TNG Caption This! 285: Power to the Players

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! TNG just had it's 25th Birthday yesterday! Why not Caption to celebrate?

First up to the plate, we have the "Friendly Wagers" Award, going to:

Picard: "That's one of the worst things we've ever been through."

Troi: "I sense relief, Sir, but I am unsure of what situation you are referring to."

Picard: "The chaos is over. Sit back and enjoy, everyone. The regular refs are back."

Troi: "As I said, Sir, I am unsure of what situation you are referring to."

Picard (to self): "Well, Will is going to have to cough up a few quatloos. Apparently there is a subject that Deanna knows less about than driving."

Next, we have the "Very Observant" Award, going to:

Picard: You've been working for the Klingons!
Zorn: I've done no such thing!
Picard: Oh drop your lies! There's a message right on your laptop screen... In Klingon!

Next, we have the "Human Resources Violation" Award, going to:

Picard: "Signal our surrender."

Yar: "Excuse me Captain, while I slap some sense into you."

Next, we have the "This is how it all started..." Award, going to:

LaForge: A friend request from Duras?
Worf: My first Klingon friend on spacebook. I am so happy... he wants my family data records concerning Khitomer.

Next, we have the "Magic Q Ball" Award, going to:

Data: I have sent your query sir, and the reply was, "Concentrate and ask again."

Photoshops were here in great numbers this time around, I got so excited seeing them, I made all of them winners!

Picard: "What is it Mister Data?"

Data: "It is a Borg Cube Captain, cleverly disguised as a delightful Christmas scene."

And...

Tasha's obsession with Lord Of The Rings was getting out of hand.

Worf: Captain, we appear to have crossed into some kind of alternate reality.

Stewart: Actually, I think the Captain would look better in red.

Director: Damn, now we'll have to recolour half the costumes.

And...

PICARD: Keep at it Yar. You need to master "Stray Cat Strut" in time for the ship talent show!

An award for feeding my narcissism...

Worf: Here are the tribute messages for LeadHead.
La Forge: Gee that's a lot! He must be the most loved guy on this ship!

PICARD: Well Mister Wayne, in our defense, it cant be much of a secret headquarters if we found it.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, I am very pleased to present the first of 2 special contests. The Pictures have been chosen by captioners who have been with me since the beginning. They will also be judging their pictures. So you will be temporarily be freed from my tyrannical maneuvers!

Lets get this show on the road!

This image comes from Holdfast one who has stickyed many a contest for me.

This Image was selected by Jonas Grumby, who I believe has some form of telepathy given the number of times he's known just how to make me laugh...

This image was selected by The Laughing Vulcan, I get concerned seeing this Vulcan caption, after all isn't a Vulcan supposed to be controlling their emotions?

This image was selected by Mojochi, I'm sure he's explained his name to me before, but with my addled brain I always forget and he needs to explain it repeatedly, maybe his name means "LeadHead Memory Loss"

The final image of this contest comes to us from Finn, whom I'd like to thank for being a part of not only the caption contests, but a player in the Trek Screencap game, going back several years.

Alright Captioners, Judges, one and all, lets have some fun!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: (Reading) "Nobody reads these anymore. Why don't you just look up news electronically like everyone else?"

Picard: (over comm) Picard to Bridge. Mister La Forge, what is your analysis of the strange alien device?

La Forge: It's a big sphere with a flashing red light in it, Sir.

Lwaxana Troi: Why, Yes! I do fancy Captain Picard!

Picard: Picard to Transporter Room, Emergency Transport!

Picard: (waking up) WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!!!

Data: Commander, it appears that we have encountered the marker buoy left by apple maps.

Riker: Great. Are we at our destination?

Data: Unknown Sir, it says we shoulda taken a left turn in Albuquerque.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Well, the TV schedule confirms it. "Hitler on Letterman"! I'm almost certain that's historically incorrect."

Data: "Captain, she is doing it again! And it is most distracting!"
Picard: "Ensign Gates! Both hands on your console, please!"

Whalen: "Oh, there's a sale at Penney's!"
Picard: "Airplane already did that joke."
Whalen: "Frak!!"

 

[Holdfast]

I couldn't resist choosing the newspaper image; I'm a sucker for news headline gags (I was sad when they got rid of them in the American Dad opening titles). Hope you have fun with it!

PICARD (reading): "Judge Godwins Own Caption Contest"

TROI: Is Geordi the only one not to have noticed the cute redhead in the minidress because he's blind or because he's interested in the sphere?
CRUSHER: Sure, we could go for one of those two reasons...

PICARD: Now! Lob the grenade at her now!

CRUSHER: Ever see Misery?

DATA: I believe the probe has the power to induce a stroke...

 

[T'Girl]

Whelan: "Hitler on Dancing with the Stars?"

Picard: "According to this, Bristol Palin is expected to kick his ass in the tango competition."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Commander Peter Quincy Taggart (OS): "You know what, Jean Luc, I'm tempted to activate the Omega 13 Device...except that I'm kind of afraid to see just where that hand was thirteen seconds ago!"

 

[Velocity]

Lwaxana: ooh! Jean-Luc!
Picard: I'm so sorry, it was an accident--I didn't mean--
Lwaxana: You have half an hour to stop that. Make that an hour!!

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD:Hmmm, Edith Keeler hit by car. Aliens in Berlin. Slow news day, I guess.

LAFORGE: Sorry captain the Eymorg device rejected the offer of Wesley's brain.

PICARD (thinking): One swift chop to the neck. Come on, Jean-luc. You can do it!

PICARD: I payed for a happy ending!

DATA: Have you read Kirk's log entry about Excalbia?

PICARD: No, why?

 

[R. Star]

Thanks for the win!

Whelan: We've traveled back in time to World War 2?
Picard: According to Starfleet records Archer and Kirk should be around here somewhere...

Worf: (thinking) Hot.
Crusher, Troi, Yar: (thinking) Bitch.
Geordi: Data look at my big round ball!
Data: Query, why are you the only one not staring at the new crewman?

Lwaxana: Oh Jean-Luc, did you just touch my ass? You naughty boy!
Picard: (recoils hand) Noooo!

Picard: What happened?
Crusher: The same thing that happened 9 months before Wesley was born.

Data: It bears a striking resemblance to a Talarian warship. Did the Kataan subcontract their survival probe project?

 

[shivkala]

TFTW, Leadhead!

Picard: Huh, apparently, "Hitler on Ice" is one of the more popular Ice Capades shows...

La Forge: Cotton Candy, anyone?

Crusher: ♪Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr. ♪

(I know I used this one last week, but it's just so à propos).

Data: I have completed my analysis, sir. Apparently the model builders got lazy and just glued bits from Klingon ships together.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Picard: "Merde! We're a couple of decades too early for Garfield."
Whelan: "Ooh, there's a Batman strip though."

Worf: "Ever... mated with a Klingon?"
Yar: "Classy!"

Deanna os: "Captain! What are your intentions towards my mother."
Picard thinking: "Merde! She's got me over a barrel. I'm going to have to give in and let her wear that catsuit instead of the cheerleader outfit."
Lwaxana: "I heard that!"

Crusher: "It'll be fine. It's just a minor dryness in the eye. I'll precribe you some artificial tears to treat it."
Picard: "Thank you Doctor. But did I have to be naked for you to tell me that?"
Crusher: "Don't argue with your Doctor, Jean Luc."

Picard: "Mon Dieu!"
Riker: "What is the size of that thing?"
Data: "The more pressing question is, what is the size of the Kinder Egg that Counsellor Troi just beamed to her quarters?"

 

[Isis]

LeadHead, TFTW.

Picard (sotto voce): "Now that we've arrived in Nazi Germany to assassinate Hitler, we must be careful to remain inconspicuous and not do anything to give ourselves away."

When the redhead walked in, LaForge thought that was a good opportunity to work on the broken Simon he'd just 'won' on ebay. That worked fine with Warf and Yar, but LaForge hadn't paid much attention to his surroundings and didn't realize that at that very moment, the Chief Surgeon and Ship's Counselor were exactly where we'd all expect them--right in the middle of the bridge.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Geordi: So warp drives come from little eggs like this?

 

[inflatabledalek]

Waylan: France surrendered I see. "Table for two million!".

Picard: Hey, how about we hang about for Pearl Harbor? Always good for a laugh.

Geordi: Yep, it's definitely the magic 8 ball the Captain uses to pick the Chief Engineer of The Week. Now I just need to rig it in my favour...

Laxwanna: Jean-Luc, if you alternated hands you wouldn't get cramp.

Picard: I so love telepaths.

Picard: Oddly this isn't the most elaborate hair restorative technique I've tried.

Data: Is this a good time to bring up my annual pay rise?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Data: "Captain, except for Ensign Gate's opinion that a couple of small ones would 'make for some bitchin' earrings,' we have no idea what it is."

 

[Ln X]

Thanks for the double wins!

Picard's buddy: Gee you think Hitler might take over Europe?
Picard: (muttering) And he calls himself a history buff...

Data: Right! As your second officer I have realised there are too many distractions on this bridge. Mr La Forge desist with playing with that orb, Doctor you are supposed to be in Sickbay not on the bridge, lieutenant Tasha please look more useful at primary tactical, and Worf stop eyeing up the ensign's legs!

Lwaxana: Oh my!
Picard: I was trying to tell you about that, but you insisted upon walking into my quarters while Beverly was in a state of erm... undressing, for... for something.

Picard: How do you... do you do it? You didn't even take your clothes off.
Beverly: Twenty years of sexual repression.

Data: Sir, request permission to destroy that probe.
Picard: It poses no threat, so lower shields-
Data: Sir I really recommend we destroy the probe, I just have a feeling something bad is going to happen... Like it will change someone's life in a very big way.

 

[Ln X]

Damn! This picture is just way too versatile!

Picard: Crewmen! Avert your eyes and tell no one of what you saw! If word gets out I got freaky with Lwaxana I will have your head on a platter!

OR:

Picard: (thinking) Don't touch her butt, don't touch her butt, don't squeeze it, don't squeeze- SQUEEZE!

OR:

Even Picard fell to the age old instinct of man following his pecker and not his brain...


​

 

[Isis]

Picard: "Security just reported a shower curtain missing from the gang shower on Deck 8. Lwaxana, you wouldn't know its whereabouts by any chance, would you?"

 

[Zammer]

Picard: Why does your breath smell like Juicy Fruit?

Geordi: Captain, apparantly Dr Hannibal Lector has been sending brain engrams to Data again......

Lwaxana: Little One, I told you to pack the Blue Chiffon for tonights Royal Dinner!

Picard: Doctor, Do NOT touch my Moobs and then stroke my cheek with your hands!!!

Data: Sir, someone is looking for an accomplished fluteist and heard that you are a prodigy?

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: Programming is complete, Captain. Now when ever we approach, the probe will broadcast the message "Here come the players!".