TNG Caption This! 257: Full Speed Ahead

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone and Happy St. Patricks day to you! Sorry about the lateness, sadly the roof chose today to leak. Leak has been plugged so none of you need to send an Away Team to assist.

First up to the plate, we have the "Do you smell that? It's a lawsuit" Award, going to:

Troi: Captain, I was wondering. Is there anything I could, well, do for that promotion?

Next, we have the "This is why Klingons don't get invited to the really good parties" Award, going to:

Beverly: "So you say you were fine until you had to put your left foot on the yellow circle?"

Worf: "Klingon warriors do not have any training exercises that approximate something like 'Twister'."

Alexander: "They asked us to leave the party when he swung on the piñata with his bat'leth."

Next, we have the "That's okay, because you're not my Chief Engineer anymore" Award, going to:

LaForge: "Picard's wax dummy is a pretty good likeness, isn't it?"

<brief pause>

La Forge: "You're not a dummy, are you?"

Batting cleanup, we have the "Child Geniuses say the Darndest Things" Award, going to:

Riker: Can anybody explain what this kid just said?

Next, we have the "Robot Roll Call" Award, going to:

Round doors? Is this the Satellite of Love?

Our Photoshop Award goes to:

Data: "I do believe you will have a terrific time, Worf. I have educated Tasha in a myriad of techniques. Oh, and the fold out bed is triggered by that button on the wall. Enjoy!"
Tasha: "Say, what??"

GUARDIAN: Uh, forget you saw that.

Many thanks to all who participated and congratulations to our winners! I have a new set of photos ready and waiting, so lets get it going!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Data: I win!

Worf: What did you win?

Data: Bragging rights over the two of you forever.

Picard: Oh, by the way Number One, when Admiral Nechayev comes aboard, you'll be her personal liaison.

Worf: Whoops.

Yar: Not again.

Picard: We apologize, we accidentally sliced a hole in the wrong wall. We will leave now, you may resume your lovemaking.

Data: The High School Gym renovations on schedule? What a load!

Comm Beep.

La Forge: Thank you for calling La Forge's Shuttle Detailing. How can we help you?

 

[jespah]

Thanks FTW - and thank you to Joel, Mike and the 'bots.

Many thanks to all who participated and congratulations to our winners! I have a new set of photos ready and waiting, so lets get it going!

Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock, Klingon, tuna sandwich, Tribble harness, toaster oven!

Sir, when did you move the door?

Now, replicate me some curtains! Something Scarlett O'Hara would wear!

The treasure's in the horse barn? Under the manure pile? Damn!

Okay, the recipe says, after we heat it, we're supposed to stuff it with chestnuts. Where are the chestnuts?

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: Interesting. So that is where Tasha went wrong.

RIKER: Ow!!!

PICARD: Sorry Numbah One. Computer, release door lock.

RIKER: Ow!!!!

PICARD: Ah, seems to be a glitch...Computer, release door lock.

RIKER: Ow!!!!! You're doing this on purpose aren't you?

WORF: Flintstone and Rubble are gone, sir.

DATA: This Jeff Cable fellow looks familiar.

LA FORGE: Shuttle's back but there's no sign of Bueller, Frye or Peterson.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Worf: "Fisting is not honorable!"

Riker: "Ouch! It's trapped!"
Picard: "Please, you're not fooling anyone..."

Picard: "I thought I told you not to cross the streams."

Data: "I cannot believe it. Mustard yellow is out, and distressed peach is in this season."

LaForge: "Mynocks! Chewing on the power cables again. Make sure you get them all, Dyson."

 

[TrickyDickie]

Next, we have the "This is why Klingons don't get invited to the really good parties" Award, going to:

Beverly: "So you say you were fine until you had to put your left foot on the yellow circle?"

Worf: "Klingon warriors do not have any training exercises that approximate something like 'Twister'."

Alexander: "They asked us to leave the party when he swung on the piñata with his bat'leth."

That was actually one of my wife's and she says "Thank you very much!" She says it was inspired by a game of Twister on The Big Bang Theory.

 

[TrickyDickie]

Brent (thinking): These google maps are worthless. I'm supposed to be on the set of TNG, but here I am in the middle of 'Gunsmoke:The Re-Imagining.'

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Data: "I have a lump of coal in my hand, and Mr. Worf has one up his ass. We're going to see who can make a diamond first!"

Data (reading): "'Get your next clue from the horse's ass standing under the locksmith sign.' I wonder how literally I am supposed to take this."

Taurik: "You were right, sir! If you want the men to work faster, you just have to light a fire under their ass!"
LaForge: "Well, I didn't mean literally! But, hey, if it works, it works!"

 

[Holdfast]

DATA: So I said to her, "One of these days, Tasha... pow! Right in the kisser!"

PICARD: Starfleet cutbacks, Will. I had to fire the ensign who operates the door mechansim.

Picard catches Tasha and Worf comparing their bad-ass phaser poses in the mirror.

SPINER: Damn. It really IS in the small print of my contract that I have to muck out the horse stables.

TAURIK: The pattern of fire you have asked for is similar to what might result if the shuttle were fleeing an attacker while engaging in evasive maneuvers.
GEORDI: Taurik, have you ever heard of a little something called Insurance Fraud...?

 

[Nerys Myk]

LAFORGE: Huh, according to Wikipedia this shuttle is named for Cherie Currie of the Runaways??!!!

 

[Mojochi]

Woohoo! Thanks for picking me as a winner!

Cmdr. Riker was thrilled with how complete Data's "Multiple Techniques" instruction was, while Worf was still confused

Picard: Before you go, #1, I believe I dropped my PADD over there. Be a dear, & get that for me. Yeah, that's the stuff

Picard: Did either of you notice the door 3 meters to your left?

Data: I hope this newspaper can inform me of somewhere I can get a key made

Starfleet Barbeque grills were extremely hard to get started

 

[Lanny77]

On a primitive world, Lt.commander Data was shocked to find a prophetic manuscript lost to sands of time, one written by the elusive sages of Loo-gan, Beerma and Spiner and foretold his own death. History knows this mysterious document solely as....Star Trek Nemesis

 

[Smellincoffee]

Data: "Mischief managed."

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: One last thing, Numbah One. Find out why there are three active Caption Contests in the TNG forum.

 

[Kirby]

Riker: Squeeze, twist, then pump? That really works?
Data: Indeed it does, only one of multiple techniques...
Worf: What was the one with the papertowel tube and the ficus tree branch again?

Picard: Hereeeeeeee's Jeany!

Data: Intriguing, the very first Family Circus cartoon. I could take this back to 23rd and make an easy five or six credits.

 

[TrickyDickie]

Geordi: "Ensign, I swear you're like a kid with a magnifying glass. Leave that spider alone!"

Geordi: "No, sir. No one has seen Ensign Bieber since he brought back the shuttlecraft."

 

[BriGuy]

Riker: A map? Doesn't Data have an internal GPS system?

LaForge: Yes, he does, commander. But the captain refuses to pay for a map update. So, by now, it's pretty much useless.

 

[BriGuy]

Pierre: Nope, it's not named after me. I'm not that bad a driver.

Crewman: Is that enough damage, commander?

LaForge: Almost. A few more shots should do it.

Crewman: But why are we damaging our own shuttlecraft?

LaForge: If we don't spend all our budget this quarter, Starfleet will cut it in the next. Now keep firing!

 

[BriGuy]

Geordi was positive that if he etched "NOS" on the side of the shuttle, it could reach warp 10.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Geordi: "Ensign, I swear you're like a kid with a magnifying glass. Leave that spider alone!"

Picard (over the comm): Commander La Forge, the Ambassador from Arachnia IV was touring the Shuttle Bay, have you seen him? "

Geordi: "Crap."