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TNG Caption This! 310: The Lightning Round!

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LeadHead

Director of Comedy
Premium Member
Hello everyone! Yeah, it's not saturday or Sunday, it's Tuesday and I'm very late. Sorry about that, between busy work and trips to the airport and long car rides, it's been a crazy time for yours truly. You've been quite patient, lets go!

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First up to the plate, we have the "Crucial Technology" Award, going to:

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Data: Note to self. Look up and install design schematics for 20th century technology known as a surge protector.

Next, we have the "Honest Advice" Award, going to:

TNGCaption133b.jpg

Picard: Oh, great, she's doing that "sensing pain" thing again. Look, I won't blame you if you just switch to another channel for awhile.

Next, we have the "Mood Sufficiently Ruined" Award, going to:

TNGCaption133c.jpg


Salia: So, what do you say, Wesley? You, me, my quarters, some soft music, me showing you the night of your life. Are you ready to get...

Guinan: Ice Cream! You can't leave, yet! You haven't had your ice cream! You know...to cool you down...

Wesley: Damn it, Guinan, your timing couldn't have been worse.

Guinan: I know...ah the things I do around here to entertain myself!

Next, we have the "Emergency Situation" Award, going to:

TNGCaption133d.jpg


Tex: "See this little filly to my right? That's my wife. See that little filly in red who just came in? That's my girlfriend. Now, you can have either one you want, son, but I'll give you fifty dollars to get one of 'em out of here!"

Next, we have the "Tough Competition" Award, going to:

TNGCaption133e.jpg


"Okay, Deanna rates you, Worf, a "7." You, Data, get an "8." I GET A "3" WITH "MOMMY ISSUES!""



Jean-Luc.jpg


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Science Officer's personal log. Pursuant to the Captain's orders, when linked to the Iconian database, I downloaded the entire scientific, cultural, and historical database for the Iconian Empire. That took 3.561766 milliseconds, operating at my maximum throughput rate. Realising that I had sufficient time before reporting to the Captain, I then took it on myself to download the Iconian pornographic database. That took 18 minutes to download. It also installed several viruses, malware and trojans, severely compromising my operating system. The Captain is under the impression that it was a deliberate Iconian attack. I have chosen not to correct his assumption.

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

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WES: And this is what I'll look like as an adult.

GUINAN: Don't believe him, honey. He'll look just the same, only with a cheesy beard to hide his weak chin.


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Guinan: Ah, young love. Cherish these moments before you find out what assholes you both are.

Congratulations to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated! And now, rather than have the last contest go two weeks or have this one go a week and a half, this one will be a Lightning Round!

4 Days!

3 Pictures!

GO!

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Enjoy!
 
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Worf: You're late, again. One more time and old baldy makes me First Officer.

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(Sorry to non Oakland A's Fans)

Picard: LETS GO OAKLAND!

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Worf: Seriously, Doctor: You're not fooling anyone with the bigger lab coats and hiding behind bio beds. We know you're pregnant.
 
Thanks for the win LeadHead!

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Crusher: He's still mad at you?
Riker: I never thought he'd take the whoopie cushion in his chair at poker night so personally.
Crusher: Apparently flatulence is without honor in the Klingon Empire.

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Picard: Here's to the finest captain in Starfleet!!!
Crewmen: .....
Picard: ...what?

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Crusher: Welcome Mr. Worf! Five strips of latinum if you want a happy ending!
 
Woo Hoo! Thanks for the KBLA LeadHead! Q'Pla!

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Riker: Crap! he saw me.

Crusher:
Why not just pay him the five dollars you bet him he could not beat you leg wrestling, Will?

Riker:
He sharted! The entire time!


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If you gentlemen are done with Ensign Timmy I have a Captain's log that's not going to enter itself.


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Worf: I might have known. They put the "Security" water fountain all the way down here.

Crusher:
Oooh, let's play Jenga!
 
TFTW, Leadhead!

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Worf: Commander, hold on, I need to get to engineering. Hold the door!

Riker: Sure thing.

Crusher: Hey, Will, let's hold it until he's right here, then we'll close it.

Riker: I like how you think, Doctor.

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Picard: You know what we need? A good drinking song! Here's a classic: I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down, I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down...

Crusher: Pissing the night away, pissing the night away

Picard: He drinks a Whiskey drink, he drinks a Vodka drink, He drinks a Lager drink, he drinks a Cider drink, He sings the songs that remind him of the good times, He sings the songs that remind him of the better times

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Crusher: That thing? Okay, I admit it, I have a Space-Bay problem. I just love winning useless junk in internet auctions!
 
TFTW, LeadHead!

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Crusher: "Yes, it's a tribble incubator. I know you Klingons don't like tribbles, but guess what? You're not the boss of me!"
 
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CRUSHER: Yep, Worf knows you and Deanna hooked up last night.

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Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!

After waking up naked and in a pool of his own vomit for the second time, Picard decided that fraternizing with the crew was a bad idea.
 
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CRUSHER: The Triskelion ambassador just bet me 100 quatoos, that you'd show up asking about his gambling debts.
 
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Crusher: Another customer come to see my foreskin collection.

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Worf:<Shakes head>
Riker: Data's still on the bridge. Let's go have another martini.

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Janeway: Pardon me, do you happen to have any Grey Poupon?
 
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Riker: One bridge, right Worf?

Worf: You're never going to let me forget that are you?

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Picard: ...at this point you may consume your weak lemon drink.

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Crusher: All i did was remove the Captain's brain and put it in this giant dildo. Is that a crime?

Worf: Did you get his consent first?

Crusher: Err.... Yes.

Worf: OK, case closed.
 
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Riker: Worf! The captain said abandon ship!

Worf: Pussies

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Captain's Log: The unsuccessful random auditioning of members for my barbershop quartet continues

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Crusher: Betazoid STDs are not to be taken lightly, now get over here, disrobe & bend over
 
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Worf: In or out, I'm not paying to air condition the galaxy.


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Picard: To Commander Riker, whom the Klingon Captain Kargan described in his official report, saying, "By the time he had come aboard, he had already lost his gagh reflex."


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Sorry, Worf. I don't do "Ridge enhancement."
 
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