TNG Caption This! 309: The Return of Blu-Ray

[LeadHead]

First up to the plate, we have "The mail nobody wants to get" Award, going to:

Worf: "Jury duty?"

Next, we have the "LeadHead will never live that down" Award, going to:

The photo from his meeting with Patrick Stewart Leadhead didn't want you to see.

Next, we have "The Price of Proper Exploration" Award, going to:

PICARD: Ah. Nothing like sunset. Totally worth bringing the ship into the planet's atmosphere, disrupting its ecosystem and contaminating the local population.

Next, we have the "Do you want to break it to him or will I?" Award, going to:

Worf: I swear this is the last assignment I take where there is any chance of being around Ferengis...

Next, we have the "I wish I was old enough to have seen Carson do the Tonight Show" Award, going to:

Troi: A nail, a board, and a redshirt.

(opens envelope)

Troi: Name something that's hammered, something that's sawed, and something that's screwed.

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

Picard: "Uh-oh..."

Riker: "He stabs at who from where?"

A Multi Picture Award, goes to:

Try as she might, Troi could never remember to hit "reply" instead of "reply all."

Worf: "Damn, she hit 'reply all' again."

"Captain's Personal Log. It's been two weeks since Data's cat, Spot vanished into a Jeffries tube. System outages require that the cat be recovered immediately. A captain needs to set an example for his crew, and I will take on those tasks that lesser captains would delegate. 72 hours into the search, this is the third time that Spot has peed on me. I am considering surrendering the ship to the cat..."

RIKER: OK, got them all written down? Good. Run along now and get everyone's drinks.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners!

In accordance with the "LeadHead must not overdo things too often" Act, we won't have as many awards as we had in last weeks contest again, at least not very often. I liked the thumbs up and Lego Borg Cube awards, so they may make a repeat appearance at some point in the future.

Moving forward, as we had the journey through the TNG seasons, more of the Season 2 blu-ray screencaps have been posted at TrekCore, so lets enjoy some blu-ray time.

Enjoy!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Data was not exaggerating when he said that he did, in fact, have Blue Balls.

 

[LeadHead]

Data: My mind to your mind...

Stewart: Dang it! She's asleep again! Do I always have to do these long speeches?

Guinan: Here's the ice cream you ordered. We have some great specials this evening... neither of you are hearing a word I'm saying are you?

Tex: So tell me about that Card Counting subroutine...

Riker: "Dear Diary, I really hope Will gets promoted and off this ship soon, I just can't stand that beard..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: And then there's the boy. I feel guilty about getting his father killed, but he's such know it all pain in the ass....


TROI: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

GUINAN: Bore another to death with your exciting nanites stories, Wes?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Iconian Computer: Alien computer system detected. Initiating "How you doin'?" subroutine.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: If you would stop yammering about brains, I might be able to fix this thing.

 

[Triskelion]

Data: No, I would not like to sign up for your planetary newsletter. Damn pop-ups.

Picard: It's not that I mind being bald, mind you - I just dislike when the crew tries to pretend the glare isn't blinding them. It's so condescending - oh bloody hell!

Troi: One moon circles! Now!

Guinan: I'm sure this ice cream won't give you both volcanic diarrhea.

Tex: What do you say we find a couple of low mileage pit woofies and help 'em build a memory?

Data: I am so blogging this.

Riker: The Kama Sutra?

Data: No sir. it is the lesser known Vulcan meditation manual known as the Katra Surak.

Worf: I would not kick that lesbian out of my concrete bed.

 

[Finn]

Wheaton: *thinking* No kiss. I hope I'll get someone hotter for my first kiss

 

[shivkala]

Data: Sir, I have accessed this Iconian data center and, might I say, what I have found is...shocking.

Picard: Captain's Personal Log, supplemental. Dr. Pulaski has found a cure for the crew's insomnia. Personally, I take some warm milk, curl up with a good book, and before I know it, I'm fast asleep. I guess it's always come easy for me, even as a little boy. Robert would snore quite dreadfully, leaving me two choices: find a way to fall asleep quickly, or stay awake all night. Well, I wasn't about to let Robert get the best of me, I can assure you of that. Anyway, I should wrap this up, for some reason Dr. Pulaski has sent Counselor Troi to my ready room to hear me record my log entry. She said it had something to do with the insomnia problem, but, frankly, I just kept daydreaming about Beverly. I wonder what it'd take to get her to come back. Of course, if Wesley were my son, and that wasn't just a joke Riker tries to spread every once in a while, which, just irritates me, but every time I let on how much it annoys me, he just seems to get more pleasure out of it. Anyway, as I was saying, I should get back to the Counselor, who...MERDE! Another crew member Dr. Pulaski sent to me has fallen fast asleep!

Salia: So, what do you say, Wesley? You, me, my quarters, some soft music, me showing you the night of your life. Are you ready to get...

Guinan: Ice Cream! You can't leave, yet! You haven't had your ice cream! You know...to cool you down...

Wesley: Damn it, Guinan, your timing couldn't have been worse.

Guinan: I know...ah the things I do around here to entertain myself!

Texas: On second thought, let me have that hat back, you're looking a little Brokeback Mountain, if you know what I mean...

Data: Accessing...ah, a 2005 movie based on the 1997 short story of the same name by Annie Proulx about the complex romantic and sexual relationship between two men in the American West from 1963 to 1983.

Riker: So they created this place from this book, Hotel Royale? That's just ridiculous.

Data: It could have been worse, Commander, they could have chosen Brokeback Mountain...

Riker: So, they created this place based on a book. How unoriginal can you get?

Worf: Yes, a trio of Starfleet Officers beam down to a planet influenced by a novel set on 20th Century Earth. America, to be exact. It is very unoriginal, Commander.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the log entry win.

Science Officer's personal log. Pursuant to the Captain's orders, when linked to the Iconian database, I downloaded the entire scientific, cultural, and historical database for the Iconian Empire. That took 3.561766 milliseconds, operating at my maximum throughput rate. Realising that I had sufficient time before reporting to the Captain, I then took it on myself to download the Iconian pornographic database. That took 18 minutes to download. It also installed several viruses, malware and trojans, severely compromising my operating system. The Captain is under the impression that it was a deliberate Iconian attack. I have chosen not to correct his assumption.

Captain's personal log. Counsellor Troi fell asleep yet again while I was sharing my innermost feelings about my childhood, and failing to live up to my father's expectations. Just why is it that I keep this poor excuse for an officer on this ship? Her counselling skills are minimal. Her Betazoid empathy boils down to stating the obvious. When it comes to piloting, she crashes more often than a ZX81. And her mother insists on visting... Oh yeah. The catsuits."

Guinan: "Wesley here is really smart, popular, has a great sense of humour. And speaking from personal experience. He's hung like a horse, and is great in bed..." to Wesley "There you go kid, don't say I don't do you any favours."

Data: "When that gentleman comes out of his coma. I would be grateful if you would apologise on my behalf."
Cowboy: "For future reference son, in Blackjack, when someone says hit me, he doesn't mean that literally."

Riker: "The Royale?"
Data: "It appears that this entire fabrication in which we are trapped is based on this novel."
Riker: "My God! What a nightmare."
Worf: "Could have been worse, could have been Fifty Shades of Gray."

...
...

Worf: "What! It was K'Eylehr's favourite bedtime book."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Data: "Yeesh! Forget it! This is much too painful just to get a look at a tiny, twenty year old Anne Francis in a mini-dress!"

Guinan: "Aw, your first date! How cute! Incidentally, just a few little rules per Anya and Dr. Crusher: No alcoholic beverages, both hands on top of the table at all times, and no footsies!"

Tex: "See this little filly to my right? That's my wife. See that little filly in red who just came in? That's my girlfriend. Now, you can have either one you want, son, but I'll give you fifty dollars to get one of 'em out of here!"

Riker: "'Gideon'? Isn't that that planet where Captain Kirk had such a rough time?"

 

[inflatabledalek]

Thanks FTW Leadhead.

Captain's Log Stardate 42365: I hope Mr. Data will like my "Shocking" practical joke.

Picard: Counselor... There's a camera in here!

Wesley: All I'm saying is I was a virgin so the whole genital warts thing can't be my fault.

Data: I do not think much of the new uniform hat.

Riker: Your little black book Worf? How sweet. Mine's more of a directory.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Guinan: "I thought a little chocolate pudding might help make your first date together a real success."
Selia: "Oh, that should taste wonderful!"
Guinan: "It's not for eating, dear."

 

[Triskelion]

Guinan: I'm not saying you shit in the pantry, dear. I'm just saying there are no black bears aboard.

 

[Triskelion]

Orb: HM, NOT ALL SPECIES KEEP THEIR GENITALS IN THE SAME PLACE....

 

[Finn]

Chief Medical Officer's Log. A tramp is trying to take away my boy. I'll make sure she disappears without a trace. Ill just tell Geordi to ask her out.

 

[jep]

"Here we go, raw oysters for the gentleman, and for the lady, our special: Rohypnol Surprise."


.

 

[jep]

Riker (Off screen): "Oh great, that's just what we needed... it activated his street pimp subroutines."

Positronic Pimp: "Where Beverly at, white bread? Dat ho owes me money!"


.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WES: And this is what I'll look like as an adult.

GUINAN: Don't believe him, honey. He'll look just the same, only with a cheesy beard to hide his weak chin.

 

[Isis]

LeadHead, TFTW.

Picard: "OK, this is new to me, but I'll be a sport. Is it bigger than a breadbox?"

Data: "I apologize--I am very surprised at the poor quality of this room. A television spokesman by the name of 'the Priceline Negotiator' left me with the impression that despite the low price of my choosing, we would get high-quality accommodations."