Just wondering if anyone here has any advice--books, websites, boot camps, etc.
HEY THANKS
HEY THANKS
Tips for handling social anxiety/utter lack of charisma?
- Thread starter doublegoodprole
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Keep practicing
Secrete a video camera or camera phone and record yourself interacting .. believe me your self image is so different to what others see
Secrete a video camera or camera phone and record yourself interacting .. believe me your self image is so different to what others see
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Amaris
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I took a speech class to help overcome my reticence for public speaking. I got a C in the class, but it worked (I got a C because I never had written work, I always memorized what I was going to say or said it extemporaneously). Also, start speaking to yourself in a mirror. Notice your facial expressions, listen to your tone of voice and see how well it matches those expressions. Adjust accordingly.
Another possibility is to improve your self confidence. I like to think about it this way: Many people pretend to be confident, they pretend to be competent in their jobs, in their love lives, and when it all comes down to it, they aren't any more or less human than you are. They will make mistakes, and they will often feel embarrassed about those mistakes. Be comfortable with yourself, with your humanity. Relax, realize that you will make mistakes, and that you can try again and again as long as you are willing to give it the chance.
I have some social anxiety as well, but I've been forced into so many social situations for so long that it's become familar. Still uncomfortable but familiar. I don't know exactly how your anxiety manifests, but try to keep putting yourself in situations.
Maybe strike up small talk with people in your daily life? Nothing big, just exchange pleasantries with the person who serves you coffee, or whatever.
Maybe strike up small talk with people in your daily life? Nothing big, just exchange pleasantries with the person who serves you coffee, or whatever.
My advice? Don't give a shit. Be natural. The anxiety comes because you worry about screwing up and making a fool of yourself. Well, we're all gonna do that, so just don't even care. Works very well with girls, too, because it's easy to confuse not giving a shit with actual confidence. They look very similar.
It's late and I'm not feeling very filtered right now. I might have something more sensible to say in the morning.
It's late and I'm not feeling very filtered right now. I might have something more sensible to say in the morning.
No, I think you're right on the money. Nobody is perfect. You're going to occasionally make an ass of yourself. The best way to not let it bother you is to own up to it publicly. If you do something stupid, you do something stupid. Admit it, laugh it off, and move on. I promise nobody cares as much as you do. Embarrassment isn't worth your time.
Damn it.
I had social anxiety but I cured it .. with my mind.
Fake it. That might sound glib, but it isn't supposed to be. In social situations I just pretend. I pretend to be happy to be there, happy to be social, happy to be chatting about this and that, happy to be engaging and outgoing. Inside I'm counting down the minutes til I can get home again. Yesterday I received an invitation to drinks. Woke up 3 times during the night worrying about it. Tonight after work, I'll walk into the pub and fake it for a couple of hours.
This works for me, really it is just acting. You don't have to behave in some extraordinary fashion, just imagine what a self-confident you might feel like and act like then do that.
I have social anxiety that ranges from moderate to moderately severe so I don't know if that makes me totally qualified or totally unqualified to give you any advice. Probably the best thing I am learning right now is don't wait for your anxiety to go away before you do what you want to. Anxiety never really goes away. It's a hideous cliche but the phrase "just do it" really is good advice. Don't put your life on hold waiting for the magic day when you are anxiety free.
Ironically being yourself may not always be the best advice because a lot of people with social anxiety genuinely lack certain social skills so being themselves sometimes means they are being socially inept. In that case it might be good to find safe environments where you can practice social situations and get feedback on them.
Ironically being yourself may not always be the best advice because a lot of people with social anxiety genuinely lack certain social skills so being themselves sometimes means they are being socially inept. In that case it might be good to find safe environments where you can practice social situations and get feedback on them.
ouch . . . my glands don't do that . . .
I defeated mine with my fire breathing fists.
If heading into a social situation, first visualize the absolute worst thing that can happen--for example, splitting your pants in front of a bunch of toddlers (
).
Now here's the part that separates people who really have low self-esteem from those who are just pretending--you'll automatically assume that, since you're such a loser, the worst thing is definitely going to happen.
Since it's going to happen anyway, you might as well have some fun before you embarrass yourself. So don't hold back--have a good time.
When it's over, odds are nothing bad happened anyway, and you had a great time.
Strangely enough, this works in lots of situations, from dating to public speaking.
In general, just loosening up and not taking yourself too seriously works wonders.
). Now here's the part that separates people who really have low self-esteem from those who are just pretending--you'll automatically assume that, since you're such a loser, the worst thing is definitely going to happen.
Since it's going to happen anyway, you might as well have some fun before you embarrass yourself. So don't hold back--have a good time.
When it's over, odds are nothing bad happened anyway, and you had a great time.
Strangely enough, this works in lots of situations, from dating to public speaking.
In general, just loosening up and not taking yourself too seriously works wonders.
It seems strange to me that nobody is recommending a trip to the doctor. Social anxiety is a medical problem. When I went to the doctor about it, she described it as a 'chemical imbalance', and that's what it is, at least in my case. My body simply makes too much of the chemicals (like adrenaline) that come with the "flight or fight" process. I'm on something called Propanolol which just slows my heart-rate down so it doesn't start beating a mile a minute in tense situations.
Because of that, none of the other symptoms like trembling, sweating, nausea kick in.
Now obviously, I don't know you so I don't know if your anxiety might be similar to mine, or whether it's more emotionally based, because of events in your past for example. If it were, the doctor can still do other things, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, for example, or antidepressants (they're not just used for depression so don't worry!). I actually tried both and obviously neither had any huge effect because my anxiety is based on 'chemical imbalances', but I can see how useful they would be.
So, yeah, I suffered for years from anxiety, always thinking when I was an 'adult' it wouldn't be a problem any more because I'd be too mature to worry. :P
I really do think going to see the doctor about it would be the best course of action. If you're too anxious to do that, maybe you could write them a note so you don't have to speak, or ask someone else to come along and talk for you?
EDIT: I just realised this may be going slightly off the deep end. Generally you should only see a doctor if your anxiety is causing you to be anxious everyday and causing you significant problems in your day-to-day life and doing everyday tasks. For example, my anxiety made me avoid going into university classes.
Because of that, none of the other symptoms like trembling, sweating, nausea kick in.
Now obviously, I don't know you so I don't know if your anxiety might be similar to mine, or whether it's more emotionally based, because of events in your past for example. If it were, the doctor can still do other things, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, for example, or antidepressants (they're not just used for depression so don't worry!). I actually tried both and obviously neither had any huge effect because my anxiety is based on 'chemical imbalances', but I can see how useful they would be.
So, yeah, I suffered for years from anxiety, always thinking when I was an 'adult' it wouldn't be a problem any more because I'd be too mature to worry. :P
I really do think going to see the doctor about it would be the best course of action. If you're too anxious to do that, maybe you could write them a note so you don't have to speak, or ask someone else to come along and talk for you?
EDIT: I just realised this may be going slightly off the deep end. Generally you should only see a doctor if your anxiety is causing you to be anxious everyday and causing you significant problems in your day-to-day life and doing everyday tasks. For example, my anxiety made me avoid going into university classes.
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