Thoughts on women proposing to men

[Bry_Sinclair]

Congratulations!

If Americans had the same dating system as the UK I'd recommend January 17th for the big day (17/01)

I keep waiting for the day some lovely chap makes me his husbear.

 

[Sophie74656]

Congratulations!

If Americans had the same dating system as the UK I'd recommend January 17th for the big day (17/01)

I keep waiting for the day some lovely chap makes me his husbear.

Oh yeah that would be the day!

 

[Long Syntax]

No separate accounts here. What's mine is mine and what's his mine too.

My wife says the same thing. I;m starting to wonder if there is a manual or monthly meeting group where these edicts are distributed

 

[Sophie74656]

My wife says the same thing. I;m starting to wonder if there is a manual or monthly meeting group where these edicts are distributed

Um...uh...no....of course not

 

[Random_Spock]

hey guys, so basically he did say yes, but he wants to wait a little bit to actually get married.

Congratulations!

 

[USS Firefly]

No separate accounts here. What's mine is mine and what's his mine too.

I want that too!
How can I get my wife to sign for it?

 

[Refuge]

I want that too!
How can I get my wife to sign for it?

You know I thought it was just the natural flow of things. That we would have a 'household' budget. When we were engaged he was in the Navy and went away for three months and started sending me money! I put it aside as it felt not quite right. As soon as we were married I was into it though

Truth is people often have two different money profiles. Glenn is a spender and I'm a saver. We fit.

 

[rhubarbodendron]

sorry - I only just discovered this thread so please forgive me if I go a bit off-topic regarding the newest posts and return to the original post.
I'm a bit surprised that it appears to still be not normal that either gender can and does propose. After we've fought for equal rights for generations, it seems there are still many barriers in the heads of both men and women.
Personally, I have no prob with proposing to a man or to asking a man out for a date. Nor for paying in the restaurant if I am the one with the larger income. The same goes for all women of my generation among my colleagues and other acquaintances. That's why I had assumed that to be normal, if not all over the world so at least all over the "First World" countries. It's somewhat shocking to discover that apparently that's not (yet) the case.
What are the reasons for people in your respective countries clinging to ancient role-models when it comes to proposing?

 

[Marynator]

I feel a lot has to do with male ego, they don't want to be in a traditional feminine role, because he still feels less than a man if he does something a woman does, and that makes him a lower human being. I feel as far as we'd like to think we've come there's still so much unconscious bias that women are less and if you're a man and you're in a woman's "role" you're inferior, they don't like to admit it but I feel it's true. You still see words used like "emasculated", well think about it what does that word even mean? A man feels like he's been made to be like a woman, and there's not much in his mind that could be worse for him. So we're afraid of making men feel this way, because as progressive as we want to be we still want love and everything you get with it, and we still know right now our position as a woman is to be submissive and skirt around what men really want.

@USS Firefly she'll probably agree pretty easily if you offer to let her have full control of your money.

 

[USS Firefly]

You know I thought it was just the natural flow of things. That we would have a 'household' budget. When we were engaged he was in the Navy and went away for three months and started sending me money! I put it aside as it felt not quite right. As soon as we were married I was into it though

Truth is people often have two different money profiles. Glenn is a spender and I'm a saver. We fit.

Then I will try to get my wife to join the Navy

 

[USS Firefly]

@USS Firefly she'll probably agree pretty easily if you offer to let her have full control of your money.

Haha no I want her money, not the other way arround.
But seriously, I am very happy how it goes now

 

[Jedman67]

We made very sure how the money would be handled. We are both very practical people and not big spenders--although hubby is ridiculously cheap. I'm practical but will spend if I feel it's necessary. He handles the insurance and things that come with his job. I do all the bill-paying, as I'm very good at getting things done on time and hubby--not so much. He handles insurance, the mutual fund, etc. We both have access to check the accounts whenever we want.

We set a $200 rule: if you want to buy something that's $200 or more, you have to discuss it with the other person first. It's worked for us very well.

Hah, I do almost the reverse. We have a checking, savings and paycheck acct, my wife makes me do the bills and stuff since I do bookkeeping for a living (not fair!!!) but she prefers to save and I prefer to spend although I've gotten better.
And my personal quickbooks is over a year overdue to be reconciled. blah

 

[Sophie74656]

I think once we get married we will maintain a similar money arrangement like what we have now. We have a joint account where part of our paychecks get automatically deposited. I use that account to pay rent, bills and buy groceries. I'm also a lot more frugal than he is so I think I'd rather not know how much he spends on his games and stuff

 

[Spot's Meow]

I'm also a lot more frugal than he is so I think I'd rather not know how much he spends on his games and stuff

My husband and are I both pretty frugal, but this is one big benefit to having separate accounts. As long as he has money to pay his share of the living expenses, I don't really care what he does with the rest of it. He earned it, it's his money. Just like I earned my money, so I will spend it how I please. Lately he's been into buying expensive dinosaur figurines. They're cute, but cost way more than I'd be willing to spend. If we pooled all our money and that was coming out of a joint account, I'd be pissed!

 

[Australis]

<Joint account>
<Wife sees money, spends it all>
Me: But what about bills?!
Her: That's your problem.
<separate accounts set up>

She has absolutely no idea how to handle money for both of us.

 

[SPCTRE]

The wife and I did it the traditional way around because we decided we'd like it that way - that being said, I would have found it incredibly romantic if she did the proposing!

re: bank accounts, we both have individual salary accounts (albeit with full bilateral right of attorney) and a joint savings account for emergencies and/or large-ish purchases that we both pay a set amount into each month

 

[Awesome Possum]

I’ve just read through the thread, congrats @Sophie74656!

 

[Sophie74656]

I’ve just read through the thread, congrats @Sophie74656!

Thanks