TNG Caption This! #369: Ready and able

[Triskelion]

Crusher: It would be unethical to violate Doctor-Patient confidentiality by telling you Captain Picard's results from his mind meld with Sarek.
Satie: We didn't ask, Doctor.
Crusher: However, since I am under oath I can tell you that for some people, sex every seven years is an improvement.

 

[Armored Saint]

BEVERLY: Jono, have you ever been in a Tellarite prison?
TROI: Do you ever hang around the gymnasium?

 

[Nerys Myk]

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Beverly: Jono, how long have you felt ill?

Jono: I can't tell.

Beverly: You can tell me, I'm a doctor.

Jono: No, I mean I'm not sure.

Beverly: Well, can't you take a guess?

Jono: A...couple of days, I think.

Beverly: You can't take a guess for a couple of days?

 

[Admiral Bear]

Data's idea to romance Tasha to the strains of "You spin me right round, Baby, right round" got a little out of hand.

 

[Triskelion]

LOL Nerys Myk, don't ever stop!

Crusher: It would be unethical to violate Doctor-Patient confidentiality by telling you how and when Wesley lost his virginity.
Satie: We didn't ask, Doctor.
Crusher: However, since I am under oath I can tell you that it would also require crossing over into some kind of wacky parallel universe.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Crusher: It would be unethical to violate Doctor-Patient confidentiality by telling you who put the bomp in the bomp ba bomp ba bomp.
Satie: We didn't ask, Doctor.
Crusher: However, since I am under oath I can tell you who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong.

 

[Finn]

First Officer's Log: Don't hit on Lursa in Ten Forward

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Crusher: "You want to know of any immoral or unethical behavior I've noticed in any of crew? Hmm. You'd better have some coffee sent in. And probably some sandwiches, too."

 

[shivkala]

Crusher: It would be unethical to violate Doctor-Patient confidentiality by telling you who put the bomp in the bomp ba bomp ba bomp.
Satie: We didn't ask, Doctor.
Crusher: However, since I am under oath I can tell you who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong.

Satie: Again, we didn't ask. The question was, "Who wrote the book of love?" And I have a follow up, "Why do fools fall in love?"
http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Armored Saint]

BEVERLY: Dumping Odan because he new host was a woman? Give me a break, it was because the real Odan is just a shrimp without carapace.

 

[Honorable Ensign]

Dr. Crusher: I've called you all here to announce I've found the ship's chapel.

 

[T'Girl]

Data: "Geordie, is masturbation appropriate on the bridge?"

 

[inflatabledalek]

Thanks for the laugh Leadhead!

I did some lovely replies to this yesterday, but they seem to have vanished (I think I hit "Preview" rather than "Reply", like a genius), so second time around...

Picard: Yes Mr. Data, you can indeed control your console with your detached penis from the other side of the bridge. Now, never do it again.

Crusher: Now, all I need to do is take your temperature, so open wide for me.

Boy: OK, ahhhhhhhh...

Crusher: No no no, this isn't a mouth thermometer...

Riker: I'm telling you, if the Captain ever gets sent on a suicide mission I'll definitely be given the centre seat. There's no way it will go to the old bloke from Robocop.

McFadden: So let me tell you about Maurice Hurley...

Riker: Hey Worf, I finally found where your dignity ended up!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Picard: Mr. Worf?

Riker: Yes, Lieutenant, I think you have some explaining to do.

Worf: Klingon taco farts are the height of honor!!

 

[T'Girl]

Troi: "I am sensing desire and ... youthful horny-ness."
Crusher: "Well he not looking at me."
Troi: "Nor me."
Worf (os): "I am becoming uncomfortable."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the win.

Worf: Why does everyone always blame me for flatulence? Klingons ANNOUNCE breaking wind.

Picard, thinking: Dammit, they've realized it wasn't Worf.

Crusher: What do you mean, kissing to make it feel better doesn't work? Every time Jean-Luc gets a headache --

Riker, OS: What kind of cocktail recipe needs to be stirred upside down, Geordi?
Geordi, OS: The kind I invented to haze the night barkeep.

 

[LeadHead]

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