Tips for handling social anxiety/utter lack of charisma?

[Holdfast]

I had social anxiety but I cured it .. with my mind.

This meme will run and run.

 

[Nowhere Man]

I have social anxiety, I even wrote a song about it. I do think fake it, till you make it does work in certain situations. The first time it really started happening really bad was when I was bussing tables in 2003. I was bussing and I was trying to work, but it was crowded and I could hear everyone's conversations. It freaked me out because I was thinking how rude it was to listen to other people's conversations. I started thinking that someone would get mad at me, my thoughts were completely irrational. The walls started closing in and I just was freaking out. I had to go outside and take a breather. It comes and goes, over time I just try to put my mind somewhere else. I don't have it as much as I used too, but I think you just got to put your self around people you feel comfortable with and the more you do it, the easier it gets.

All of that bieng said, if you get too uncomfortable, just walk out of the room and take a breather. When I do that, I just go to the bathroom or go outside and get fresh air. If someone wonders what you are doing and you don't think they will understand, just tell them you don't feel good. Most of the time, if you just explain, they will be ok with it. They may not understand, but they won't kick you out of the room. If they are assholes to you, then screw em'.

As for not having any charisma, I don't believe you have none at all, everyone has some. What I used to do is try to remember a few really good jokes, but that didn't last long because I can't remember jokes. The next thing I did was just become a listener like Guinan and when someone starts talking about something that I might know something about or something relevant to something I read I just try to interject my own thought into the conversation. Other than that, as someone else mentioned, alchohol.

 

[JarodRussell]

Keep practicing

Secrete a video camera or camera phone and record yourself interacting .. believe me your self image is so different to what others see

This seems to be the only useful suggestion in this thread.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

It seems strange to me that nobody is recommending a trip to the doctor. Social anxiety is a medical problem. When I went to the doctor about it, she described it as a 'chemical imbalance', and that's what it is, at least in my case. My body simply makes too much of the chemicals (like adrenaline) that come with the "flight or fight" process. I'm on something called Propanolol which just slows my heart-rate down so it doesn't start beating a mile a minute in tense situations.

Because of that, none of the other symptoms like trembling, sweating, nausea kick in.

Now obviously, I don't know you so I don't know if your anxiety might be similar to mine, or whether it's more emotionally based, because of events in your past for example. If it were, the doctor can still do other things, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, for example, or antidepressants (they're not just used for depression so don't worry!). I actually tried both and obviously neither had any huge effect because my anxiety is based on 'chemical imbalances', but I can see how useful they would be.

So, yeah, I suffered for years from anxiety, always thinking when I was an 'adult' it wouldn't be a problem any more because I'd be too mature to worry. :P

I really do think going to see the doctor about it would be the best course of action. If you're too anxious to do that, maybe you could write them a note so you don't have to speak, or ask someone else to come along and talk for you?

EDIT: I just realised this may be going slightly off the deep end. Generally you should only see a doctor if your anxiety is causing you to be anxious everyday and causing you significant problems in your day-to-day life and doing everyday tasks. For example, my anxiety made me avoid going into university classes.

Propranolol is indeed an effective treatment for some social anxieties, however it is generally used for more specific type phobias like people who have trouble speaking or writing in public. It is part of a class of drugs called Beta-Blockers that are mainly used to treat high-blood pressure and control people's heart rate after heart attacks. Propanolol works especially well controlling the heart rate so it used in anxiety situations. In fact Propranolol has been used very heavily in the entertainment world to cope with stage fright. In what is called generalized social anxiety where someone is anxious in almost all social interactions and they have a lot of psychological factors in their anxiety theyare somewhat less effective.

The most effective medical treatments for generalized social anxiety are

Benzodiazepines(like Valium and Klonopin)- Most effective for controlling anxiety, but doctors are hesitant to prescribe them as they have addictive potential and your body gets used to them requiring higher doses.

MAO Inhibitors(Parnate and Nardil)- The first anti-depressants. Not prescribed much anymore now that newer, safer anti-depressants are on the the market plus there are dietary restrictions on these drugs, but they are actually the most effective drug treatments for general social anxiety.

SSRI's(like Prozac and Zoloft). Mot often prescribed for anxiety today. Not everyone responds, but when they do the results can be startling. Although ironically they reduce your sex drive which may defeat the purpose of being more social in the first place.

Other than that individual psychotherapies like Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy are effective. Or in less severe cases there are even groups where you can work on your social skills.

Of course as Sam I Am said only you can gauge how serious your anxiety is.

 

[Witterquick]

Keep practicing

Secrete a video camera or camera phone and record yourself interacting .. believe me your self image is so different to what others see

This seems to be the only useful suggestion in this thread.

I don't know, I cringe even just listening to my own voice recordings - which had the effect of reducing my confidence. A video recording would kill it.

 

[Captain_Nick]

All the more reason to do it. You must face the reality! It's not about building up your confidence, it's about taking an objective look at yourself and identifying things you can work on. If, indeed, you feel that such action is necessary. I like Robert Maxwell's way of looking at things. Most of the time people are so worried about how they are coming across that they don't notice whether you are acting foolish or not.