TNG Caption This! 248: Season 2; Who let the kid drive?!

[LeadHead]

Happy Saturday to everyone! I hope this week has been fun, lets start the weekend!

First up to the plate, we have the "Interstellar Diplomacy" Award, going to:

Deanna: "Why yes, Mistress Beata, I do swing both ways."
Beata (OS): "Good to know."
Riker: "Wait...what?!"

Next, there were many great movie references going in on this one, but this one had my number, The "Blue, No! YELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW" Award, goes to:

Data: "Stop! Who would cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three, er the other side he see!"
Picard: "Data, I told you to stop watching Monty Python. It has contaminated your neural net. Geordi?"
Geordi: "Answer the three questions, Beverly."

Next, we have the "Lucky for you, I have advanced degrees in Murderonomy and Murderology. Zoidberg is afoot!" Award, goes to:

Worf: "One of you is the murderer. I've locked all the doors until the inspector from Scotland Yard arrives."

Next, we have the "Any other words of wisdom for today?" Award, going to:

Troi: "I sense you need a shower."

Picard: "And we pay you how much?"

Next, we have the "And in conclusion, the Floggings will continue until Morale Improves!" Award, going to:

Picard on the viewscreen: This is your captain! I am declaring a state of martial law on this ship! Sacrifice and toil are mandatory! You will eat LESS! You will sleep LESS! You will worker harder not SMARTER! Anyone who complains will be shot! This is for your own protection, and for the benefit of all involved. And finally I ask you to adore me, OR ELSE!

DATA: When the Captain said "female tar wrestling," he meant now.

Thanks to all who participated! Congratulations to our winners! And now, we continue our journey through the Seven Seasons of TNG, and move on to the Second Season!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

The "Angry Birds" of the 24th Century.

Picard: ...and may God strike me dead if I lie-

Worf: Hello..... Why do you care what I'm wearing?

Data: Perhaps if you had let him put clothes on, he wouldn't have broken your arm.

Data: Mister Crusher, you are speeding. Reduce our velocity before-

Space Cop: (over comm) Pull over now!

 

[inflatabledalek]

By the 24th Century those executive toys had moved well beyond the chain of little silver balls banging into one another...

Picard: No, really, the beard will help make your face stay looking slim. God strike me down if I'm wrong...

Worf: Hugh Jass? I'll just go ask...

Pulaski: Oh my... been a while since I've been near one of those!

Data: Me as well Doctor.

Data: Ship's Log Stardate 42645.67: Lt. Cmdr Data reporting.

This seat is da bomb. Lets hope old baldy doesn't make it back from this away mission he's not supposed to be on and I get to keep it.

End Ship's Log.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Curses!

Picard: And may God strike me down if Lead Head manages to get in with the "God strike me down" gag whilst inflatable dalek is typing his...

 

[Amasov]

Picard: "Our whole universe was in a hot dense state,
Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait...
The Earth began to cool,
The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools,
We built a wall (we built the pyramids),
Math, science, history, unravelling the mysteries,
That all started with the big bang! HEY!"

 

[Finn]

Kiddies, there are four lights in this picture. Who can find all four?

 

[Isis]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Real men don't eat quiche.
Real men drink espresso.
Real men use sandpaper (when they need to blow their nose).
Real men lactate fire.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Nothing I do scores any points! This game sucks!"

 

[Isis]

Picard looking at MRI of the inside of Wesley's head...

 

[bullethead]

Picard was disappointed that his new hologram projector would only receive PBS documentaries.

Riker's plan to assassinate Picard worked flawlessly... except for the obvious beam.

Worf: Hello? I need assistance with the television. It says "signal not found."
Front Desk: Try fiddling with the antenna.

Pulaski's cells adverse reaction to nubile young man resulted in her spontaneous combustion.

Troi: Data, is that...?
Data: It does appear to be you, crashing the saucer into the planet's surface.

 

[Ln X]

Thanks for the win LeadHead!

Picard thinking: I'm so bored I could destroy this star system!

Jonathan Frakes: Don't you think this season is getting a little cheap?
Patrick Stewart: You're telling me, they use a massive lightsabre prop to mimic a laser beam...
Brent Spiner: Perhaps if we were paid less the special effects would be better.
Patrick Stewart: Nah, let's all demand a pay rise or we threaten to leave the show.

Everyone else: Agreed!

Worf: Hello?
Person on the phone: Go to Grewthar you Klingon dog!

Data: Doctor what is the matter?
Pulaski: He's too hot to touch!

With the captain indisposed and Wesley at the helm, it was to everyones misfortune that there was only Data and Troi in command.

 

[Kirby]

Picard: Whoa... what kind of mushrooms were on that pizza?

Picard: I have been reviewing ancient Football games on the holodeck, and I really think Tim Tebow sucks... AHHHHHH!

As if the Enterprise D couldn't be more compared to a hotel, Worf is caught ordering room service.

Bob Sagat was everywhere in the late 80s.

Data: Computer, locate Captain Picard, Commander Riker and Dr. Crusher, and display on the main view screen.

Welsey: Mom!?!?!?

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

Worf: Yes, I have checked the children. Why do you ask? Who is this?

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: As you can see, I prefer using a lightbroadsword

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Cheers for the win!

Enterprise Computer: (with a sigh) "Probing Uranus."

Troi: "You have an enormous schwanzstucker!"

Riker: "But it's-"

Picard: "Not everyone keeps their genitals in the same place."

Worf: "You've reached Worf's Cleaning service. Providing for your dustbusting needs since 2361."

Data: "Robot Jesus! Don't any of these assholes use their blinkers anymore?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

TROI: Can you believe it? "The boy" piloting the ship! He's not even in Starfleet! What next? Putting me at Conn?

 

[Gary7]

Thanks for the selection, Leadhead. I had a feeling the Grail might get to you.

Q (OS): "Jean-Luc, the Krell would be most unimpressed with your performance."

 

[Gary7]

Picard: (thinking) I can't believe what I'm seeing. I must get that boy off this ship and out of my head!

Picard: (thinking) Maybe I didn't have enough for breakfast...

 

[Gary7]

Herman: "Eddie my boy, take us home."
Eddie: "Aye sir, laying in a course for the Mockingbird Nebula!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

Picard had high hopes for the remake of the Big Bang Theory.