TNG Caption This! 294: Say hello to Season 2!

[Isis]

Picard: "This is our biggest and most urgent crisis ever. I need you to focus, make an instantaneous analysis, and propose a strategy worthy of Fleet Captain Garth. Will?"

Riker: "I think we should immediately blast that ship to Kingdom Come."

Picard: "Counselor?"

Troi: "I sense Commander Riker is not focusing sufficiently. He needs to rethink things."

Picard: "Will?"

Riker: "Actually, we should immediately beam their commanding officer to our bridge and sign a treaty."

<At dinner that night>

Picard: "You two truly outdid yourselves with that treaty. Will, I totally follow your logic, but Deanna, how did you know Will needed to increase his focus?"

Troi (to self): "Do I dare tell Jean-Luc that Will had his hand all over my bum?"

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Sensors. Report.
Wesley: Um, it's a Miranda class Federation ship? They used to be in heavy deployment for the better part of a century in Starfleet?
Picard: Yes, well...yellow alert.
Worf: We should attack!
Troi: I'm sensing some confusion.
Riker: I'll straighten you out, Counselor Toi, I mean Troi.
Wesley: Four Miranda class configurations were employed by Starfleet. Some included a superstructure that utlized a dorsal extension of the ventral nacelle pylons. Other classes such as this one were refit sans superstructure but feature two pods affixed in port and starboard antipode on the primary hull, thus, and thus.
Data: Enough!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Picard warns Riker for the last time, stop using the warp nacelles for 'Mood lighting' in your quarters.

Worf, I swear I'm not jealous of your relationship with Troi. I'm just saying, as a friend, that relationship is really terrible.

Wesley, you're a teenager. Stop pretending you're not interested in sex.

So, are we going to beam over and probably almost all die or just admit it's an obvious trap for once?

Grandpa, it's time to take your pills.

 

[jespah]

Will - See, Deanna? We could get you one of those.

 

[JonnyBoy]

From the lost "Valentine's Day" episode, when the Enterprise encounters a space-borne love potion, and the crew gets FUNKAYYYYY!!

 

[JonnyBoy]

I didn't see a blinker for that lane-change, did you?...


OR...

Riker: That ship looks familiar...
Picard: no, no, Numbah One, no rollbah... clearly a completely different vessel.
Troi: I won't drive anything without a spoiler on the back...

Pulaski: My Tricorder says "ZOMBIE"...

Riker: Uh, Mr. Worf... this isn't a mating ritual, right?

Wesley: And then, the Enterprise rises out of Titan's atmosphere right over there and-...
Salia: Next.

 

[jespah]

On the next episode of Rock Paper Scissors Bat'leth Pipe.

or

Next up on Extreme Makeover: Slash Edition.

 

[Captain Crow]

Picard: Oh, goody! A jackass weaving between lanes 'cause he's too busy yackin on his damn cell phone.

Worf: Tastes great.

Riker: Less filling.

Worf: Tastes great!

Riker: Less filling!

Worf: TASTES GREAT!

Riker: LESS FILLING!

Engineer with southern accent: She burnin' oil.

[beeping sound]

Riker: That asshat is gonna back right into us.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Picard to Away Team, what's going on down there???

RIKER: Just laying some pipe.

WORF: Just swinging my sword.

PICARD: Wait...what?

 

[LeadHead]

Sorry for the delay folks! Busy weekend! I'll try and get things up and running tomorrow night.

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Attention Federation vessel! I want my two dollars!

<Com> Picard to Riker. The war relief mission is cancelled. We're being diverted to Liberace IV. I expect you and Worf to practice doing what it takes to survive there, instead. That is all.

Enterprise: Try Obsession?
Passing Romulan Warbird: Ugh, no thanks.

Mister Crusher, ready tractor beam.
<Wesley taps buttons>

Run a sensor analysis.
<Wesley taps buttons>

Determine the ship's heading.
<Wesley taps buttons>

Open hailing frequencies.
<Wesley taps buttons>

Magnify.
<Wesley taps buttons>

Smell your seat.
Sir?

I said sensor sweep.
<Wesley taps buttons>

Where does the holodeck get all of its matter?
It just reconstitutes the biological samples we leave here.
I notice your program has its own solar system.

 

[Isis]

Girl: "When you said you'd take me to look at rings, this wasn't what I had in mind."

 

[jespah]

Where does the holodeck get all of its matter?
It just reconstitutes the biological samples we leave here.
I notice your program has its own solar system.

... and Uranus is rather prominent.

 

[Captain Crow]

Riker: I've got a post delivery for your face!

Worf: And I've got a letter opener to open your punk ass with!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker: "What? "I'm a 'bow-legged, bimbo-chasing assclown'? Jeez, Worf, doesn't raktajino come in decaf?"

 

[LeadHead]

New Contest, finally!