Why would a touch screen be more practical?

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: What does the Enterprise and Toliet paper have in common? They both circle Uranus wiping out Klingons.

Why did the Borg cross the road? Because it assimilated the chicken!

These are the jokes, people. I have a million of them!



PICARD: Sadly, he's not exaggerating.

 

[shivkala]

Data: It is Mr. Tricorder. No response? Well, I certainly will not do this again, emotion chip or not!

Data: I should not have chosen Bill Cosby circa 2015 to emulate...

Spiner: I'll, I'm, Can't, Don't, Won't, Shouldn't, Couldn't, Y'all, Ain't...

Burton: Brent, that's enough with the contractions, can we get back to filiming?

Spiner: Sorry, LeVar, it's just so freeing after not being able to say a contraction for six whole years. You're, You'll...

Burton: Wait, you haven't said any contractions? You do realize only Data can't say contractions, not Brent Spiner.

Spiner: It's called "Method Acting," you twit! For the past 6 years I've lived, modulated my breathing, consumed food just to fit in, and talked like an android! Just because you're unprofessional enough to remove your VISOR when you're not on set doesn't mean we're all as unprofessional!

Burton: I have an Emmy nomination for Roots, what do you have?

Spiner: A nomination, oh, well, excuse me for not almost winning an Emmy. You will have to invite me over some time to see the spot on your mantle where you keep your Emmy Nomination!

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Triskelion]

^Ouch!

Data: So you call this transporter room interference? I call that one bar, four text notifications and three inbox alerts. But hey, what the heck do I know about electronics?

Audience Member: You suck!
Data the Fiber Optic Cable Guy: I do not come down to the shuttlebay where you work and knock the hyperspanners out of your rear access panel!

Data: Damn, I look good in red.
Tomalak: If you say so, Commander.
Data: I beg to diff - hey, where did you come from?
Tomalak: That big Romulan Warbird over there.

 

[Hutchy01]

Same joke different 'shop.

ARDRA: Change of plans,Captain. Meet my boyfrie...er, the new judge.

ARDRA: Change of plans,Captain. Meet my boyfrie...er, the new judge.

Picard: We've been Q'ing up for this for years

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Tomalak: Hello? Whoever's filming this, GET ME OUT OF HERE! This android has been practicing dramatic poses for over an hour and I'm stuck on this damned bridge. HELLO? Stun me, transport me into the cargo hold, shoot me and send me to Vorta Vor, I don't care, just get me OUT of here!

 

[Ithekro]

Katsulas: I am looking for Peter Jurasik, have you seen him on set? I was told I'll be playing several scene with him.

Spiner: I have not seen him. What role was he playing?

Katsulas: An ambassidor I think.

Spiner: I only saw you and Patrick on the list for that today.

Katsulas: Most odd.

 

[Finn]

Second Officer's Log: Commander Remmick displayed some strange swelling behavior in his neck, as if the thyroid gland was trying to burst out. I am not sure if I should be concerned at this time. It could be simply attributed to a non-Human ancestry as a part of his lineage has early Earth colonists who colonized several system well beyond the NX-01's reaches.

 

[Ithekro]

Data: Now understand something Ensign. You saw both the Captain and Commander dematerialize in an accident caused by a faulty flow sensor. There was nothing you could do. And I, was never here.

Data (thinking): I really should have kept my brothers around for this routine. The Three Soong Brothers. I would be the witty one. Lore could be the smooth talker with an accent, and B4 could be the mute prankster. Lal would have been the fourth. She would play the straight man role and we eventually forget about her.

 

[Rat Boy]

Data: "Scans indicate the average human needs a magnifying glass to read this screen."

Data: "...'we call it The Aristocrats!'"

Data: "Clearly my client did not commit the murder on the night in question for as you can plainly see he has two arms."

 

[Nebusj]

Picard: ``Why is Data badly photoshopped into this scene? Suggestions?''
Data: ``I ... am here, sir. In person.''
Riker: ``Yeah, there's something weird about his lighting. Definitely a hack job.''
Data: ``No, I am standing before you. In person.''
Troi: ``He looks a little short too. Didn't they do a test run on the shopping job?''
Data: ``I am not a fake. I am present.''
Worf: ``I can make out something strange in the focus and some rasterization effects around his hair.''
Data: ``You cannot. I am here. In reality.''
Picard: ``Have the head of the imaging department come here and give an explanation.''
Data: ``But ... but ... ''

Will Riker quickly recognized that Data and LaForge had left their wax figure duplicates behind and ditched him. Well, he noticed after three days of staring at them.

Data: ``Yes. You may as part of your closing statements test whether the curtain behind me is a Mad Magazine fold-in, and if so, what joke it makes about Richard Nixon.''

Worf: ``Chaaaaaaairrrrrrrrr.''
Picard: ``What?''

Data: ``How can I owe $337 income tax to the state of New Jersey?''

Data: ``And I just downloaded an app that makes it a puppet.''

Data: ``I just integrated a p-Form on an associated covector tangent space and boy are my torsional coordinate frames symplectic!''

Data: ``As you observe, my lower sleeve is in front of Ambassador Tomalak's shirt. As you also observe, Ambassador Tomalak's upper sleeve is in front of my uniform. Is your mind blown yet?''

 

[Smellincoffee]

Data: After the bishop viewed the all-girls version of A Midsummer's Night's Dream, he said to his audience...that's the first time in my life I've ever seen a female Bottom!
....
(crickets)

 

[LeadHead]

New Contest!