TNG Caption This! 295: LeadHead's Tardy Start

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! So sorry about the long wait this time, December remains very crazy for me.




First up to the plate, we have the "Starship Psychology" Award, going to:

Rudolph the Red Nosed Vulcan wrote:

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How to get a starship to blush. Tell her she has cute nacelles.

Next, we have the "Ineffective Attack" Award, going to:

Holdfast wrote:

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RIKER: An old rusty pipe versus a razor-sharp blade? What am I supposed to do, kill you with tetanus?

Next, we have the "PICARRRRRRRRRRD!!!!!" Award, going to:

shivkala wrote:

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Picard pulled the old "Ceti Alpha V" trick on Wesley in order to ruin his holodeck date.

Next, we have the "Thinking Ahead" Award, going to:

JirinPanthosa wrote:

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So, are we going to beam over and probably almost all die or just admit it's an obvious trap for once?

Next, we have the "In Depth Analysis" Award, going to:

JonnyBoy wrote:

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Pulaski: My Tricorder says "ZOMBIE"...

Tag-Team Award, goes to:

Merry Christmas wrote:

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Riker: "Here's a little trick I learned from reading about Captain Kirk."

Riker turns the pipe towards Worf, and fires a diamond the size of his fist into Worf's chest, using homemade gun powder.

Riker: "Never bring a Bat'leth to a gun fight moron."

The Photoshop Award goes to:

B.J. wrote:

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Riker: You can tell it's an old ship. They've had their blinker on for the last five light years!

Jonas Grumby wrote:

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Salia: "So, Wes, do you go on these 'holodeck dates' often?"
Wesley: "Oh, yeah, all the time! This is the first time I ever brought anyone with me, though."
Salia: "Um...ew!"

Thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners!

Sorry again for the big delay. Given how late the start is, I'll see how the response rate is on this one before I decide when I'll start the next one.

And now, blu-ray images from "The Child!"

[LeadHead]

Now, if this is how many people are usually in the shuttlebay, how is it that anybody can steal a shuttle?!




Riker: LeadHead finally started the next contest.

Data: He's going by Mozzie, Sir.



Worf: Sorry.

Pulaski: Cleanup, aisle 3.



Picard: Deanna, I brought Doctor Pulaski to your dinner party! This will be fun!



Wesley: Captain-

Picard: Please by silent, it's harder to pretend you're not here when you speak.

[Mojochi]

Science Officer: You know how much science I've worked on since I've been assigned to this transporter room? Uh, bloody none, goddammit!



Picard: And allow me to introduce you to Deanna Troi. I'm sure you'll get on marvelously. I suppose she's kind of like a doctor



Picard saved random statistical analyses to pull up on occasions where someone duller than a statistical analysis was in the room

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD (half heartedly ) Wait. Beverly. Don't. Go.



SPINER: If I knew we'd be in HD, I would have trimmed my nosehairs.



WORF: We wish to "speak" with Leadhead about the nature of these contests.

MOZZIE: Never heard of him



PICARD: I hate it when she leaves, but love to watch her go.

PULASKI: It is too early to request a transfer?



WES: You needed to see me, sir?

PICARD: Ah yes, how do I get out of "screen saver"?

[JonnyBoy]

Yay, won an award in my first contest! Thanks LeadHead!



Shuttlecraft: Does this starship make my aft look big?

OR

Crewman 1 (giggling): Does the counselor know she doesn't need to back it in?

Crewman 2 (giggling): We'll tell her after she crashes it, tehehe!



Data (quietly): Sir, the Captain just walked out of the head. Do you see that piece of tissue on his shoe?

Riker (urgently): No, and neither do you, Mr. Data. Just keep staring at the screen and pretend everything is ok.

Data: Understood, sir.



Crewman 1: Dammit, Mr. Worf always has to be the first one on scene.

Crewman 2: How is that even possible when he has to run all the way down from the bridge? Next week I'm going to have Ensign Smith setup a false alarm in the aft torpedo launcher. Let's see him try to beat us to THAT!



Diana Muldaur (to Patrick Stewart): Marina just walked into our shot...

Patrick Stewart: Yes, I see that!

Marina Sirtis: Is this my mark?



Picard: Mr. Crusher, I thought I told you not to download apps without my permission.

Wesley: But sir, I only wanted to try out the new Angry Birds: Klingons! It has a new hairy bird with a bat'leth!

[T'Girl]

Girl: "zzzzzzzzzzzz."

[inflatabledalek]

Picard: We changed our minds! Take her back!




Riker: Damn, Deanna has gone and put in a demand for child support against me!

Data: The odds of the CSA believing the father is really a space fairy are minimal Sir.



Worf: Arrest the intruder!

Riker: It's me Worf, I just grew a beard.

Worf: Set phasers on kill!



Picard: Deanna, we've got a message from the female crewmembers on the news that you're not going to show any signs of having been pregnant. And the message is: Bitch.



Wesley: Captain, whilst packing up my mother's stuff I found a package with your name on it...

Picard: Did you open it?!

Wesley: No.

Picard: Good.

[BeatleJWOL]

Picard: Shut up, Wesley.

[Triskelion]

Science Officer: Ever get that - 'not so airtight' feeling?




What is it, Data?
It is..."The Waterboy," sir.
<foosball is the debil!>
Captain still on the away mission?
Yes sir.
Main Viewer.



Worf: That's it, Mrs O'Brien, you're coming with us. Your little dogfighting ring is over.

Keiko: What? Worf, these are children. Human children. In school.

Worf: Tell it to the judge. Tasers, gentlemen.




Picard: Commander Riker, you're supposed to be on the bridge.
Pulaski: Captain, it's clearly Counselor Troi.
Picard: Oh, yes. That answers a few questions.



Sir, about my date for the prom -
It's held on the holodeck for a reason, Wesley.

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the win, Lead "Mozzie" Head!



Blue-shirt: "Are you sure this is Blu-ray? Looks awfully like an upscale to me. Look at the softness, the lack of clarity."
Yellowshirt: "HTV-Illuminate instead of CBS Digital. They outsourced it."
Blue-shirt: "Aw crap. See if you can't get a refund."




Riker: "How's that refund coming?"
Data: "They refuse to honour it. They state that the film stock changed for season 2, resulting in a little more grain in the final image."
Riker: "A little more grain? I feel like I'm in a swamp full of mosquitoes. Hit them again. If that doesn't work, send out a feeler on the BBS. Let's see if we can't get a class action going."



Worf: "What in the name of Kahless!"
Data: "The last chief of security wished to know how fully functional I was..."
Worf: "Put your pants back on."
Data: "But..."
Worf: "Put your pants back on... sir!"



Picard: "Tell me Deanna, is this the outline of slimming bodyshaper pants I see under Dr Pulaski's tunic?"
Deanna: "I sense the greater discomfort of a girdle, Captain."
Pulsaski: "Damnable Blu-ray! We're getting a refund, and that's final!"



Picard: "Tell me Wesley, what kind of planet would you rather be marooned on? Desert, icy tundra, swamp, jungle, lava...?"
Wesley: "Sir?"
Picard: "Just making idle chitchat, boy. Just chitchat."

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Mojochi wrote:

---

Science Officer: You know how much science I've worked on since I've been assigned to this transporter room? Uh, bloody none, goddammit!

Security officer: "That's because you're in the shuttlebay, Einstein!"

[Mutai Sho-Rin]

Stuck - for your capping pleasure.

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!



Data: "The movie is called 'The Wicked Lady,' sir. The resemblance is quite remarkable!"
Riker: "Print me out a hardcopy of that scene right there."




Picard: "...Dr. Pulaski, on the other hand, prefers to treat mental disorders pharmacologically. She feels that your brand of counseling is just so much 'hooey,' and that counselors are little more than 'glorified witchdoctors.' I thought a spirited discussion between the two of you might be fun!"




Picard: "Wesley, I am very disturbed by this. I know it is normal for a young man your age to be keenly interested in sex, but...all these erotic images of your mother... Oh, wait! These are my files."

[Holdfast]

TFTW!



BLUESHIRT at console (thinking): Nice rack.
YELLOWSHIRT at console (thinking): If he looks one more time, I'm throwing him out after the shuttle.





RIKER: But the screen's blank! What does this mean?
DATA: I believe it's called Captioner's Block, Commander.





WORF: Uh, we'll come back later Captain. After you've, er, tidied yourself away.





PICARD (thinking): Dat ass!
PULASKI (thinking): Maybe if I clench real hard, I can still look like that.





WESLEY (blushing): You read my private Spacebook messages to Ensign Gomez?

[jespah]

Picard - Wesley, what's the meaning of sending me a file marked porn when it's really just a bunch of schematics?
Wesley - It's the only way I can get anyone to read my messages, sir.