TNG Caption This! 271: New Contest! So cool!

[LeadHead]

Hi there everyone! Lets go!

First up to the plate we have the "False Hope" Award, going to:

Riker (thinking): Is that a shadow on the top of his head, or is he finally growing some hair?!?

Next, we have the "Story Structure" Award, going to:

Geordi: It's a field of plot holes.

Next, we have the "Who hijacked my Warthog?!" Award, going to:

Worf: "Worst. LAN party. Ever."

Next, we have the "In depth analysis" Award, going to:

Crusher: "This is shedding absolutely no light on your empathic abilities, but I found my lost locker key."

Next, we have the "A Look Ahead" Award, going to:

Picard:... And that's what you'll look like by the time you make Captain.

Our Photoshop Award goes to:

No Stinknut Blend in the database, sir.

Our "Thanks for your patience" Award goes to:

Riker: What's the status of the latest caption contest captain?
Picard: Unclear, the all-powerful being known as LeadHead as decided to take a break. Maybe today or tomorrow the next contest will be up.

Data: "I must remind you Mr Worf, with Dr Crusher away, it is your turn to tuck Wesley in and read him his 'night-night' story."

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to all of our winners! Okay, cards on the table about this contest. I am completely unsure when this one will end and the next will begin. Next weekend I will be a part of a wedding (not the groom) and will have a nearly completely unpredictable schedule. Quite possibly it will not begin until Tuesday, July 3rd. I will do what I can to be prompt, but I will make no guarantees.

So, now, without further ado, New contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Sorry, Number One. They sunk your battleship.

Worf: He has dishonored me for the last time! I'm taking him to the scrap metal shop!

Mr. Homm: Wow, Spacebook stock is down again.

Picard: Commander Tomalak, we will not surrender to you. My crew is fully prepared to go to battle with yours! Right, Number One?

Riker: Why does he sit in front of a bunch of orange lights?

Picard: Helm, get us out of here.

Endar: So, let me get this straight, putting Human Children into battles with large animals is considered abuse?

Picard: We'll come back later.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Worf: I have the new data module you requested, sir.
Picard: Excellent! Plug him in at the Ops station.

 

[Ln X]

Thanks for the win!

Picard: Wesley's oestrogen levels?
Riker: Off the scale sir... No wonder he's been acting like such a girl...

Worf: A Klingon doesn't carry his own comrades!

Data: What are you looking at?
Homn: ...

Picard had a serious problem, unlike Riker and Worf he had no facial hair to scratch to appear smart and thoughtful.

Alien: Let's mate!
Troi: I beg your pardon?
Alien: You are young, bearing seed and of firm figure right?
Troi: (sighs) I think this is what you call a cultural misunderstanding... But in the interests of fostering closer relations between our peoples I accept your offer.
Picard: (listening in) Counsellor!

Troi gulps...

 

[Holdfast]

WORF: Fully functional, you say? I'll report back later...

DATA: Ah yes, I should have warned you that Mr Barclay has devolved into a spider again.

PICARD: Yes, your beard looks lovely. Can we now stop using the viewscreen as a mirror?

PICARD wonders whether to interrupt their intense stare, or wait for them to get it on on the conference table and watch.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Data: "Ceiling Cat. You get used to him after a while."

Picard (sotto voce to Riker): "Commander! Lower your hand! Quickly, before the Ambassador notices! Mimicking picking at fleas is the worst insult imaginable to a Caitian!"

 

[T'Girl]

Picard: "What is it Number One?"
Riker: "It's my new reflective stance, what do you think?"
Picard: "I was referring to the spacial vortex on the view screen."

 

[shivkala]

Patrick Stewart: I'm sorry, Johnathan, but the script clearly calls for you to strip naked and perform a fan dance.
Johnathan Frakes: Why does the script have so many white-outs where my name has been written in ink? And why does it look like your handwriting, Patrick? And...hey, wait a minute, this is the script for Star Trek V!
Patrick: So, that's a no, then?

Director: No, no, no! That is NOT how the scene is supposed to go. How are we supposed to remake The Empire Strikes Back if we can't get the "Chewbacca carries C3PO" scene correct?

Data: I appreciate your help, Mr. Hohm. In my quest to fully understand humans and their idioms, I am attempting to reenact some of the more common phrases in the English language. Today we will watch paint dry and then assess the enjoyment we get out of it. Next, we will watch grass grow. Later, I do want to try the "A watched pot never boils," idiom, as well.

Riker: Sir, it's useless, I'll never see the sailboat. I'm just no good at these Magic Eye things.
Picard: Keep trying, Number One. You just have to cross your eyes and then slowly relax them.

Picard: Still at it? Good, another hour and we'll get into the Guiness Book of Galatic Records for longest staring contest!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker: "Here it is. Constitution-class USS Enterprise, Captain James T. Kirk commanding. And look at that record! This guy was really something! God, what I wouldn't give to serve under a captain like that! Uh...not that there's anything wrong with your record, sir."

 

[inflatabledalek]

Thanks ftw!

Picard: *Thinking* I reeally hate that guy.

Worf: It's the sight of TNG in HD Sir, it was too much for him.

Data: Do you find that every time you try to "Knock one out" over a picture of Christina Ricci a mental image of her in the Addams Family films pops into you head and ruins the moment? I believe this is called "Drew Barrymore Syndrome".

Picard: Right, here's the plan, pay attention everybody this is vital... Worf's asleep again isn't he?

Alien: So I get what the Captain meant when he said there were two good reasons he kept you about.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: I was unaware you had a brother, Mr Homm.

 

[Mojochi]

Picard: (Thinking) Sometimes I think he was smarter when he devolved into the ape man

Worf: Oh I get the picture. Tote that Data. Open that hail. Get a little drunk & you land in jail

Data: It would seem hypocritical for a person who only wears gray tunics to be critical of the decor

Picard: Put on your best poker face, Number One. Really? That's it? Remind me to show up for the game one of these days

Picard: Damn telepaths. You two better not be talking about me again, dammit!

 

[Nerys Myk]

BRRRAAAAAPT!!!!!

RIKER: I swear to god sir, that was LaForge!

WORF: So I take the Tin Man through the looking glass?

DATA: The Tin Man was from the Oz books, moron.

PICARD: Okay, maybe looking thoughtful isn't your thing. Go back to constipated.

PICARD: So, is he some sort of freakish blond Klingon or not???

 

[Cuhl]

When Mr. Homn got tired of hearing Data talk, he would pretend he had suddenly turned into a statue.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Endar: Counselor, you must join me in the Talarian Navy! On one of our ships your career would thrive, not languish under the yoke of this pinheaded bald tin-plated dictator...he's right behind me, isn't he?

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

LaForge: "-and in 30 minutes, main power will fail catastrophically, killing us all."

Picard: "Suggestions."

LaForge: "We could rehydrate the tension delineator coil fusion matrix."

Riker: "I could pose on things."

Picard: "Both of you, get to work. Dismissed."

Worf: "Oh, this anatomically-correct android? It's for a school project. Art."

Data: "They say the vents are haunted by a mute-hating xenophobe ghost.

...

It's just a story, though."

Picard/Riker: "Yes, but is it art?"

Picard: "Alright, that's enough of that. This is a Caption Contest, not a Staring Contest."

 

[Supernuke]

Picard: Why do they keep mimicking our movements, Number One?

Riker: Hmm, I'm not really sure. Maybe we should keep moving around!

Worf: Sir! Sensors tell me that you are looking in a mirror.

 

[Johnny Rico]

Picard: Lt., where are you taking Commander Data?
Worf: The Commander ran his batteries down again servicing Dr. Crusher in her quarters. I'm taking him back to his recharge station, sir.
Picard: Excellent! Send him to my quarters when he's fully recharged.
Worf: Are you sure, sir?
Picard: Dammit Worf, don't question me when I'm horny.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Computer: "Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center-"

 

[T'Girl]

LaForge: "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ."