TNG Caption This! 249: Season 3; New Uniforms!

[LeadHead]

Thanks to everyone for being patient with me on starting this one!

First up to the plate, we have the "Massively Effecting" Award, going to:

Enterprise Computer: (with a sigh) "Probing Uranus."

Next, we have the "24th Century Monday Morning Quarterback" Award, going to:

Picard: I have been reviewing ancient Football games on the holodeck, and I really think Tim Tebow sucks... AHHHHHH!

Next, we have the "That'll teach ya to answer his phone" Award, going to:

Worf - "It's an obscene phone call, sir." hands phone to Riker. "I think it's for you."

Next, we have the "And this is how a..." Award, goes to:

DATA: You should alternate hands to avoid cramping, doctor.

Next, we have the "Coming Soon to Starfleet FailBlog" Award, going to:

Alien: (VO) To approaching vessel, please change your heading 5 degrees port.

Data: This is Lt. Commander Data of the Federation Starship Enterprise. Please change your heading ten degrees starboard.

Alien:No. Change your heading, Enterprise.

Data: To unidentified vessel, this is a Galaxy class starship and the flagship of the Federation with five defiant class escorts. Please change your heading or you will be considered hostile and met with full force.

Alien: This is a space station. Over.

A few Special Awards, this week:

The Great minds think alike, I just won by inches Award:

Curses!

Picard: And may God strike me down if Lead Head manages to get in with the "God strike me down" gag whilst inflatable dalek is typing his...

The "Great Team Work" Award, goes to:

Voice: Welcome to the emergency line of the Klingon High Council. If you know your Councillor's extension, enter it now. If you want to speak to the Chancellor, press 1. If you are a petaQ, press 2. If you want to challenge someone to a duel to the death, press 3. If you have lost your honor, press 4...

Worf: *presses 4*

"Please hold".

Irving Berlin music plays.

Worf: *Presses 3 repeatedly*.

Our Photoshop Award goes to:

Herman: "Eddie my boy, take us home."
Eddie: "Aye sir, laying in a course for the Mockingbird Nebula!"

I looked at the sun, Ray.

Thanks to everyone again for being patient at my tardiness. Congratulations to our winners and thanks to all who participated! And now, Season 3!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Q felt like celebrating when he heard that the Priceline Negotiators end was near.

La Forge: Okay, once the light turns green, Floor it!

Los Angeles is getting worse and worse...

La Forge: They said the pizza would be here in 30 minutes. I'm sorry. I thought they would be reliable...

Worf: I can't even look at you right now.

Worf: Captain, I really need a chair back here!

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the win!

Wesley: (OS) Acting Ensign Crusher here. Please don't put on the uniforms. I somehow put itching powder in the laundry processing unit during my latest experiment.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Thanks ftw.

Patrick Stewart regretted signing up for playign Clinton in the Monica Lewinsky biopic without checking out the rest of the casting first...

Geordi: "If you can read this you're too close"?!

Worf: Worst rave EVER.

Worf *Thinking* Christ, Riker needs to clean his ears out.

Worf: Oh yeah, that's the spot... I hope no one else notices me doing this.

 

[Holdfast]

Q: Suck it, Picard!

GEORDI: You almost had me? You never had me - you never had your shuttle... Granny shiftin' not double clutchin' like you should. You're lucky that hundred shot of NOS didn't blow the welds on the intake! You almost had me?

WORF: Twist it a bit to the right Commander; the picture's gone all blue and fuzzy again.

WORF (thinking): Hmm, the Crusher boy has hidden skill. I must master this Atomic Wedgie battle technique.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Welcome back, LeadHead! And...you do such a terrific job with these contests, I'm sure no one begrudges you a little flexibility in timing!

Q: "Cubans? No, they're Tellerite. And believe me, you don't want to know what they use to fertilize their tobacco fields!"

LaForge (shouting out shuttle window): "Hey, you guys seen John Milner around tonight?"

Picard: "Mr. LaForge? Explanation?"
LaForge: "I'm terribly sorry, Captain. We were using the ship's phasers to drill holes in the planet's crust to release some of the internal pressure...but...we didn't know it would release so much pressure so quickly. The results were...pretty bad."
Crusher: "How bad?"
Picard: "Look out the window, Doctor!"

Q: "The pancho? Colorful, isn't it! It was a gift from Vash!"
Picard (coldly): "I know. I've got one just like it."

 

[bullethead]

While Picard was irritated by Q's over the top celebration, he couldn't say no to a good cigar.

Geordi knew parking tickets in Ferengi space were expensive, but he never expected them to be that expensive.

Riker: I claim this planet in the name of Federation.
Geordi: I've never seen a more desolate wasteland. Are we sure we want this planet?
Worf: Yes. We plan to strand Lwaxana Troi here.

Geordi: As you can see captain, we tested the CGI model in place of the 4 foot model ship and it looks better.
Picard: Very well Mr. La Forge, you have permission to replace all the 4 footer footage on the Blu-Rays. Make it so.

Captain's Log, Supplemental: The chronic back problems have spread throughout the crew. The only solution is to steal the Ferengi's supply of chiropractors, since they monopolized all of them, including the holograms.

Geordi: What the- You know what, never mind. At least its not Romulans this time.

 

[Ln X]

Q: Ah Mon Captaine! To celebrate the return of my powers let us smoke the finest weed in all of the Q-Continuum!

LaForge thinking: there ship beats this cardboard box anyday!

This night would be Worf's, Riker's and Geordi's last as they searched for the Lost Ark...

Laforge: Captain you would never believe it but there are massive frozen chocolate chunks out there!
Picard: Hmm... Could we eat them?

Picard: You know number one every time this ship shakes it looks like you're going to number two.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Cheers for the win!

Picard: "Q, use a match. When you light it with your omnipotent powers, it loses some of its flavor."

Geordi: "Christ, this asshole won't get out of my blind spot.

Get it?

Blind spot?"

Geordi: "Commander, what did you say the name of this planet was?"

Riker: "LV-246. Now the both of you stop paying attention to your surroundings and help me carry out this attention-engrossing task."

Geordi: "- 24 of my engineers died. Yeah, so apparently we can't drive full throttle into an asteroid belt like Empire Strikes Back."

Picard: "The two of you should have gone at Earth. The next rest stop won't be for 10,000 light years.."

 

[jespah]

Okay, so you say Kathryn Janeway doesn't know who the father is?

I swear, officer, I was only doing a quarter-impulse!

I love it when the planet's made of confectioner's sugar!

All that stuff out there? There's some huge eel-like space baby thing out there. I sent Wesley out to change its diaper. Might as well sit tight. This may take a while, folks.

Ah, even in our century, the whoopie cushion is a classic.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: Whoa, how about a warning next time, Commander!!!!

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Geordi: "Ha!! hand over the pink slip Bitch!!"

 

[boco]

Geordi: Have you ever seen Fast and Furious?

 

[Nerys Myk]

LAFORGE: When did the Ferengi change their ship design?

 

[Isis]

Q: "You can't both be Groucho. One of you is gonna have to be Harpo."

 

[Nerys Myk]

Q: I'm pretty much a lock for Murdock, but you guys will never make a believable Hannibal and Face.

 

[boco]

Worf's career as bridge's DJ was quite short,considering the look on the captain and first officer's faces

 

[Gary7]

Thanks for the pick, Leadhead.

Q: "Well, how was I to know that Cubans are much preferred to Dominicans? The cigars, that is."

Geordi: "What the... that's the ugliest looking shuttle I've ever seen."
Ferengi (on radio): "Oh yeah? Well we have menacing pincers and you've got two tiny phallic symbols!"

Geordi: "Worf, I know you're all hip on that classic JJ Abrams movie, but can you hold back on the lens flares? Sheesh."
Worf: "Sorry."

Geordi: "Sir, I understand your need to be fastidious. Your clothing is never out of place and everything in your office is always perfectly aligned. But is it really necessary for us to clean up all this space debris? I mean, it'll just drift away on it's own eventually."
Picard: "I'm afraid so. And so... Make it so."
Worf: "So?"
Picard: "What?"

Worf: "Ah, I always wondered what this opening was for in the bridge console. Ahhhhhhhh...."
Picard: "Riker, do you hear that? It sounds like water trickling somewhere."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker: "Ah, jeez! Look at the pose they caught me in for this picture! I look like I'm taking a big fart!"
Picard: "Relax, Will. This is the 24th century! Humanity has evolved! Nobody makes fart jokes anymore."
Riker (sarcastically): "Yeah, right!"

 

[Isis]

LaForge: "If we're all here, who's piloting the ship?"

Picard: "Now let me guess. Troi did your wash and forgot to use 'delicate' when she dried your uniform pants."

Riker: "Know-it-all."