TNG Caption This! 325: To Glory

[LeadHead]

Hey, I'm somewhat on time for once!

First up to the plate, we have the "Honorable Prayers" Award, going to:

WORF (sotto voce): Glorious Kahless, please kill these endlessly prattling humans with fire & brimstone. Amen".

Next, we have the "Not so scary" Award, going to:

Q: You haven't seen the last of me!

WORF: Yeah. Right. Whatever.

Next, we have the "Ouch! That's gotta Hurt" Award, going to:

Data: Interesting, most people seem to prefer James McAvoy.

Next, we have the "Upgrades" Award, going to:

Data: Behold, Worf: the long lost chip from Doctor Soong.
Worf: Emotions?
Data: Kung Fu Grip.
Worf: A warrior's clench.

Next, we have the "Cold Case" Award, going to:

"Hundreds of years after the fact, new evidence came to light that indicated Geordi LaForge became the Enterprise's chief engineer after the mysterious death of several of the ship's previous chief engineers. No one ever suspected LaForge's involvement, and, yet, all of the chief engineers before suffered mysterious ailments or accidents shortly after talking with him. LaForge would deny it, of course, but forensic evidence showed his connection with their murders.

Here, we see rare archival footage showing LaForge disorienting Logan after cutting his medicinal marijuana with LSD. Shortly thereafter, Logan would walk out of an airlock and be blown into the vaccum of space in what Enterprise security would dub, "a freak accident."

Recent theories have emerged suggesting that Worf aided LaForge in his engineer murder spree, though evidence has not yet proven this hypothesis. However, it should be noted that Worf was only made chief of security after the death of his predecessor at, "the hands of a living oil sludge," a rather suspicious turn of events in and of itself." --Exercept form The Enterpise-D: Ship of Death, Orgies, and Long-Boring Speeches by New Vulcan Times bestselling author, R'd N. Bry

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

Geordi: Worf, you've gotta stop doing this
Worf: It was the only option. She was annoying me
Picard: Mr Worf, you can't keep throwing people out the airlock whenever they annoy you!
Worf: She kept commenting on how angry I am
Geordi: That's her JOB!

Second Officer's Log: It has been two weeks since Captain Picard and Commander Riker left for shore leave on Risa with Counselor Troi and her mother. I have found being in command of the Enterprise a rewarding and learning experience....

I asked LaForge to improve the warp coil efficiency to 99.98 percent, even through 96.4 was within accepted parameters. He has been working hard around the clock improving efficiency in a variety of systems for over a week now. I noted his excellent performance in his records...

Worf: Another message from Risa again. Picard is asking why the Enterprise hasn't returned

Data: Let him know our engines still need work

LaForge: "'Symmetry'? With all due respect, Captain, 'symmetry' be damned! My back is killing me! We need another chair in here!"

Congratulations to our winners! Many thanks to everyone who participated!

I can't guarantee the same punctuality for next weekend, but I'll do my best.

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Data: It has been your move for 47.2 minutes. I believe we have found something that you stink at.

Worf: For an android, he's surprisingly easy to carry.

Rikers popularity was low during some episodes of TNG.

Picard: Yeah, I just saw you make out with that girl. And no, I'm not gonna tell your mother. Sorry but, your love life is just not that interesting.

Picard: Doctor...

Crusher: Sorry, apparently we don't have clothes for patients in the 24th Century.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WES: Shouldn't we be thinking about how to get out of this asteroid belt?

WORF: I'll be in my bunk.

CRUSHER: Deanna didn't get the full inoculation after returning from Risa.

 

[TorontoTrekker]

The Selay ambassador was determined that he would have the first dance with Riker during the Enterprise's inaugural Saturday Night Rave.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Worst. Backrub. Ever.

 

[Nerys Myk]

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW, Leadhead!

Data: You have used my Queen's gravitational pull as a slingshot. Excellent!

Riker: You think Data will ever figure out we've got a whole cargo bay full of disposable androids?

Worf: No, the "unique lifeform" shtick is too seductive. Like we can't replicate matter at the atomic level, let alone some reject from the Country Bear Jamboree.

I have had it with these motherf***ing snakes on this motherf***ing starship!

Wesley: We have to stop meeting like this.
Picard: Captain's prerogative.

Beverly: They are from a time before genital shaving was common.
Picard: I know, why do you think I came all the way down here.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Riker: "Really? He has to be plugged in to recharge? I had no idea! So...where's his plug?"
Worf: "You don't want to know, sir."

Crusher: "No, Captain. I've scanned them. They don't have any '20th century cooties.'"
Picard: "Good, good..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SELAY: Relax Riker, it's just something we wear at concerts and amusement parks.

 

[shivkala]

TFTW, Leadhead!

Captain's Log: We are navigating a very dangerous asteroid field which would greatly benefit from an android's reflexes or even, Mr. Crusher's ability to create, at the last minute, a means of avoiding whatever calamity we've found ourselves in this week. However, both of those crewmembers claim they are engaged in a very important tactical situation. Frankly, I call bullshit on this, but there is no way of knowing what they are up to.

Riker: Mr. Worf, put down that android this instant!

Worf: But I found him! Can I keep him, please?!

Selay: Yes, we've got him. Now let's hope the Legend of Riker is true. They say he'll put out for anyone with a vaguely feminine form!

Wesley Crusher was many things. Good at "Hide-N-Seek" was not one of them.

Picard: Doctor! You've got three half-naked 20th century humans in your sickbay beds! What, exactly, do you call this?

Crusher: A good start to an evening of possibilities.

Picard: In that case, dibs on the chick.

Crusher: Must you spoil everything?

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Data: "I am attempting to emulate human behaviour, but I remain uncertain as to what is appropriate. I watched a 20th Century film for information on this game. Should I use that as a basis for my game playing style?"
Wesley: "Yeah, sure. Go ahead. What was the movie by the way?"
Data: "The Thomas Crown Affair."

Data: "In the event of an emergency, I am programmed to be used as a battering ram."

First Officer's Personal Log: I'm having a hard time explaining to the Selay the meaning of the word 'auto' in the phrase 'autoerotic asphyxiation'. On the other hand I am impressed by their... enthusiasm.

Wesley: "Captain. The injunction said thirty yards. Thirty yards!"

Crusher: "Prolonged hypersleep has unexpected effects on human physiology following revival. The males all had inappropriate erections, but I took care of those."

 

[Holdfast]

TFTW LeadHead!

WESLEY: Damn, mate in three. It's so embarrassing losing games against the AI.

RIKER: You do realise he won't be any more edible after cooking, right?

RIKER: No! I won't go to the rave!

PICARD: I hate meeting people in corridors. Should I say hello, or nod, or just walk by silently while pretending not to notice them?
WESLEY: Well, the last is what you did when I bumped into you outside my mother's quarters before work...

PICARD: No, these new uniforms are even worse.

 

[Syd]

Wesley: You know Data the more I look at this chess board pondering my next move, the more I think that I'm going to be a virgin for the rest of my life.
Data: That is a very astute observation Wesley.

Riker: What are you doing with Data Mr. Worf?
Worf: I'm taking him to his quarters sir.
Riker: You've never heard of the human expression "let sleeping androids lie"?
Worf: You know I never listen to your human expressions sir. Besides, his snoring was bothering me.

Riker: No I don't want to be a part of the Selay intergalatic zoo!
Selay: There will be donuts in it for you.
Riker: Then what are you waiting for, take me there!

Picard: I see you've been taking fashion tips from our interior decorator.
Wesley: You could say that I am a ....model of efficiency.
Picard: Oh shut up Wesley

Picard: Look at these people, so relaxed, peaceful, free of worry and concern.
Crusher: That's what happens when you get a massage from Nurse Ogawa.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Thanks ftw Leadhead.

Wesley: I think the keen observational skills I've honed during my time on this ship will really help me win this game.

Data: You failed to notice the planet outside the window exploding.

Wesley: Wait... planet? Are we in space?

Worf: For all we mock the primitive times when you had to open a door by hand, at least you could leave the room when the power went out.

Lizard Man: Whoa, sorry dude. I'm looking for the Masters of the Universe set.

Picard: I hate you.

Picard: Best sterilise them whilst they're under, they might start procreating when they wake up and I don't want to wind up with any more bloody kids on the ship.

 

[Triskelion]

Wesley: Bottle stopper takes salt shaker.
Data: I will have your pen holder in three moves.

Worf: Commander for your sake that better not be your hand on my ass.

Riker: No, you made your point last time.

Alien: Febreze the Drakar!

Wesley: Awk-ward.

Crusher: Sorry, Captain. None of them are a compatible hair donor.
Picard: I'm beginning to think you aren't sincere.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

WESLEY: Data, why did they make chess three dimensional? It adds nothing and makes everything more confusing.
DATA: Accessing. Ahh. It appears in the 22nd century, people started arbitrarily making every day things more complicated so the past could, quote, 'suck it'.

RIKER: You sold Data on ebay?
WORF: I'm out of blood wine.

ALIEN: You're the one who ate our eggs!
RIKER: Those were yours? Eww!
ALIEN: We demand justice. We must now be allowed to eat one of your young!
RIKER: You think we'd let you do that, you think...hmm... Ensign Crusher, report to deck 25.

Wesley isn't very good at hide and seek.

CRUSHER: They're dying.
PICARD: How do you know?
CRUSHER: The little green arrows are going down toward the bottom.
PICARD: ...Damn.

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the win

Data: *thinking* Here's my chance to continue my experiment on an ancient warrior feat called "The Wedgie". I'm curious with how a Klingon would react....

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: He was one of a kind and you broke him! What are the chances we'll find another Soong android?

 

[jazzstick]

Wesley: Can I take that move back?

Data: Wesley, you know the agreement, you loose, you have to dress like a woman and be my dance partner!

Data may have seemed off-line but this was his plan to find out just how firm Klingon asses really where!

Ahhhhhh, a little to the left....

Captian, are you hiding from my mom too?

Dr.Crusher:Jean Luc the guest are ready for the "full" captain's inspection.

Jean Luc: Excellent Doctor!

 

[Triskelion]

Wes: I'm going to win this one, Commander. There's nothing that will break my concentration this time.

Data: Tasha Yar's sexual repertoire -

Wes: .....

Data: - necessitates dermal regeneration...

Wes: .....

Data: Of the underballs.

Wes: ....

Data: - Her - underballs.

Wes: .....Dammit! <storms off>

Data: ....Punk.