TNG Caption This! 241: Dangerous Situations

[LeadHead]

Good evening everyone. sorry about being a little late on this, the holidays can be crazy.

First up to the plate, we have the "Talented Personnel" Award, going to:

No one expected Ensign McCormick's revival of "pole-dancing" at the annual talent show, but it was a BIG hit.

Next, we have the "Feline Resources" Award, going:

*offscreen* Picard: Quite frankly Tasha, we're replacing you with Spot. He's more threatening than you are as a security officer. We'll let the computer take over on weapons.

Next, we have the "Then what's left?" Award, going to:

Riker (in a quiet voice, turning to Worf): "If nothing else, this holiday meal has taught me that driving isn't the only task that needs to be off limits to Deanna."

Next, we have the "Extreme Gaming" Award, going to:

Worf: Last one with any fingers left wins

Next, we have the "Adults in Charlie Brown Cartoons" Award, going to:

Dr. Crusher: "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, me, me, me, me, me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, me..."
Picard: (thinking) Why oh why did I agree to these breakasts with Beverly? Why... oh why...

Our Photoshop Award goes to:

Worf (singing): The ptaQ of Seviiiiiiiiilleeee
Picard: Impressive as that is, Mr. Worf, you're one week late with that performance.

Crusher: "You and Nella Daren?! I just did her yearly physical exam last week! But...oh dear...doctor-patient confidentiality; I can't say anything! Oh God, Jean-Luc, please tell me you wore a condom!"

Congrats to all of our winners! Thanks to everyone who participated in the contest! I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: What was that noise? Q better not have just been masquerading as Beverly again...

Riker: As punishment for you dating Deanna, I get to throw water balloons at you and there's nothing you can do about it!

Captains Log, we have entered orbit of Flatulence 8...

Geordi: Hang on, okay. Now you're Wi-Fi enabled.

Picard: Everyone sent me these crappy gifts! I wanted a pony!

 

[boco]

When Troi was piloting the crew was praying

 

[Finn]

[/I]

Geordi: I didn't realize Tasha was that flexible

Data. I thought you were doing a diagnosis

Geordi: that too

 

[boco]

After having the emotion chip during the whole away mission with Wesley, at his return on the ship Data went straight to Geordi to remove it

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Picard os:*cough* "Memo to ship's stores..." *cough* "replicate and install" *cough* "No Smoking signs on the bridge!"

 

[Holdfast]

Picard would soon discover that however bad the fear was on feeling a snake rub up against you in bed, worse things happen in the middle of the night...

DEANNA (offscreen): That's the one; the perfect corsage for you to wear to the Starfleet Ball.

CONN: Commander Riker's cooking again?

GEORDI: What the... Oh God, Data, how... what IS that? Man, this is the last time I snake your drains!

PICARD: These examples of alien phallic symbolism are quite eye-opening, wouldn't you agree Commander?
RIKER: Eye-watering for their women, Captain.

 

[boco]

This is how Work found out about the human females's PMS

Geordi: How's the on and off energy flux to your brain circuits now? I must admit, Data, you do have a weird way to obtain an orgasm..

 

[bullethead]

Unfortunately for Picard, turning off the computer wasn't enough to keep the trolls away.

Worf: That's it, I have had enough! I'm going to DS9! They won't treat me like this!
Riker: Just wait until Let He Who Is Without Sin.

Wesley's botched cooking nearly killed the crew when he rerouted the stove fans through life support.

Geordi was pleased that his PVR was working out so well.

Riker never missed an opportunity to prank Picard.

 

[Mysterion]

GEORDI: Quit whining! You're the one who insisted on getting a haircut by a blind guy! Whoops! I'm sure that'll grow back.

 

[Isis]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead.

Worf (to self): "This is the last time I'll let Deanna drag me to one of these Mary Kay conventions."

 

[Nerys Myk]

Q: Do you have any eggs? I was thinking of making us breakfast.

PICARD (thinking) Merde! I guess he isn't leaving.

WORF: Report to the High Council: Have sucessfully exploded a tribble using my mind. Now need to work on distance.

Captains log: Cookouts on the bridge are hereforth banned.

GEORDI: The files on multiple techniques are taking longer to download than I figured.

RIKER: Big sale at Pottery Barn, sir?

 

[Ln X]

Q: Hello sexy!
Picard: Q I am not your bitch!

Worf: For the love of Kahless...

The opium den in the bridge got a little out of hand when Data attempted to get high.

Data: Geordi, do you think this link up can help my... er... physical disfunction.
Geordi: I dunno Data, maybe doctor Soong always designed it to go soft.
Data: Well then, I'm just going to have to kill that s o b.

Picard: Number one, have you been stealing my pot again?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win!

Q: "Bet you'll never choose 'Dare' again!"

Picard: "Ah, thank you for coming, Number One! I thought you might like to see some of these wonderful new decor items I've added to my Amway line!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Sometimes Worf's B.O. could be a little overpowering.

Worf learned the hard way not to sit in the first few rows at a Gallagher show without wearing a poncho.

 

[Isis]

Worf: "I am not a merry man!"

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the win.

Data: I can now access your library.
...
Geordi...
LaForge: Yeah, Data?
Data: You seem to listen to an awful lot of pop music written for teenage girls.

(Riker walks in)
Picard, to object: -my love is a fever! Longing still for that which longer nurseths the diease --
(Beat)
(Riker walks out.)

When Patrick Stewart initially approached the role of Captain Picard, he took the character's French background seriously. The chain-smoking make it difficult to keep extras, though.

 

[Mistral]

Not one study done, even into the 24th Century, had assigned any link between smoking pot and dangerous navigating.

"...and his frown can cause an opponent's head to explode. He is...the most interesting Klingon in the galaxy."

 

[Mistral]

The Blowjob Steerage System was only popular with a small percentage of the crew...

 

[Vassa]

Q:
"I was having fun with this Jean-Luc but your crew is about to slam a Neutron Star into a Black Hole trying to get me to knock it off, so anyway I better stop.

But I thought I should let you know, I've been replacing your normal uniform with lacy underwear and fishnet stockings for the last 3 months and not letting anyone tell you what was happening."

Ok, that's the last of it Number One. Let's get the hell out of here before they notice!