TNG Caption This! 340: New Possibilities

[LeadHead]

Hello and Happy New Year everyone! Speaking of new, time for a new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Not the best Android for the job" Award, going to:

RIKER: That's the last time I put Data in charge of the Captain's birthday party.

Next, we have the "Awesome Replacements" Award, going to:

Fans who thought that the wait for Sherlock series 3 was too long, won't be happy to learn that the wait for series 4 was so long, Picard and Data took to making their own, fan-made version, to tide them over.

Next, we have the "Boundaries" Award, going to:

Touch my shit again and I will end you!

Next, we have the "What kind of bait do you use?" Award, going to:

Riker: "Okay, here's the net. Why do we need the phasers?"
Worf: "You haven't seen Klingon fish, sir."

Next, we have the "Only from RonCo OF THE FUTURE!!!" Award, going to:

LaForge: "Hey, guys, check out what Lieutenant Popeil just came up with!"
Riker: "What does it do?"
LaForge: "Damn near everything!"

Our photoshop award, goes to:

DATA: D..D..did I ever tell you how mush I hate you, you little punk. You wesh yer saving the day and pulling magic tech outa yer ash! I'm the Schpock around here you weasel! I'm the Schpock!!!!!!

(Throws up on Wesley's sweater)

Captain's Log, Stardate 45701.3. Mr. Data and I are completing our survey of Toralia IV, where the society and culture are almost identical to late 19th century England. Apparently James Kirk's multiple log entries referencing parallel Earths may not have been, as I initially believed, complete bullshit.

RIKER: Well. It's big, isn't it... OK, OK, New Year's Resolution: no more impulse eBay buys.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

It feels a bit weird to me, setting up my last caption contest of 2013, it's amazing how many contests happen every year, but even more amazing is how much creativity and humor you all bring to them every time. Thanks for another great year of captioning! Happy new year to you all!

Also, what had I changed a couple of weeks ago? The Awards images have been upgraded to Blu-Ray quality! I think they look nicer that way.

Without further ado, lets get going!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Worf: I know you think everyone likes you, but it's mutiny time, sucker!

Picard: That's a great idea, Wesley. Now get off my bridge!

Data: Wesley, can you explain how you broke Commander Riker's watch?

Troi: (thinking) Please don't ask me to take the helm, please don't ask me to take the helm, please don't ask me to take the helm...

Riker: Geordi, the engines are still offline, shouldn't you be in engineering?

La Forge: Awwwwwww, it's nicer up here.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the win!

Worf: "I smell the foul stench of a poor Shia LaBoeuf lookalike. There's one behind me, isn't there?"

Picard: "Context, Mr Crusher. Context. That isn't the Time Warp I ordered you to do. Now pay attention."
Riker: "Um... sir, stuck in the 22nd Century?"
Picard: "Priorities, Numbah One!"

Data: "I never realised it before HD, but that is the least flattering uniform design I have seen. Why such blatant crotch stitching? The giant corduroy shoulder patches?"
Wesley: "Oh, Robin likes those. She says it gives her traction."

Geordi: "Counsellor, the ship will remain at alert status until you figure out the remote to the main screen and turn the spanish dub audio off."
Worf: "The Pakled ship says, 'La unidad no funciona'"

LaForge: "Nice nacelles. Really cool warpfield dynamics on that model."
Worf muttering: "If you were as appreciative of females as you were of starship design, maybe you'd get a date."

 

[Triskelion]

Wesley: I don't get it. The nanites seem to be smaller now.
Data: I am scanning your pants.

Troi: Tea Earl Grey hot! There are four lights! Ship shape and bristol fashion!
Tamarian Captain: Shaka, when the douche fell! Kailash when it's not so fresh!
Worf: Tamarians suck at Pyramid.

 

[Mojochi]

Picard: Please inform the resident next door that 5 verses of "My Way" on the trombone is quite enough

Picard: Look! I already tolerate that abysmal smelling hair gel from one of my bridge officers. I'm going to wretch if you wear it too

Data: Thank you, Wesley. I occasionally wish Dr. Soong had made me female, so my hands could be more delicate in design... Like yours

Dorn: Ha, I'd like to see them try to kill off a redshirt in this episode

Geordi: I wonder what it would be like to have a black captain

Worf: Hell, I'm just hoping my next captain has more hair. Human dome heads creep me out

 

[Holdfast]

Thanks for the Belly Laugh!! And for continuining to run the contest; one of the few reasons I still keep checking back into the BBS these days.

WORF (and his gang): When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way, from your first cigarette to your last dyin' day!

PICARD: And then, Wesley, the daddy bee comes along and stings the mommy bee in a very special way...
RIKER: This is just sick.
TROI: Will, I think you need to shut up and take notes.

DATA: Yes, that's the problem. Cheap Chinese knock-off internal chronometer.
WESLEY: It's your internal chronometer.
DATA: No wonder I'm always late for duty.

TROI: But, it's... terrifying.
LA FORGE: Mr Worf, full sensor scan!
WORF: Sensors confirm! That IS our new Captain.

WORF (reading): 5'7", blonde, gsoh, n/s, single parent, three eyes, scales, indeterminate gender, humanoid with chance of devolving into amphibian.
GEORDI: Eh, call her. I've dated worse.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Worf: "You want a security detail? To make sure Vash doesn't 'hurt you'? You are without honor! Or balls!"

 

[Armored Saint]

WESLEY: Now, what we just need is an appropriate moment to plug it on his visor and it's gonna be the greatest prank ever.
GEORDI: I'm just right behind you.

WORF: Our team also has Geordi, Data and O'Brien, so I'm not really impressed by your Riker and your Ensign Ro-Ro-Ro-Ro-Your-Boat.

Everyone except TROI: I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me....
TROI:**I must follow the bouncing ball on the screen! I must follow the bouncing ball on the screen!**

TROI (OS):**I must follow the bouncing ball on the screen! I must follow the bouncing ball on the screen!**

PICARD: I don't know where you got that idea, but beard is for punks, not for good Starfleet officers!

 

[shivkala]

Wesley: Once we fix this old Time Vortex Manipulator, we'll be able to travel through time and space!

Data: Where did you get this again?

Wesley: Some mostly dead Captain.

Data: Mostly?

Wesley: Long story and I really don't want to go into details about how, exactly I obtained it.

 

[Finn]

How Geordi got promoted between 1st and 2nd season...
​

*ship rocks with phaser hits*

Deanna: The Ensign's unconscious. I better take over the helm

Geordi: No, stay there. We will get out of here just fine

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: Mr Worf, now that you're standing directly behind me all the time I've been meaning to talk to you about your personal hygeine. Take a bath. That's an order.

PICARD: Go to your room. You are grounded young man.
WESLEY: You're not my father!

WESLEY: Data, why is your Youtube channel just a lot of videos of people telling me to shut up?
DATA: I did a statistical analysis of internet trends, and that proved the most likely content to generate the most hits.

Geordi figured out how to put infared spectrum pornography on the viewscreen, and thought it was the perfect crime until he remembered Troi was an empath.

WORF: Troi.
GEORDI: Eh. I would go with Beverly.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Mr. Crusher, it is not your place to question why Counselor Troi spends so much time on the bridge when there is nothing going on that requires her empathic abilities!"
Worf: "Still...food for thought."

 

[shivkala]

Picard: Worf, as Captain, I feel it's my duty to inform you to knock off this "Security Entourage" thing. We get it, you're the head of security, you don't need to show up everywhere with these two in tow.

Picard: ...and the third thing is...Damn it Wesley, you're not even listening to me are you? You're...you're staring at Counselor Troi's boobs again, aren't you?

Crusher: N-no, sir.

Troi: And why the Hell not, Wesley? Am I not pretty enough for you?

Crusher: I-I, oh God, I'm not going to win, no matter what I say, am I?

Wesley: Naw, it's okay, Data, they always give you extra parts.

Worf: We are being hailed by the Bieberonians, a sect of humanity who fled Earth when humanity turned against a singer named Justin Bieber and his fans.

Troi: Geordi, I'm sensing a high level of teenage puberty from their ship.

Geordi: It's going to be okay, Deanna, we beat the Gagaonians, the KatyPerrians, and The Vanilla Ice Collective, we can beat these Bieberonians.

Worf: Captain, we can all rest easy, Ambassador Troi has been safely transported to the planet.

Picard: I think I can speak for all of when when I say, we successfully survived another visit from Luxwana while she's going through the Phase without incident.

Geordi: Eh, I'd still hit that.

Worf: What is it with you engineers and your sad, pathetic love lives?

Geordi: Hey, at least the women I've been involved with are still alive.

Worf: You would have to be "involved" with someone first, for that to even be valid.

Picard: Picard to Sick Bay, Beverly, we're going to need the med kit, Geordi just got burned.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: If you're planning to take me down, Worf, you'd better have someone other than Michael Jackson and Shia LaBeouf as your back ups.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Thanks for all the caption-ey related joy in 2013!

Worf: I'm sory Sir, you're not getting into Mr. Mott's New Year's Eve party without an invitation.

Picard: I laughed when your Dad died.

Wesley: So between us, all our loose change will just about buy us a Big Mac.

Data: Perhaps we should just wait till pay day before eating out?

Wesley: I can't be arsed with cooking tonight!

Geordi: Wow, you can tell the Captain is French, this chair doubles as a latrine...

Geordi: What cha talkin' 'bout Worf?

 

[Cascades]

Worf: "You ready boys?"
Officers behind: "Hell yeah"
Worf: *clicks fingers* *Show music plays* "And a one, a two, a one, two, three, four"

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Worf: "It would appear that Lt. Barkley has reprogrammed the view screen to show the Tommy Lee/Pamela Lee Sex video on a repeated loop."

Deanna: " My God look at the size of that thing!"

Geordi: "Sigh" (Thinking god was not kind to me)

 

[Bad Thoughts]

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

(DS9 caption contest crossover.)

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

"Ensign Crusher, report to the caption contest for humiliation, permanent assignment."

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Let that be a lesson to you, young man. A person's underwear drawer is her private property. For your punishment - no homework for a week! No, make that two weeks!

Riker: Doctor Crusher was wondering when she might have her unmentionables back, sir.

Picard: After I've cataloged them as evidence for my report, Number One. And wrestled with the ethical dilemma of placing this incident on Mister Crusher's Permanent Record. So...a few nights at least.

Worf: Sorry sir. Your name came up in the Purple Nurple duty roster.
Picard: Make it so, Lieutenant.

Troi: Alien ship moving to port flank, sir!
Bridge crew: STARBOARD!
Troi: Also I'm sensing some hostility.