TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different...

[LeadHead]

Good Saturday to everyone, it is time for our Guest Judge Skywalker / Lord Vader to give us some winners!

First up to the plate we have the "Parting Gifts" Award going to:

Picard, musing: Why did Jellico draw constellations on my celestial globe? And why do they all look like...(tilts head) ..oh. Penises. Very mature, Eddie.

Next, we have the "Extreme Sports" Award, going to:

Worf: "He was at it for hours and then just seized up."
Riker (OS): "What was he doing?"
Worf: "Twister. By himself."

Next, we have the "So THAT'S why he transferred..." Award, goes to:

LaForge: Chief - the warranty expired yesterday! I'm sure as hell not gonna pay to have this thing repaired. Who signed this out, anyway?

O'Brien: Umm....about that transfer to DS9 I submitted the other day...

Next, we have the "Walter Cronkite" Award goes to:

TROI:And now over to Data for the weather.

DATA: All decks are set for Earth normal. Back to you Deanna.

RIKER: We might want to rethink the format of the ship newscast, sir.

Next, we have the "Self Improvement" Award, going to:

Barclay: "Oh, yes, Commander, my confidence and self-esteem have improved by leaps and bounds! In fact, watch this! I'm going to arrange an impromptu 'booty call' with Counselor Troi!"

Our Photoshop Award goes to:

First Officer's Log, Supplemental: I have discovered the cause of the computer malfunctions that have left us stranded. Barclay and Wesley have been using the Enterprise's computers to run a galaxy wide RPG based on an early 21st century work known as "Horizon." This RPG appears to be... fully interactive.

WORF: I'll be in my bunk.

Congrats to all of our winners and thank you to everyone who participated!

Great winners, thanks for doing a great job, Skywalker!

This contest, we'll be taking a brief break from our Guest Judges, but for no other reason that I didn't have the chance to get in touch with our next 2 Guest judges to get that in place for this one. Sorry, guys! Watch for my PM any minute now! I intend to get us back with our guest judges starting next week.

In any case, here's our new contest:

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

Data: Hi mom!

Deanna: No, Data. I'm not interested in the multiple Techniques.

Riker: .... And then, she just broke up with me!

Picard: (thinking) I can't wait for Counselor Troi to get back from vacation.

Troi: (off screen) Very Funny, O'Brien, now beam up my clothes.

Data: Sensors detect nothing of interest nearby.

Riker: Should we tell the crew?

Picard: No, the ship is already boring enough this week. Just go to Red Alert. Maybe something interesting will happen.

 

[Mojochi]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

Data: This is the cleanest window I've ever seen!

Ever since the "Waking dreams" event, Troi would periodically frisk Data for any potential stabbing tools

Riker: There's NOTHING there! There's NEVER anything there! It's dead space! WTF are you looking at?

Data: I don't get it. What's wrong with Ensign Ro being the only away team member with a red uniform?

Data: If I were human, I imagine I would be rather embarrassed if I were one of the ship's command officers & had to have their 3rd in command save their ass every week

Picard: Ha ha... Seriously, what have you got?

 

[SilentP]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

Riker: Here's the report on...hey, where'd my PADD go?
Picard: Oh sure, your PADD mysteriously disappeared again? Really you've got to come up with a better excuse for why your reports are late.

Data: Geordi...I don't understand the humour in transporting PADDs directly out of people's hands.
Geordi: We'll work on explaining that later.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

Riker: "All these years, Deanna and I could have been so happy together. But I repeatedly pushed her away to concentrate on my career instead."
Picard: "And then, after all that, it turns out you're too chicken-shit to accept your own command anyway!"
Riker: "Would that be irony?"

Data: "Apparently, Dr. Soong included a spontaneous erection sub-routine in my programming, subject to activation at inopportune and embarrassing times."
Riker: "Welcome to the club, Bub."
Picard: "Indeed. I often get a woody whenever Dr. Crusher is around."

 

[Holdfast]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

By the 24th Century, all mimes were finally transported to the Hell they deserved.

TROI: Data, it's OK. Full functionality is lost in 40% of all androids over 40.

RIKER: ... so she rolled over and it was this big. I had it in my hand, and then...
PICARD: Number One, much as I enjoy hearing tales of your holidays on Risa, don't you have work to do?

DATA: No redshirt on this mission, Geordi?
LA FORGE: No... but we have Worf.
BOTH NOD, GRINNING

RIKER: They are getting firmer, aren't they?

 

[Dr. Crusher]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

Data was forced to move out of his old neighborhood after he refused to return the blue ball the kids knocked into his window. He was reputed to have said "Na-Na-Na-Boo-Boo."

Troi: "No, Data, I wouldn't suggest Mr. Mott's extensive eyebrow wax for you."

Riker: "Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well..."
Picard: "Again, with more feeling..."
Although he was never satisifed with the amount of romance for the captain, Patrick Stewart was somewhat appeased by the studio's insistance that a Shakespearian line appear at random in each episode.

A scene from the 24th century version of Sesame Street.
Cue music, "One of these things is not like the others..."

Picard: Is it dangerous?
Data: It could be, Captain.
Riker: Do I get to say "Red Alert?"

 

[Finn]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

Picard: sigh...did you really think I wouldn't notice? I mean the tank is right there...

Riker: I don't know. Wesley did something to the saltwater filtration system the other day. I just forgot Data put Spot in here since his quarters was being treated for Talarian roaches.

 

[Mysterion]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

Thanks for the win!

RIKER: Like have you ever... I mean have you ever just really looked at your hand...you know... really looked at it, I mean? It....it just really proves like there's a...god, man!

PICARD: Um, yes, of course. That's just...groovy, Will. (thinking) Gonna need Tasha to give another one of her patented anti-dug speeches...

 

[Finn]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

Thanks for the win!

RIKER: Like have you ever... I mean have you ever just really looked at your hand...you know... really looked at it, I mean? It....it just really proves like there's a...god, man!

PICARD: Um, yes, of course. That's just...groovy, Will. (thinking) Gonna need Tasha to give another one of her patented anti-dug speeches...

Lwaxanna: *telepathically* she's dead, Jean-Luc

 

[Isis]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

After the poor turnout, Spiner stopped doing conventions.

Troi: "Don't worry, Data, it happens to all men at one time or another."

Data: "But not right after you've had fresh batteries put in."

You know you're having a bad day when even "tell it to the hand" doesn't work.

Data always hated when it was time to take new photos for the Enterprise yearbook.

Picard: "I realize you're studying human mannerisms, but the hand-kiss to greet Commander Riker was a bit much. A simple 'yo" would have been adequate."

 

[TigerOfDarkness]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

Riker: Red eight on the black nine
Data: Please commander, I was hoping to complete the game myself
Picard: That two can go on the ace
Data: I believe I am experiencing what Worf would refer to as the urge to kill you where you stand.

 

[Mysterion]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

Lwaxanna: *telepathically* she's dead, Jean-Luc

Never let the facts get in the way of a good joke.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

Data: "Wait, where are you going? I was gonna make espresso..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

DATA: Good bye, Frodo! I hope you and Sam have a fun trip!!!

TROI: Stop trying to look down my top!

DATA: Sorry, I shall disengage my Smarmy Letch Sub-routine.

RIKER: So how does this thing on your desk work? I don't see a keyboard or any sort of controls.

GEORDI: If this was TOS, one of us would be dead by now.

O'BRIEN (nervously) Yeah.

DATA: Its a nipple, not a volume control, Commander!

 

[JarodRussell]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

Picard: Mr. Data, what do you feel?
Data: Because I have had little experience with emotion I am unable to ...articulate the sensation.
Riker: It totally looks like you hated it.
Date: Yes! That is it! I hated it!
Troi: More?
Data: Please.

 

[Finn]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

Lwaxanna: *telepathically* she's dead, Jean-Luc

Never let the facts get in the way of a good joke.

President Red Foreman: That's a joke too, dumbass

 

[Mysterion]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

Lwaxanna: *telepathically* she's dead, Jean-Luc

Never let the facts get in the way of a good joke.

President Red Foreman: That's a joke too, dumbass

Fair 'nuff.

 

[Gary7]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

Thanks for the win, Evil Lincoln!

Data: (singing) "You say goodbye, and I say hello. Hello, hello! I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello. Hello, hell--"
Picard (OS): "Data! Enough already, I'm getting a headache."
Data: "Sorry sir, just trying out my new singing algorithm."

Deanna: (singing) "Have I told you, lately, that I love you?"
Data: "Will we be copulating soon then?"

Riker: "You know what you're missing in your office, sir? A baseball. Something to wrap your hand around and squeeze."
Picard: "You're welcome to do that with your own balls, Number One."

LaForge: "See? What'd I tell you."
Data: "You reprogrammed the transporter to exclude the rematerialization of clothing. For females only, apparently."
Worf: "Excellent!"
O'Brien: (thinking) Good thing Keiko is coming back by shuttle...

Picard: "Damned subspace static! Data, can you make out who's winning?"
Data: "I believe the Texas Rangers are ahead. They may indeed beat the Yankees again, for the 115th time."
Riker: "Awesome."
Picard: "Damned it all to bloody hell!"

 

[Gary7]

Re: TNG Caption This #235: And now for something completely different.

Riker: "What is it?"
Picard: "Oh, just something I found on my last shore leave, in a deep archaeological mine. It's rumored to help you find precious metals, but I highly doubt it."