Throw things or silence?

[K'Ehleyr]

Throw a fit and FIGHT. Don't be passive-aggressive. If your significant other pisses you off, you tell him why it hurts you and why he is wrong. Hell, do this with everyone you know. It is productive and honest and saves lots of time, drama, and anxiety. If one of my friends is disrespectful or hurts me, they better believe they are going to hear about it. I can think of two people on this forum who can attest to this.

I agree with Sidious who said earlier in the thread that the passive bullshit erodes relationships---it really does. Don't play games like the silent treatment. Be the half-Klingon that you are: bitch him out, threaten him with a bath'leth, but leave him alive to see if he dare says it again

With the conversation this morning now I wish I had ~ and will next time ~ it's just a bit of an effort

 

[RoJoHen]

The question is: Why exactly did he call you a stupid cow?

It's going to sound so stupid and I give you all full permission to laugh...
I do have a very strong relationship with Man and we enjoy at least 10 mins of cuddles before sleep and in the morning.
So this morning, woken early by the cat, we had time to go back to sleep and Man was doing our 'Rock-a-bye-Pilsey' (that's my nickname) song and when he got to 'the cradle will drop Pilsey and all', I cried out ~ I was in his arms and he pretended to drop me, I was half asleep and just yelped.
That's when he told me I was a stupid cow.
OK you are the jury!

I am judging the crap out of both of you.

Honestly, if I had been in your shoes, my immediate response probably would have been, "Go fuck yourself, assface."

 

[Mary Ann]

So I spoke to Man this morning. Explained why I didn't answer his calls last night.
He told me I was over-reacting and should have just punched him.
Be sure that will happen next time ~ actually I have one in lieu.
Also told me it wasn't stupid cow, it was silly cow ~ so that makes it all better
That is all.

Passive-aggressive much? It sounds to me as if he knows very well that he's in the wrong but won't say so out loud.

Use that punch well. You've earned it.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Beat him up. Women are still allowed to hit.

Use that punch well. You've earned it.

So if a guy says something out of line, he deserves to get hit?

 

[Cornholio]

So I spoke to Man this morning. Explained why I didn't answer his calls last night.
He told me I was over-reacting and should have just punched him.
Be sure that will happen next time ~ actually I have one in lieu.
Also told me it wasn't stupid cow, it was silly cow ~ so that makes it all better
That is all.

glad you had the conversation and got things worked out (hopefully).

if somethin' like this happens again, aim that punch at the 'nads!

 

[Goliath]

Use that punch well. You've earned it.

Ah yes, because if a guy says something out of line, he deserves to get hit, right?

Depends on how hard, and where.

A little shot to the shoulder never did anybody any harm.

In fact, I would prefer even a bruising shoulder shot to the silent treatment.

But if it progresses beyond that--yeah, I'm with you.

 

[An Officer]

Sounds like a thoughtless remark that just slipped out unintentionally. Maybe, in his book, it is not offensive, and he has said it before to others and it's been okay. Still, if it's not okay with you, that's no excuse. When he saw you were offended, he should have apologised immediately.

I still think you deserve an apology, and he should be more respectful. Have it out, explain that you're hurt, and you need him to show some remorse. Otherwise, you might still be resentful in weeks to come! And that's not good for him or you. And hey, sweethearts are never cows, especially when you are expressing affection! And no gentleman would say that in such a situation!

Was there drink involved? If so, I would just forget about it - people say all kinds of inappropriate things they don't really mean when they're sozzled and judgement has gone out of the window, especially if there's horseplay, as you mentioned. If that's the case, I wouldn't take it personally.

 

[Mary Ann]

Use that punch well. You've earned it.

Ah yes, because if a guy says something out of line, he deserves to get hit, right?

A little shot to the shoulder never did anybody any harm.

Nope, no one deserves a hit, but a little shoulder punch to catch his attention does no harm. Seriously, I've had to do this to my husband a few times to get his attention, but that may have to do with being married for almost 15 years.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^ So what do we guys use? Obviously we shouldn't even do a shoulder punch to the woman. (I wouldn't, at any rate.) So what's left? Spitballs?

 

[Goliath]

When we get punched in the shoulder, we get to complain jokingly about partner abuse, while secretly feeling that our masculinity has been validated by our ability to "take the pain."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Well, obviously K would never actually hurt Man (I love how she uses words like that, BTW ). But I can understand why she's a bit cheesed off at what he said. Even if what he said was unintentional/accidental on Man's part (God knows I've said things I don't mean, and most of the rest of us have as well).

Although I must admit 'silly' sounds a lot less offensive than 'stupid'.

 

[Goliath]

But I can understand why she's a bit cheesed off at what he said. Even if what he said was unintentional/accidental on Man's part (God knows I've said things I don't mean, and most of the rest of us have as well).

That's one reason why I prefer getting punched to the silent treatment. I am much more likely to say something careless or thoughtless than something malicious.

Ideally, it should work something like this:

Me: Silly cow!
She: Hey! (punches me)
Me: Ow!
She: Don't call me a 'cow.' That isn't funny. It hurts my feelings.
Me: Well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. Now that I know how you feel, I won't do it again.
She: You'd better not.
Me: (rubbing shoulder) Where's that domestic violence hotline number?
She: Oh, boo-hoo.
Me: (chortles)

 

[K'Ehleyr]

The question is: Why exactly did he call you a stupid cow?

It's going to sound so stupid and I give you all full permission to laugh...
I do have a very strong relationship with Man and we enjoy at least 10 mins of cuddles before sleep and in the morning.
So this morning, woken early by the cat, we had time to go back to sleep and Man was doing our 'Rock-a-bye-Pilsey' (that's my nickname) song and when he got to 'the cradle will drop Pilsey and all', I cried out ~ I was in his arms and he pretended to drop me, I was half asleep and just yelped.
That's when he told me I was a stupid cow.
OK you are the jury!

I am judging the crap out of both of you.

Honestly, if I had been in your shoes, my immediate response probably would have been, "Go fuck yourself, assface."

But that would be rude!

So I spoke to Man this morning. Explained why I didn't answer his calls last night.
He told me I was over-reacting and should have just punched him.
Be sure that will happen next time ~ actually I have one in lieu.
Also told me it wasn't stupid cow, it was silly cow ~ so that makes it all better
That is all.

Passive-aggressive much? It sounds to me as if he knows very well that he's in the wrong but won't say so out loud.

Use that punch well. You've earned it.

When he came round tonight I pinched him meanly on the arm and said 'Never call me a silly cow again'.
I'm a better pincher than a puncher

Beat him up. Women are still allowed to hit.

Use that punch well. You've earned it.

So if a guy says something out of line, he deserves to get hit?

No. But he deserves some kind of punishment and I have found the ultimate ~ I am making him cosy up on the sofa and watch Saturday Night Fever and he did buy me a bottle of gloop

So I spoke to Man this morning. Explained why I didn't answer his calls last night.
He told me I was over-reacting and should have just punched him.
Be sure that will happen next time ~ actually I have one in lieu.
Also told me it wasn't stupid cow, it was silly cow ~ so that makes it all better
That is all.

glad you had the conversation and got things worked out (hopefully).

if somethin' like this happens again, aim that punch at the 'nads!

He is a good guy and thanks, think after the pinch, the gift of gloop and Saturday Night Fever things will be even

Sounds like a thoughtless remark that just slipped out unintentionally. Maybe, in his book, it is not offensive, and he has said it before to others and it's been okay. Still, if it's not okay with you, that's no excuse. When he saw you were offended, he should have apologised immediately.

I still think you deserve an apology, and he should be more respectful. Have it out, explain that you're hurt, and you need him to show some remorse. Otherwise, you might still be resentful in weeks to come! And that's not good for him or you. And hey, sweethearts are never cows, especially when you are expressing affection! And no gentleman would say that in such a situation!

Was there drink involved? If so, I would just forget about it - people say all kinds of inappropriate things they don't really mean when they're sozzled and judgement has gone out of the window, especially if there's horseplay, as you mentioned. If that's the case, I wouldn't take it personally.

Hi daughter No drink involved, on his part at least I am still self medicating back pain with pills and wine ~apparently it's only another 2 weeks and I can class it as 'chronic'! For that will do I do not know.
But all has been resolved

But I can understand why she's a bit cheesed off at what he said. Even if what he said was unintentional/accidental on Man's part (God knows I've said things I don't mean, and most of the rest of us have as well).

That's one reason why I prefer getting punched to the silent treatment. I am much more likely to say something careless or thoughtless than something malicious.

Ideally, it should work something like this:

Me: Silly cow!
She: Hey! (punches me)
Me: Ow!
She: Don't call me a 'cow.' That isn't funny. It hurts my feelings.
Me: Well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. Now that I know how you feel, I won't do it again.
She: You'd better not.
Me: (rubbing shoulder) Where's that domestic violence hotline number?
She: Oh, boo-hoo.
Me: (chortles)

Loving the use of the word 'chortle'.
And actually thinking about it, he does, the PetaQ

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Gloop?

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Well, obviously K would never actually hurt Man (I love how she uses words like that, BTW ). But I can understand why she's a bit cheesed off at what he said. Even if what he said was unintentional/accidental on Man's part (God knows I've said things I don't mean, and most of the rest of us have as well).

Although I must admit 'silly' sounds a lot less offensive than 'stupid'.

Thank you MLB ~ I feel calling him Man is a lot nicer than *******

I'll admit I think I did over-react a bit, I blame it on the pills!

I've also started this 'tic' ~ twitching my mouth to a half way grimace when annoyed or putting a point across ~ what's that about?

Seriously people ~ stay off the drugs!

MLB. Gloop = Baileys. Creamy, dreamy joy in a glass

 

[Yeoman Randi]

K, i hope things are a lot better now. My reaction probably just would have been a big FUCK YOU.

Btw, has anyone not English (and by that i mean American, LOL) ever used that expression? "Stupid cow, silly cow, anykindofcow"? Or heard anyone not English use it?

 

[greenguy]

K, i hope things are a lot better now. My reaction probably just would have been a big FUCK YOU.

Btw, has anyone not English (and by that i mean American, LOL) ever used that expression? "Stupid cow, silly cow, anykindofcow"? Or heard anyone not English use it?

No. I am American and the word "cow" has very little effect on me or other people who are American, I have found. I think if you legit used it as an insult, people would get what you were going for but it would sound a awkward/corny/a bit lost on people here.

 

[Goliath]

I couldn't say how common it is, but it's definitely used as an insult here in Canada.