TNG Caption This! 287: More Blu-Ray!

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Let's get this party started!

First the "Intoxicated" Award, chosen by Mr. Laser Beam, going to:

Picard: "I must say, Beverly, you're stirring up quite a storm in me!"
Crusher: "Maybe I should drop to my knees and batten down your hatches!"
Picard: "Hmm...maybe we should wait until we sober up a bit."
Crusher: "Whatever you say, skipper!"

Next, we have the "“If the planet has three suns, maybe you should spend your whole vacation in the casino” Award, chosen by Isis AKA Ann Dorian, going to:

EDO: The worst thing about these clothes? The tan lines.

Next, we have the "This Economy Stinks!" Award, going to:

Dix: "Mr. Jones? You don't know me, but I'm Dixon Hill, private investigator. Now, traditionally, we private eyes only work for clients who have explicitly hired us. But in these tough economic times, we've had to start scaring up business on our own. To that purpose, I took it upon myself to take some snapshots of your wife screwing your best friend. Interested?"

EDIT: Judging Complete! The "Crossover" Award, as chosen by Zombie Cheerleader AKA Nerys Myk, goes to:

William T. Riker- Men, women, aliens, androgynous beings, potted plants... if it has an orifice he can get into, he's all over it.

Captain Jack Harkness suddenly appears thanks in part to his Vortex Manipulator
Captain Jack: I must have been a very, very good boy this year! Hello, I'm Captain Jack Harkness and you fine men are?

Next, the last image I had intended to find a Guest judge for, however, I didn't get the chance to do that, so I gave the Guest Judges a little extra on this one. They submitted their choices and since there was no clear consensus, I'll pick the winner from their nominees.

Since we're doing things a little differently, how bout we show the nominees, since they're all winners!

PICARD: Good lord people, it was just a slight bump. Overreact much?

In the 24th Century, humanity had conquered hunger and could go to the galaxy's edge...

...But nobody had thought to install seat belts on starships.

Data: "Hold on! Our damaged auto pilot thinks we just hit Albuquerque, and she's turning left!"

Picard: Report!
Data: Captain, we are suffering playback instability due to the picture not being cropped properly!

And the winner is...

(Drumroll)

Wait, wait, wait where did the drums come from?

LeadHead is knocked out by the drummer who picks up the envelope and reads the winner:

In the 24th Century, humanity had conquered hunger and could go to the galaxy's edge...

...But nobody had thought to install seat belts on starships.

Our Photoshop award, goes to:

Kolvoord Starburst, Cap'n.

And of course, don't we all need a Klingon Belly Laugh?

Riker: "How do you guys... I mean, this is a planet full of the liberally dressed, flesh on show... so how do the planet's males..."
Worf: "... avoid 'tenting'?"
Man: "Not a problem, all the men on the planet are impotent. We haven't been able to satisfy our women in generations. If it weren't for IVF..."
Riker: "I thought it would be impossible for me to like this planet more..."
Yar: "Commander?"
Riker: "I was wrong."

Many thanks to all of our Guest Judges, for a great change in the routine. We have now done this twice and very successfully. I dare say, we may have guest judges again someday...

And now, more blu-ray TNG Captioning!!!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: I don't always submit to Caption Contests, but when I do, I go to the TrekBBS.

Yar: Wait! I'm not supposed to die yet!!

Picard: Number One, were you expecting a package from that freighter?

Riker: Yes, Sir. Why?

Picard: Awkward, you see, the Photon Torpedoes are very easy to launch.

Riker: So how did I do?

Musician: zzzzzzz....

La Forge: (thinking) Maybe the blind guy shouldn't be flying the enormous starship...

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Merde..."
Riker: "See? It's not as easy as it looks, is it!"
Yar: "You tell him, sir!"

Riker: "I am gonna turn that babe every which way but loose!"
Bassist: "Yeah. It takes a real stud to score on a holodeck. Yawn."

 

[Holdfast]

PICARD (thinking): If I concentrate really hard, maybe I can use the Force to crush his head like an egg.

In a very special crossover episode, Wesley's rainbow outfit neatly foreshadows the arrival of mysterious furry aliens and their fearsome new photonic weapon, the Care Bear Stare.

PICARD: This new panel redesign... just two buttons? Red for torpedoes and yellow for phasers?
RIKER: We had to keep it simple; Worf's going to be the new Security Chief.

Riker wasn't as interesting as he thought.

GEORDI (thinking): Oh man, the acid's really got me tripping now.

 

[R. Star]

Picard: I'm ordering you to "take care" of her when she beams on board, Mr Data.
Data: As you wish captain. I will demonstrate how fully functional I am to Lwaxana.
Picard: ..... actually that might work too.

LaForge: Hey there are flowers next to Commander Riker's chair. I wonder who left them there?
Data: It is a most intruging mystery. Perhaps Commander Riker has a secret admirer.
Yar: -screams- A little help here?!

Picard: Damn it all! I will prevail no matter how long it takes!
Troi: What's the matter?
Yar: The captain's playing Angry Birds again.

Riker's Trombone: Yeah, it's a metaphor for something.

LaForge: My head hurts. Worf can you do something?
Worf: My job is to stand back here until someone dies. Then take their spot. You are not dead yet.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

"FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP..."
Yar: "Argh! Goddamn cheap discount window shades!"

 

[bullethead]

Picard: Now Mr. Data, when I say "Make it so," beam Wesley and Kolrami aboard the Hathaway, cut the tractor beam, and go to maximum warp for 12 hours.
Data: Sir, would that not leave them stranded in interstellar space, with no hope of rescue.
Picard: That's the idea.

No one knew what to make of Wesley's phaser contact lenses, but Picard knew it was one more reason to get him off the ship.

Picard was astounded when he learned the crew's syndicated TV show, Keeping Up With Wesley, was consistently in the top ten of the Federation Broadcast Network's ratings.

The 24th Century: where musicians are jaded all the time, especially the holograms.

Everyone was startled when the remastered Blu-Ray revealed the crooked back on the captain's chair.

 

[shivkala]

Picard: Damn it, Data, you've gone blurry again!

No one quite knew how to react to the R. Kelly race...

Picard: It seems to be some kind of anagram..."Carsick Aid Dip"

Riker: Yeah, that's right, they don't call me "Roofie Riker" for nothing...

Riker: All of this command red is making it harder for everyone to see me. That's it, LaForge, Worf, you're both changing departments.
LaForge: To what?
Riker: I don't know, Geordi, why don't you take security and Worf, you take engineering.
LaForge: That doesn't make any sense, with my VISOR I'd be better suited for engineering and Worf, being Klingon, well, wouldn't he be better for security.
Riker: You know what, I don't care, but next time I see you two, I want you in gold!

 

[BeatleJWOL]

Trombonist: I swear, if he makes one more "that's what she said!" joke...

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Sleeeeep. Daaata.

Data: You are using the Captain's reflective field as a slingshot. Excellent!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the belly laugh mention!

Data: mumbling "Get the Blu-ray, Data. It will have higher definition, Data. It will have better clarity, Data. Better clarity, my shiny polymer ass!"

Data: "The Bangles-anians are firing their boob beam at us."
LaForge: "Apparently it makes you walk like an Egyptian."

Riker: "All you have to do is push the button..."
Picard: "And it will shoot Wesley out of a photon tube. You guys! How did you know it was my birthday?"
Worf to Troi sotto voce: "It's his birthday?"
Troi: "Let's go with that."

Musician: "With a shit-eating grin as pug ugly as that, you really ought to grow a beard."

Riker: "He keeps taking his visor off and putting it on again. Who does he think he is, Horatio Caine?"

Worf: "Ever... mated with a Klingon?"
Troi: "Will you give it a rest!"

 

[R. Star]

Hey I got a partial win after all, thanks!

Worf: Maybe she'll die and I'll get to take her job. Until then I stand here.

Worf: Still standing here. Hoping someone will die and I can take their job.

Worf: Ugh, I hate standing in the back with nothing to do. Doesn't the Federation have Affirmative Action?

 

[Leviathan]

Employee review time! You need to focus Mr Data.

Ah, from the Worst. Fanfic. Ever.

The dis-tractor beam had succeeded. The Cornucopia had invaded the bridge unnoticed. "at last..." it thought... "revenge!".

 

[huskers57]

Picard's focus when making shadow puppets of iguanas is unmatched throughout the Federation.

Picard: "Tasha!! Now is not the time to perform your karaoke version of Madonna's 'Ray of Light'!"

It's about this long and this big around...

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Picard: Data, are you seriously telling me...

Data: I am afraid so, sir. The replicators are all out of Earl Grey.

Picard: Merde.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: My God, that pale coloring and jaundiced eyes! He's dead!!!

PICARD: It's best not to piss off Lt Tinkerbell. Bit of a hair trigger temper.

PICARD: I see you have the high score on Angry Birds, Yar.

RIKER: Otis, my man!!!!

GEORDI: Oh yeah, the ladies will love this look.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Picard: Why on Earth did Ambassador Sarek tell me to sod off before cutting off communications?

Data: It is your Vulcan salute Sir, it needs work.

Data: Yar having something big and yellow enter her reminds me of... well, perhaps best not to mention that.

Picard: Hey... this isn't real wood! We paid for real wood right?

Riker: Whats up my nig...


Musician: Don't even go there. You're not even close to being able to use that word in a honorary black sense.

Geordi: What the hell is this thing on my face? How long has it been there? Why didn't anyone say anything?

 

[Leviathan]

Geordi: I guess you could say that helm maneuver caught the Romulans...

blindsided.

YEEEAAAHHHHH

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^

 

[R. Star]

LaForge: Yo, check out these rims!