TNG Caption This #229: Explainabragging

[Ziriath]

RIKER: Your capsule with yearly dose of vitamines and important minerals, Wesley. Swallow it whole. Now.

 

[Isis]

When things got slow on the Enterprise, Riker started (and proved to be a skilled conductor of) an armpit fart band.

 

[T'Girl]

RIKER: Your capsule with yearly dose of vitamines and important minerals, Wesley. Swallow it whole. Now.

Wesley: "I can't swallow that."

Riker: "My mistake Wes, it's actually a suppository."

 

[Gary7]

Riker: "Mr. Worf, I appreciate your interest in nature, but don't you think this Talarian beehive is just a bit dangerous to have around?"
Worf (OS): "It's perfectly fine commander, as long as you don't go poking your fingers in the holes. And I see you already did that with your right hand. Don't worry, the sting will paralyze you only temporarily... for a few weeks."

 

[Gary7]

Wesley (OS): "Commander Riker, I'm already a teenager and I don't fall for that 'pull my finger' prank!"

 

[Isis]

Auctioneer (OS): "Going...going...and this beautiful sculpture is sold for three hundred quatloos to the clean shaven gentleman in the Starfleet uniform."

Riker (frowning): "Me?"

Data (OS): "It appears, Sir, that an auction is not the best venue in which to give me 'how to look awesome' lessons."

 

[BriGuy]

Crusher: Well, Worf, you were right about one thing... you most certainly are not a man.

 

[BriGuy]

Riker: Hey, babe, keep up the good work, and you'll only have to sleep with me for a week to get that junior grade promotion.

 

[BriGuy]

Data: I believe Ceti Alpha VI has exploded, sir.

Picard: Nah, couldn't possibly have...

Yes, Starfleet captains really are that dense...

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "My Romulan is a bit rusty. Perhaps I used the wrong word."

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Picard: "Jolan Tru, bitches. Where all da wimmen at?"

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Picard: The trick Mr Data is not to move, just sit in the middle of the asteroid field, swivel and fire.

On his return to the Enterprise, engineer Scott put the Captain down in what appeared to be the Romulan's cargo bay.

 

[Isis]

Romulan on left: "We run a class outfit here at the Stinking Gorn. Didn't you see the 'Jackets Required' sign."

 

[Mistral]

Picard: I'm going in closer to one of the big ones.

Troi: Closer?

Data: Closer?!

Riker growls.

Worf(looking at Riker) : "Isn't that my line?"

 

[Fang66]

Riker: Pull my finger.

Picard: You'll have to shoot me before I'll put on one of those stupid toupées.

 

[BriGuy]

Picard: "Jolan Tru, bitches. Where all da wimmen at?"

Romulan: There's one right behind you.

Picard: Wha... no... really? You shittin' me man, you gotta be.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Picard: (Thinking) These clowns look like bad 20th century poseable toys with Kung Fu Grip.

Wes:(thinking) "Oh Ensign Lefler, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your hands around my.."

Geordi "Let me see, let me see!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

While Picard's three captors seemed confident, for some reason Picard wasn't worried.

 

[Vassa]

Psst, Deanna come here! I have a new toy I want to show you.

Tell that P'tak son of yours I was NOT amused!

Fine! You've glued my feet to the deck. I still won't tell you the access codes to the Enterprise.

Riker(OS):Bomp bomp a bomp bomp a bomp ahh bomp bomp a bomp bomp ahh bomp bomp a bomp

Geordi; dodado a dodo doa ahh doa do doa do doa do doot doot doa do doa do doot doot

Wesley:Not helping!

Data: Oh good grief!
Picard: What is it Data? Incoming asteroid?!?
Data: No! I just can not believe how fake that looks!

 

[Isis]

LaForge (to self): "Babysitting Wesley is a great gig. My visor lets me see through skin and bone, and he has no brain tissue, so I can watch whatever he's watching."

<brief pause>

LaForge (to self): "Of course, the down side is that all he ever watches is 'Jersey Shore.'"