TNG Caption This! 320: On top of the world

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Sorry, not back on the weekend again.

First up to the plate, we have the "Peer Pressure" Award, going to:

Data: You must think for yourselves--you are all individuals!
Crowd: We are all individuals. . .

Next, we have the "Not so early diagnosis" Award, going to:

Crusher: So she went into a coma at the start of her shift on the bridge...

Picard: And we didn't notice till it ended 8 hours later. If anything, I felt she was contributing slightly more than usual.

Next, we have the "Sadly, a scene that has happened too many times in my life" Award, going to:

Nuria: "It doesn't look like you would imagine from this high up; I mean I've sometimes wondered what the world would look like if I were a bird, but that wasn't nearly this high, of course; I was in a really high tree one time when I was a child, and everything looked kind of different, but not like this; I heard a song once about a bird flying high in the sky... Do you have a headache, Picard? My ex-husbands both had trouble with headaches, too!"

Next, we have the "Jumping to conclusions" Award, going to:

Riker: Engage? Engaged to who? Dammit! I'm keeping my options open! Did SHE put you up to this?

Next, we have the "Go for it, Captain!" Award, going to:

Picard: You have the bridge, Number One. I shall be making it so.

Picard: Captain's Personal Log, Supplemental. The crew believe I am lucky to be going on an away party with the Doctor and the Counselor. However, in my experience, it just means I'll be nagged the entire time, like women love to do. "Captain, you shouldn't just head off until I've done a medical scan." "Captain, I'm sensing danger, you shouldn't just go on ahead." Blah, blah, blah...

Dr. Crusher: You know we can hear you when you do your log entries, don't you?

VILLAGERS: Okay, we'll come with you.
DATA: You must come with me, or else...wait, what?
VILLAGERS: We said we'll come with you.
DATA: You will? You mean we're telling you to leave the place you call home, and you're putting your survival and practical necessity before your emotional attachment to it?
VILLAGERS: Yes.
DATA: Seriously. You're messing with me right?

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

New contest, lets go!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Captain's Log: We have discovered a true artificial intelligence aboard the Enterprise. Even the hologram we used to try to give Geordi a good date was disinterested in him.

Picard: Helm, pull over at that rest stop. Counselor Troi needs to take care of Number One.

Worf: Ah, so that's where your hands have been.

Guy on the left: I'm just 3 days from retiremen-

Picard: (over comm) Drop everything!

Riker drops Scientist

Picard: (over comm) Ha, that never gets old.

 

[Nerys Myk]

ANAKIN: Die you Jedi bastards!

 

[shivkala]

Sensing his date was failing, Geordi attempted to MacGuyver his way out of it.

Crusher: Sickbay to Bridge, I've figured out what we are dealing with. Everyone on this ship who replicated fish for dinner will become violently ill within the next half hour.

Picard: Just how serious is it, Doctor?

Crusher: Extremely serious. It starts with a slight
fever.

Troi starts showing signs of a chill.

Then a dryness in the throat.

Troi starts to talk, but can't because her throat is dry.

As the virus penetrates the red blood cells the victim becomes dizzy and begins to experience a rash and itching.

Troi acts dizzy and begins to itch her arms and legs

From there the poison works its way into the central nervous system causing severe muscle spasms, followed by the inevitable drooling.

Troi starts to spasm and then begins drooling.

At this point, the entire digestive system is rendered useless, causing the complete collapse of the lower bowels, accompanied by uncontrollable flatulence...

Troi begins farting

until finally the poor bastard is reduced to a quivering, wasted piece of jelly.

Troi is reduced to a quivering, wasted piece of jelly.

Data: As you can see, the nanites have become more active.

Dr. Stubbs: Maybe I could turn my Enid into a nanite. Old 'gal hasn't been active in years!

Data: As I was saying, they seem to no longer listen to our commands.

Dr. Stubbs: Now, that sounds like my Harrison. Is it too much to ask for to have a son who marries a pretty young lady instead of a life partner named Caleb who owns a boutique on Fire Island called "Everything Mesh."

Data: Doctor, if you don't mind, your outbursts are disrupting an important informational meeting.

Dr. Stubbs: Oh, I'm interrupting your meeting, am I Sport? Well, I'll leave you alone when you answer a simple question...What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? Paul Stubbs! How ya doin'?

Despite it's "highly evolved sensibilities and morales," the Federation's highest rated show in 2366 was Survivor. However, hundreds of years before, a new plot twist was added, instead of extinguishing your torch at tribal council, the loser now was phasered to death.

Scientist: Why won't my arms move?

Riker: You've been mostly-dead all day.

 

[Nerys Myk]

GEORDI: Someday I've got to figure out what happens next on a date.

 

[Ln X]

Geordi: It's the visor isn't it?

Data: This is for the greater good I assure you.

 

[Finn]

What most of us don't realize is that Riker also has a holoprogram where T'pol had a kid with him....

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Girl: "Not tonight Geordi. I have a headache."
Laforge: "Computer, reset date."
Girl: "Will you stop doing that?!"
Laforge: "Sorry, force of habit."

Picard: "Suck in your guts guys, we're Starfleet."

Worf: "Klingon palmistry has its basis in scientific fact. According to this, your lifeline is 37.24 millimetres. You will die on Stardate 56844.9, like a bitch on a Romulan warbird, after having all relevant data on the Enterprise and shuttle transporter systems and subsystems erased from your memory by a close proximity thalaron pulse generated EMP analogue."
Picard: "Poppycock!"

Guy on the left: "Ow... Ow... OWW! What are you standing around like a bunch of dorks for? Shoot back... Ow... Ow!!"

Riker singing "A-humping we will go, a-humping we will go, ee-aye-addio, a-humping we will go."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Henshaw (thinking): "Holodeck computer, can you hear my thoughts? Please remove sand from underwear! Hello? Computer?"

Stubbs: "Why...you have no life line at all!"
Picard: That settle it. He is a toaster."

Second Guy from Left: "Gee. That can't be good."

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER:Then let us be rid of it... once and for all! Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it for you... but I can carry you!

 

[IzzyAtWarp9]

Scientist: Why won't my arms move?

Riker: You've been mostly-dead all day.

OMG that's brilliant love that film

 

[IzzyAtWarp9]

l-) LaForge: So... You like men who know how to reinstall a plasma conduit?
Girl: (thinking) I can't believe I gave up a Bond film for this

Troi hadn't realised THAT was in her holiday photos

Data: It appears to be raining on my tiny planet

Guy on the right: Hey - Ard'rian's been vapourised!
Guy 2nd from left: Who's this guy?
Guy on the left: Trust me; I'm the Doctor

Riker: I don't care if your legs don't work, you could at least TRY to balance on the post!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

LaForge: "So...wanna play Spin the Bottle?"
Henshaw: "Computer! Remove all bottles from holodeck!"

Henshaw (thinking): "How could this possibly get any worse?"
LaForge: "You know...what happens on the holodeck stays on the holodeck."
Henshaw (thinking): "Oh, Christ! I just had to ask, didn't I!"

 

[Triskelion]

Next guy over: I picked a bad day to skip the pants.

 

[Triskelion]

Geordi: Coco no-no?
Christy Henshaw: <blows rape whistle>

Troi: Did I leave the space iron on?

Stubbs: Wow. He really was playing the world's smallest violin.

 

[Elim Garakov]

Laforge: Damn and this is on Beginner

 

[Finn]

Captain's Log. The force field around Counselor Troi is working. The reduced oxygen content will keep her from having enough energy to state the obvious.

 

[Vassa]

Geordi: Yeah, I can see all across the spectrum. X-Ray, Gamma, Infrared, you name it. Heck, I don't have to imagine what you look like nake...oops.

Troi:- I sense they are scared spit-less Captain.

Picard: Palmistry, Doctor? Really?
Worf: Ooh, me next!

Data's personal log: Another spontaneous flash of pleasure earlier today. I hope another away mission to remove colonists from their planet comes along soon.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

tftw!

GEORDI: You know if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd arrange it by frequency of occurrence. Which would put U and I significantly closer together.

PICARD: No Deanna, take a break, I've got this one. I'm sensing anger!

WORF: Captain, I do not think it is a good idea to give hostile super-intelligent nanites complete control over the one member of the crew capable of single-handedly taking over the entire ship.
PICARD: Shut up Worf.

Guy on left: FIRE!
Second to left: WATER!
Second to right: EARTH!
Right: HEART!

Here we see Riker's ancient ancestor on his first date.

 

[Cmdr.Druss]

Henshaw: "Geordi, where do you see this heading?"
LaForge: "Is that some kind of a joke."

It was bad enough for Troi being an empath when Picard thought about Dr Crusher, but did he have to pull the faces too!

Scientist: "I'm getting better"
Riker: "No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment"
Scientist: "I feel fine"
Riker: "You're not fooling anyone, you know"
Scientist: "I think I might go for a walk"