TNG Caption This #140 - "Creative Flaws"
- Thread starter cultcross
- Start date
I almost died laughing at this one! Great stuff.
Guinan: Captain, when you get a moment, could you replicate a set of bottle brushes for me? Extra large, please.
- Mr Data, do you remember what I said would happen if you gave me a time estimate to the millisecond again?
- Yes sir. You said you would shoot me with a lead bullet.
- And what did you do not one minute later?
- Sir, it was 64 seconds later.
- Yes. Well. You see my dilemma, don't you.
- Yes sir. Do you intend to carry out the aforementioned condition, Captain.
- Well, I don't see as how I've much choice. Do you? I mean, what would you have me do?
- You must carry out your promise, sir. One must maintain credibility in one's command. I must say though that this is unfortunate for me that you found a pistola thirty point nine seconds after I called your bluff.
- Indeed it is, Data. So. Ready?
- I suppose I am Sir.
- Alright, give me the bullet.
- Here you are sir.
- L'intelligence artificielle mon derriere français.
...So then I put a cap in his ass and made him pilot the shuttle with one cheek!
Data: Why are you holding it like that?
Picard: I've got a feeling Wesley's been playing with it...
Data: He's currently asleep in his quarters, sir.
Picard: I like the cut of your jib, let's go.
Data: LOCK N LOAD!!!""!12!"£
Guinan: ...and this one is the one they used in Two Girls, One Cup
Picard: Marvellous!
PICARD:"Early twentieth century. Possibly late nineteenth. From the Colt company in the United States of America."
DATA:"Shall we say we didn't find it...then sell it to a Ferengi merchant on Risa or Deep Space 9 for beer money?"
PICARD:"You sly minx, Guinan...
You remembered its my birthday...AND that I have an addiction to drinking windshield wiper fluids!"
GUINAN:"See, Jean-Luc, the key ingredient is remembering when to add the blood of the young runaway..."
PICARD: I used to be all thumbs ... until I SHOT OFF MY THUMB!!!
Data: It's ... it's still wiggling ... on the ground sir.
PICARD:"Ummm...when I said I've like to sink my mouth into some Tang?
I didn't mean...
Oh, nevermind."
DATA:"Perhaps you should wipe your fingerprints off of it...before you end up behind a force field being traded for carcinogenic deathsticks."
All Seeing Eye
Admiral
Picard: Are you sure it's a musical flute Mr Data.
Data: I believe so captain, i'm rarely wrong.
Picard: and you say this lever here alters the notes.
Data: I believe so Captain.
Picard: very well, I shall put it to my mouth and blow a few notes.
Picard: I never had you down as an aromatherapist.
Guinan: I've lived so long i'm a master at many arts. Now here try this, it's the excretions from the Marabelian mountain frogs rectal gland. It should help you sleep.
PICARD: Fascinating! Mr. Data, this is an old telephone. People from the 20th and 21st centuries would use this device to communicate. You would place this part to your ear and this part to your mouth. Then you'd press down on this leeever and BLAM!!!
... </p> DATA: ... Wrong number, sir?
Tea, Earl Grey, hot.
Price you name.
What?
Nothing.
It's a nug, sir.
Data, I believe you mean gun.
No sir. It's a nug. It says so clearly in my file.
There's no such thing as a nug, Data. Your file is misspelled.
You are mentally unbalanced sir. I will have to assume command.
Brandishing nug: There are four lights!
"Fascinating, Guinan...
I never knew you were THIS skilled in the art of urine condensation and filtering."
PICARD:"Hold onto this, Mister Data.
I have the sneaking suspicion that I'm going to NEED it during Commander Riker's next trombone recital in Ten Forward."
PICARD: "My heart is ... beating, my heart is beating, my hands are shaking ... my hands are shaking, ... but i am ... still shooting..." Data?
DATA: Keep reading the inscription, sir.
PICARD: "...It's like boom headshot, boom headshot, ... boom headshot, boom headshot."
DATA: Happy birthday sir.
PICARD:
Thanks?