TNG Caption This! 319: Ready to Roll!

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, sorry I didn't get this one going before the end of the weekend! I'm at least staying close!

First up to the plate, we have the "Unreliable in Court" Award, going to:

Worf: Adjust your visor, stop calling Commander Quinteros captain, & remind me to never call you as an eyewitness in a criminal trial

Next, we have the "Bluff Called" Award, going to:

Data: "Note to self for future reference: 'If you don't like it, you can leave' is not a good command reprimand."

Next, we have the "Enhanced Vision" Award, going to:

La Forge: Geez Data, I've got a VISOR and you've got android-vision, there really is no need for the magnifying glass.

Next, we have the "Athletic Performance" Award, going to:

YAR: I thought Picard said he won the Academy Marathon?

TROI: He's probably just pacing himself.

YAR: By writhing on the ground in pain?

Next, we have the "Side Effects Include:" Award, going to:

CRUSHER (walking unsteadily): I should never have prescribed him that blue tablet.

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

Second officer's log, supplemental: inertial dampeners, then engage.

DATA: Captain's log. I have successfully improved ship's efficiency. My analysis has shown that all efficiency problems stem from human error, therefore I have eliminated all humans. With all ship's operations wired into my positronic matrix, I project now that efficiency of ship's operations will increase by 37%.

Worf: Dictating the captain's log again, huh?

Congratulations to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

Now, we're starting to see some Blu-Ray caps from Season 3, so lets get them into the contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Data: I was ordered to convince you to leave this planet, but I have determined that if you were dumb enough to elect this idiot to lead you, that it would be an inefficient use of my time to save you. See ya!

Picard: Does she know we're recording her dreams and using them to write our screenplay?

Nuria: Are all gods bald?

Riker: 3 days! 3 days since you last used your deodorant!

Picard: Oh, hello Mister Data. Nothing to see here.

Data: Captain, I must remind you that there are surveillance cameras in the turbolifts.

Picard: Whoops.

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: In the words of your people, sod off wanker.

PICARD: First, I'm a bloody Frenchman and second, you're doing it wrong.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

VILLAGERS: Okay, we'll come with you.
DATA: You must come with me, or else...wait, what?
VILLAGERS: We said we'll come with you.
DATA: You will? You mean we're telling you to leave the place you call home, and you're putting your survival and practical necessity before your emotional attachment to it?
VILLAGERS: Yes.
DATA: Seriously. You're messing with me right?

BEVERLY: I'm picking up...a tentacle monster.
PICARD: ...That explains why all her holodeck programs have Japanese names.

NURIA: So, if there were ever some geological distaster that was going to destroy us, you would use your technology to save us, right?
PICARD: That's complicated.

RIKER: Seriously? Wesley created super intelligent nanites that almost destroyed the ship and he doesn't even get head duty?

PICARD: You know I really should have just kept Kamala for myself. I know it's not the heroic thing to do, but at this point Starfleet freaking owes me. Am I right?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Data: "I am afraid you have all jumped to an erroneous assumption. I am not a mime. There will be no performance."

Crusher: "The somnetic inducer will keep her asleep through any disturbance. So, considering some of the randy bastards we have on board, I recommend posting a guard at her door."

Nuria: "So...wanna initiate me into the Thousand Miles High Club?"

Riker: "Trouble, Captain. Wesley Crusher flashed this hand gesture at one of the gang members on Turkana IV, and...well...we're in deep shit again."

 

[bullethead]

Data realized he was out of place five nanoseconds after beaming into the middle of a Ren Faire.

Crusher: I'm sorry sir, but there's nothing I can do.
Picard: Councilor Troi is going to die?
Crusher: No, she'll just point out the obvious for the rest of the show's run aside from a handful of insightful moments.

Aliens flipping out the moment they see their planet from space: the real reason for the Prime Directive.

Riker: I'm doing the German three, right?

Picard: Well viewer, are you glad you paid for the remastered Blu-Rays? I know I am.

 

[Mojochi]

Thanks for the pick

Data: It seems pretty important that he lives near where his grandfather is buried. Anybody got a shovel?

Captain's Log: Supplemental: It has become dreadfully clear that none of us will be able to make criticisms of the Doctor's new haircut

Nuria: If you'd wanted to show me you weren't a god, shouldn't you have showed me your planet?

Riker: Engage? Engaged to who? Dammit! I'm keeping my options open! Did SHE put you up to this?

Picard: Not this time #1. The away team to Risa is fully... manned

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Nuria: "But I can't see my house from here!"

 

[Third Nacelle]

DATA: It's just a jump to the left! And then a step to the right...

RIKER: 77, 78, SEVENTY NINE! The Menagerie was TWO episodes!

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Leadhead!

Data: The Sheliak are a classification R3 non-humanoid lifeform.
Crowd: ...
Data: As the voluminous 3rd century Neoplatonic scribe Amelius was once heard to exclaim...
Crowd: ...
Data: Greeks shit in the Vardar, and Macedonians drink it.
Crowd: ...
Data: No? Got to go through the whole thing, eh? Ok.
Crowd: ???
Data: Gosheven is soooo fat - he's standing right behind me, isn't he?
Crowd: Ohhhhh <Polite applause>
Data: So these are the Ensigns of Command!
Crowd: <Vociferous applause>
Data: Take my Worf - please!
Crowd: <Goes wild>

Picard: The Breast of Both Worlds.
Bev: No.
Picard: The Vengeance Facial.
Bev: No!
Picard: Encounter at Fur Point.
Bev: Bad Captain!
Picard:.................................ᴮᵒᵒᵇʸ ᵀʳᵃᵖ.
Bev: No, Jean Luc! Down is good! Up is no!

Nuria: Have your people mastered genital shaving? I've got a major hobo camp happening.

Riker: There are three lights! Geez, let it go!

Crusher: Proctology turbo-exam?
Picard: Make it so.

 

[Vassa]

Data: In fact, I could force all of you,... even with one hand tied behind my back.

Picard:DEANNA!! WAKE UP DEANNA!!
Crusher: Uh, yeah Jean-Luc we tried that.
Picard: Did you give her a shake?

Nuria: So we're pretty much a botched science experiment then?

Riker: Choose a finger! Any finger!

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Thanks for the win!

Data: I do not believe you can be classed as a 'mob' unless you have torches and pitchforks.
Angry Villager #1: They're coming.
Data: Damn.
Angry Villager Chorus: Kill the freak! Kill the freak!

Picard: So what's she like?
Crusher: Not good.
Picard: Really? I'm surprised at that.
Crusher: She was hit by a blast of psionic energy, what do you expect?
Picard: Oh...yes of course. That's what I was meaning--
Crusher: You were wanting what she looks like naked, weren't you?
Picard: [hangs head] Yes.

Captain's Personal Log, supplemental. I don't think I can take many more of these paternity suits against Commander Riker.

Riker: I'm taking over here, old man!
Picard: I'd like to see you try, Numbah One!
Troi: Watch out, Captain! He's got a...finger?

Picard: My name is Jean-Luc Picard, and these are my bitches!

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: She's so angelic when she's asleep.

PICARD: Yes, it almost makes me feel bad about how often I'd like to strangle her when she's awake.

 

[Finn]

Nuria: No wonder your head is so smooth and hairless. You keep doing all those facepalms, have you?

 

[shivkala]

Data: Second Officer's Log. Apparently, about 250 years and several thousand light years did not diminish Bieber-Fever. I'm afraid, we will have to quarantine yet another colony. In addition, it is not recommended to tell the inhabitants of Tau Cygna V that Kanye has more talent in his left pinkie than Justin Bieber has in his entire body.

Dr. Crusher: Jean Luc, now do you believe your speeches are deadly?

Picard: And, so the Doctor told us that he would be watching us, as we watch you, to make sure we did not interfere with the timeline.

Nuria: Who watches the watchers?

Picard: The Doctor.

Nuria: Who?

Picard: Yes.

Picard: Explain this to me again?

Riker: On this planet, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.

Picard: Captain's Personal Log, Supplemental. The crew believe I am lucky to be going on an away party with the Doctor and the Counselor. However, in my experience, it just means I'll be nagged the entire time, like women love to do. "Captain, you shouldn't just head off until I've done a medical scan." "Captain, I'm sensing danger, you shouldn't just go on ahead." Blah, blah, blah...

Dr. Crusher: You know we can hear you when you do your log entries, don't you?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

"Captain's Log: I'm off to yet another weekend on Risa with Dr. Crusher and Counselor Troi. Personal note: I'm getting really tired of being their beard."

 

[Finn]

Picard: FOUR! Damn it, Number One! There were four! Not three! Not five!...

 

[Triskelion]

Riker: Me, Stubbs, and Troi.
Picard: And the nanites left you all alone?
Riker: Yes sir. Apparently they like to watch.

 

[Holdfast]

TFTW!

Worst. Disco. Ever.

CRUSHER: There was nothing I could do; the perm finally gained sentience and killed her.
PICARD: Hair is a curse.

NURIA: You're not a God; you're that facepalming guy off the internet!

RIKER: Two in the pink, one in the...
PICARD (interrupting): I think we've all heard quite enough about your last trip to Risa , Number One!

PICARD (thinking): When the turbolift doors close, it's not going to be the only thing going down.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Nuria: Captain, thank you for transporting me to safety. I truly had no idea my mate killed Laura Palmer.