TNG Caption This! 266: The Cliffhanger...

[LeadHead]

Happy Saturday everyone! No, I haven't moved yet, but I had a little bit of time this morning, so I wanted to get this contest up while I have the chance! Lets go!

First up to the plate, we have the "24th Century Prankster" Award, going to:

Ah yes, the old, "Krazy Glue on the table trick..."

Next, we have the "Case Closed" Award, going to:

DATA: As you can see, we've located the missing twin ambassadors from the planet Sapphos in Commander Riker's quarters.

Next, we have the "You're about to find out..." Award, going to:

WORF: Childbirth, how hard could it really have been?

Next, we have the "OUCH!" Award, going to:

It is said that if you travel across the universe for long enough you will watch yourself being tortured...

Next, we have "The Perks of Promotion" Award, going to:

Riker: How do you like the First Officer's chair?

Data: I am incapable of having pleasure in a chair assigned to that of a superior rank. However, I can function without having a crotch in my face now.

DATA: The cultural practises of these people is most unusual. They appear to spend an inordinate amount of time at a place called the For'Um, discussing the meanings of a variety of stories, arguing minute flaws in others and attempting to write their own fiction, with varying levels of sucess

PICARD: Fascinating

DATA: Indeed. However, the practises of a cult called Capt'Ion This are particually disturbing...

Many thanks to all who participated and congrats to all of our winners! Now, since it's May and Season Finale time, I thought we'd spend a little time with one of my favorite Cliffhangers of all time, "The Best of Both Worlds."

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Riker: This place would be great for camping!

Data: Commander...

Riker: Oh, yeah. Hundreds of people missing. Right, lets stay on that for now.

Picard: Analysis of the Nebula Cloud Mister Data.

Data: Created at ILM in a cloud tank.

Riker: (thinking) Nice a- oh right. I hate her.

Hansen: We're coming with every available starship to assist Captain, but until we get CGI ships in DS9, the closest help is 6 days away.

La Forge: And then if Picard gets abducted, I get his stereo...

Data: I get his quarters...

Shelby: I get his Ready Room...

Wesley: What do I get?

La Forge, Data and Shelby: His Haircut.

 

[Ln X]

Thanks for the win LeadHead!

Riker: (thinking) And when that turbolift door closes, I'll woo her so senseless she will be begging to be demoted!

Wesley: Woah! Look at him go!
Geordi: That's some mighty mounting all right!
Data: Correction Geordi, do you mean mounted?
Geordi: Whatever...
Picard: Gentlemen, do you mind telling me what you are gawping at?

 

[Ln X]

Riker: (thinking) Time for some plain basic sex to show her where she stands!

 

[Holdfast]

Thanks FTW; good luck with the move!

DATA: I'm detecting a dangerous build-up of noxious gases!
GEORDI: Damn burrito.

PICARD: ILM on strike this week?

RIKER (thinking): "Kick Me"? So tempting.
WORF (thinking): Brave woman to wear that on her back; that is a Klingon sign!

VIEWSCREEN: "... and I'm not asking for 10 bars of latinum, no, not even 5 bars of latinum. Just TWO bars of latinum for the space mop and we'll even throw in your first three months supply of baryon detergent free of charge! Call now; stock is very limited and when it's gone, it's gone!"
PICARD: Mr Worf? Hailing Frequencies.

PICARD (thinking): no-one looking at my new uniform? Pfft, Haters Gonna Hate...

 

[Nerys Myk]

Worf wasn't sure "Seven Minutes In Heaven" was the best way to resolve command disputes.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Riker: I can see where your hand is going Mr LaForge, and I don't like it.

Picard: So how do you know which button does what?

Shelby: I can sense you staring at my ass Commander, I'm more than just a pair of shapely buttocks you know!

Riker: True, you also have shapely tits.

Shelby: I'm guessing the odds of Starfleet letting you have your own ship aren't as good as I was hoping.

Admiral: I'm summoning the Enterprise to join me at Wolf 359.

Picard: What does God need with a Starship?

Picard: *Thinking* Riker was right, nice ass. Must try to angle round to get a look at her tits.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPINER: Hold up, I gotta take this.

DIRECTOR: CUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PICARD: Okay, who's the wiseguy playing "Purple Haze"??

Get over to Starbase 12 and find out what Miller's been up to.

PICARD: Look, I shaved my head for that picture!!! I wasn't bald at the Academy!!!!

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win (and the one a week ago in the Deep Space Nine forum)!

It suddenly occurred to Riker, that, while Starfleet had changed it's departmental color scheme for the uniforms, no one had notified the Alien of the Week of this change...

Picard: Damn it, Mr. Worf, if I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times, no prune juice near the camera!

Worf: Thinking to himself Even as a Klingon, I would not enter that turbolift with Shelby so soon after making a comment about her sexuality. Any other time, I'd call him brave, but this time...Riker's just a plain dumbass.

Admiral Hanson: And then we'll engage the Borg in...I'm sorry, I know it's insensitive of me, but how do we really know Lt. Commander LaForge is awake. I mean, I get that he needs his VISOR to "see," but, well it's just freaky, is what I'm saying.

Picard: Admiral, I assure you, VISOR or no VISOR, as with any member of my crew, Mr. LaForge is an exemplary officer and would never sleep through a briefing.

LaForge: *Loud Snore*

Picard: Merde...

Shelby: He's coming, quick, switch from that "Risa Vacation" video he's in to the report on the plasma coolant levels!

 

[Smellincoffee]

Riker: Data, I want you and Worf to go -- Data!
Data, looking up: Yes, sir? Oh. My apologies. The Captain has just taken his turn in Words with Friends.

Picard: What do you think, Data?
Data: I believe the simile Commander Riker employed is insufficient. The average density of this nebula is in fact greater than that of pea soup.

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the win!

Dorn: *mumbles* They should have cast Suzie as Shelby. Worf would have gone for her.

 

[Bob Karo]

Riker: (thinking) So that's what Calhoun sees in her.

 

[Maurice]

DATA: According to these readings, we have peaked with this episode.

DATA: May I suggest we exit the nebula on the opposite side from the Borg ship, increasing the chances we won't be immediately detected.
PICARD: No, fly out right past them. It's more dramatic.

ADMIRAL HANSON: So, Riker, sure you don't want the Melbourne?
RIKER: Sure, I'll pick her up from you at Wolf 359.

 

[Finn]

Data: I am picking up the Captain and Doctor's life signs just over that ridge. They appear to be doing a physical activity. Their combadges appear to be functioning. I do not know why they are not responding.

Geordi: Um... Remember when you and Tasha...

 

[BriGuy]

Data: The tricorder is having difficulty locating our vehicle.

Worf: I told you to remember where we parked!

 

[BriGuy]

Admiral Hanson: We're amassing a fleet to fight back against the Cylon tyranny!

Picard: Wrong franchise, sir.

Hanson: Frak!

Picard: Still not right, sir.

 

[BriGuy]

Riker: The only way we're going to survive this is if Mr. Data exposes his penis...

Spiner: CUT! Tommy... I know you're on set somewhere... YOU'RE NOT SEEING IT!

 

[Vassa]

Riker: Geordi, does that background look less fake with your visor?

Data: Apparently somebody forgot to pay the cable bill, sir.

Shelby(thinking):"Grow some balls, Riker!", naw too sexist. "Your record never indicated you were a candyass!", nope too confrontational.
I know! "If you can't make the big decisions, Commander, I suggest you make room for someone who can." Bingo!

Hanson: The Borg are kicking the shit out of everything we throw at them. You're next. Good Luck!

Picard wasn't sure if he was more surprised to find a floating craps game or that Wesley was running it.

 

[BriGuy]

Shelby: OK, don't over-compensate. I'm a strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke.

 

[TrickyDickie]

Get over to Starbase 12 and find out what Miller's been up to.

Picard: "Admiral Scanlon, you are obsessed."