TNG Caption This #203: 24th Century Hijinks

[LeadHead]

Happy Friday to all, hope your weeks went well. We had a great week here so now lets get a status report...

Okay, starting off, the "Bones" Award goes to...

Worf: He's dead, Jim.
Picard: ....?

Next, the "SNL, I'm a Doctor not a Tailor Damnit!" Award goes to:

Picard: Prepare for evasive action. Helm hard to port!

[everyone leans to the right]

Picard: Hard to starboard!

[everyone leans to the left]

Picard: Hard to port!

[everyone leans to the right]

Riker: Frankly Captain, I'm exhausted.

Picard: Me too.

Next, the "Variations on a Pun" award goes to:

Beverly was tired of discussions where everyone could see exactly what was on Data's mind.


OR

Beverly usually liked it if someone had an open mind, but this was ridiculous.

Next, the "Oooops" Award goes to:

PICARD: Captains log, make sure that the crew knows that all staff meetings are manditory.

Next, the "Greg Proops: I like the Nightlife, I like to Boogie" award goes to:

Riker: The Captain sent me. I know how you love being the life of the parties here on the Enterprise, but the man gotta sleep.

Our "Greendale Community College" Award goes to:

Barnes: Wasn't Reading Rainbow cancelled years ago?
Burton: Shut up and read. I was on Roots too, Damn it!

Our photoshop award goes to:

Two-part entry...

Picard: "Finally, alone at last!"

Lwaxana: "Hello, darling!"
Picard: *sigh*

And...

Worf: I said 'fun,' not 'stun!'

Ensign Jenkins (OS): Sorry sir.

And now, lets get started with our next round...

Off we go!

 

[LeadHead]

Riker: We know you were there!

La Forge: In Engineering? Duh, I work there.

Worf: I knew I should have run the interrogations...

Riker was amused at the number of "Bulge" jokes on Tasha in the last caption contest.

Gowron: My name is Indigo Montoya, you killed my father. Prepare to- WHOA! Maybe not!

Riker: And as you can see, Data is clearly not PC compatible.

Crusher: Super Crusher to the rescue!

Falling victim beams out

Crusher: Hey!

O'Brien: Super O'Brien wins!

 

[Subcommander R.]

And with great excitement the Enterprise crew waited to see who would be on the next 'Dancing With the Stars.'

Picard: Numbah One, what's so funny? I simply said 'women's rights.'

Tasha: Hey, I'm wearing pants and I dare you to try pinching.

Worf: No! It could be some kind of trick!

Gowron: But it promises free tickets for the next Justin Bieber concert!

Riker: Geordi! Thank god you're here, I can't find his USB port!

Beverly's attempt at 'land-surfing' ended in several broken bones and losing a bet with Deanna.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Mr. Neelix, I agreed to interview you as a possible new member of our crew as a favor to my good friend Kathryn Janeway. But friendship can only be stretched so far!"

Worf: "The humans call this a 'wedgie'! Effective, isn't it!"

Riker: "I'd like to suggest a compromise. Rather than tarnish Mr. Data's otherwise spotless record with a sexual harassment charge, how about we just take the hand that did all the pinching away from him for a month?"

 

[Holdfast]

"Curse you Gowron, you WILL take your radio-iodine!"





(thowing one out to the medically-inclined trekkies out there. )

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Riker: "That's not good enough, Berman. Tell us why you really fired Ron Jones."

The writers and producers were surprised to find that even the cast didn't find the Ferengi to be a credible threat.

Gowron: "You're in my bubble, bro."

Riker: "Well then, allow me to prove to the court that androids have rights. Data, lend me a hand, will you?"

Riker chuckles. Nobody else is amused.

Crusher: "Must... find... 4G reception."

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the double win!

Gorwon: Why do I have the feeling you will be the death of me.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Riker: "Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to be awed and amazed, as I bash Data to bits with his own arm."

 

[Skywalker]

Thanks for the win!

Denise Crosby: "Good news, everyone! I'm leaving the show to focus on my big Hollywood career! What's so funny, Jonathan?"

Gowron: "Thermometer goes WHERE?!"

 

[Finn]

Data: (thinking) Perhaps I should not mention that I was....thinking about Tasha half an hour ago....

 

[ToMaHaKeR]

Gowron: ''WHO ACTIVATED THE GOD MODE IN THE HOLODECK?!''

Picard: ''Computer, secure connection to ufp://net.youtube.org. Authorization Picard Alpha Six.''
(on-screen movie): -We have no captain and no first officer to replace them. -Yeah, we do.
(Worf smashes the screen into thousand shreds)

Riker: ''Honestly sir, I didn't know that the self-arousal routines were installed into our operations officer's memory banks. As you can see, the hand is in position #493, indicating...''

 

[Capt_Pickirk]

Riker: Behold!! The hand shaped vibrator!!

Troi: Ha! It'll never catch on!!




Several years later

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Dammit, who would release a sex tape of Vash and myself.....Q!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAR: It wasn't a fart!!!!!!

GOWRON: Just remember what happened to the last guy who gave me a bad haircut!

RIKER: Data would give an arm and a leg for this ship!

Women's hygiene product commercials never make sense.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Bridge crew is watching you mastubate.

Riker: Now THIS is a hand job!!

Klingon hand job.

 

[LeadHead]

RIKER: Data would give an arm and a leg for this ship!

Picard: Sold!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Worf: You rule without honor, Gowron! I challenge you! Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body!

 

[Smellincoffee]

Worf: Now you shall learn the meaning of a KLINGON promotion!

Riker: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, THIS is a positronic arm!
Worf, OS: Very astute.

Riker: How can an android such as Mr. Data, who can so easily be disassembled, be a threat to the Enterprise and her crew?
Data: As you can see, it is easy to render me 'armless.
(Jury groans)
Riker: ...I concede the case.

Reactions were mixed when the universal translator began converting every metaphor into crude sexual euphemisms.

 

[Kirby]

Gowron: Today is a good day for a prostate exam!

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Worf: KLINGON muthafucka, do you speak it?!?!?!?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Yar: You canNOT be serious...

Riker: (laughs) Yeah, I know. The Cubs in the World Series?