TNG Caption This #140 - "Creative Flaws"

[Shatmandu]

Data: "It is a primitive sexual device: you insert your penis into the end of the tubular section and simulate intercourse, pulling the activating mechanism, or 'trigger,' at the moment of climax."
Picard, to himself: "Doctor Soong was one crazy bastard ..."

 

[cooleddie74]

"You first, Mister Data.

The one who survives gets Spot."

 

[Rat Boy]

Data (singing): "Johnny's got a gun!"

Whoopi: "Hasselbeck's coming over for dinner. This is only way I can stand listening to that white bitch whine."

 

[Turbo]

Guinan and Picard were ecstatic upon realizing that they had discovered the secret formula to making cultcross update the caption contest on a regular schedule.

 

[Jenee]

Picard: So, what have you got to munch on in here?

Guinan: Oh, you've got to try this. This is the best stuff. I hope I don't mess it up, I am sooo stoned.

 

[cooleddie74]

DATA:"I assume, then, that the ship's rat problem is MUCH worse than Chief O'Brien or Commander LaForge insinuated?"

"Does it really take THIS many urine samples to determine if an el-Aurian is diabetic, Guinan?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Guinan: "Shhhhhhhhhhh! I'm on the verge of finally figuring out the Colonel's eleven herbs and spices."

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Data: Surely there must be a better way to figure out who will listen in on Commander Riker's jazz practice sessions than the old Earth style of Russian Roulette.

"Ah, Guinan, there you are. Dr. Crusher informed me that through some sort of delivery mix-up, my sperm sample ended up down here in Ten-Forward instead of Sickbay. Well. It appears my trip down here was for naught and that I must work up another batch."

 

[Triskelion]

So you weren't happy to see me.

- Scotch and soda, Guinan. I didn't ask for some fubar alien concoction.
- Look Captain, Starfleet forced me to get this mixology certificate and now you're going to suck it down and like it.

 

[cooleddie74]

"Mister Data...

I'm going into Holodeck Two to seduce Ambassador Troi and bring her out of her Betazoid menopausal disease...if I'm not out in ten minutes, come in and shoot me with this."

PICARD:"If you want to MASTER the ancient human art, Guinan, you'll need to crash through a bulkhead carrying those and go 'Ohhhhh, YEAH!' "

 

[cultcross]

Guinan and Picard were ecstatic upon realizing that they had discovered the secret formula to making cultcross update the caption contest on a regular schedule.

I'd say it didn't work.

New pics will be up tomorrow (I've been away)

 

[cooleddie74]

PICARD:"Let me guess, Guinan...

Mr. Clemens got you hooked on liquified opiates?"

 

[cultcross]

And we're done....

 

[Triskelion]

Um...
what happened to the pics?

 

[cultcross]

Um...
what happened to the pics?

 

[cooleddie74]

"Not too much, Guinan.

Flavor-Aid always makes me piss like a racehorse."

 

[Gil T.Azell]

It a little late , but what the hey...
Data: "No Sir, Like Me this only shoot blanks"
Picard: (thinking) TMI Mr. Data, TMI

 

[Triskelion]

Mr Data, do you remember when I said that France was the seat of civilization and you attempted to correct me, before Commander Riker came to your aid by telling you to shut your blowhole?

Yes sir. My record of those events is quite clear in recollection. But he did not say anything about a blowhole -

Yes, Data. Well, I'm going to shoot you now.

Yes sir.

There, that wasn't so uncivilized, was it?

No sir. Sir, the safety is still on.

Oh, thank you. That's very helpful. Au revoir, clockboy.

 

[Tan Ru]

You see Mr. Data, when an individual Borg uses its protective shields to stop our phaser beams we quickly turn to a Colt .45 SAA and knock it on its ass. Simple 'huh? I don't know why we didn't think of it before!!