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The right answers

^ My usual response to"What's up?"

What is "up?" It can be an adverb, adjective or a preposition, depending upon how you use it in a sentence.
 
"Do you need help finding anything, sir?"
NO, JACKASS! IF I WANTED HELP FINDING SOMETHING, I'D ASK FOR IT! DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING CLUE ABOUT HOW ANNOYING IT IS TO HAVE PEOPLE FOLLOWING ME AROUND THE STORE ASKING ME EVERY TEN SECONDS IF I NEED HELP FINDING SOMETHING? IF YOU THINK I'M A SHOPLIFTER, CALL THE POLICE, OTHERWISE SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!
 
"Do you need help finding anything, sir?"
NO, JACKASS! IF I WANTED HELP FINDING SOMETHING, I'D ASK FOR IT! DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING CLUE ABOUT HOW ANNOYING IT IS TO HAVE PEOPLE FOLLOWING ME AROUND THE STORE ASKING ME EVERY TEN SECONDS IF I NEED HELP FINDING SOMETHING? IF YOU THINK I'M A SHOPLIFTER, CALL THE POLICE, OTHERWISE SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!

Some stores (if not most) require their employees to be proactive and approach customers on the floor to see if they need assistance instead of waiting for them to come up to a clerk themselves. Be mad at the policy, if anything, not the clerk, who's probably just doing what it takes to keep his or her job. Though honestly, I don't see why it would make you that mad regardless. Just say "no, thank you" and the interaction is over.

It rarely means they think you're shoplifting, either, though that is one method of dealing with it.
 
May I help you?

No, I'm just standing at this counter with money in my hand because I've forgotten where my pockets are.

(When I was a waitress, my manager used to correct us to say, "HOW may I help you, because, duh.)
 
I've had this at airport departure lounges a few times as I pass the time by knitting:

"Did security let you through with those needles?"

NO. NO, THEY DID NOT. I RAN AND DUCKED AND DOVE AND DID GYMNASTIC FLIPS AND PLANKED AND USED VULCAN NECK PINCHES AND TRANSPORTED AND WHATEVER THE HELL ELSE A SHORT, MIDDLE-AGED, OUT-OF-SHAPE OBESE WOMAN CAN DO TO SNEAK THESE NEEDLES PAST SECURITY BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING MEAN-ASS NINJA!

FFS, I'm usually groped down because the metal in my bra sets off the metal detectors, and my knitting bag, which I remove from my shoulder bag before putting both through the security scanners, always gets searched separately. How do the people who ask me this question manage to tie their own shoe laces without strangling themselves?
 
^ These are the same kind of people who couldn't pour piss out of a boot even if it had instructions on the heel.

I just waited for a chance to say that. :techman:
 
I've had this at airport departure lounges a few times as I pass the time by knitting:

"Did security let you through with those needles?"

NO. NO, THEY DID NOT. I RAN AND DUCKED AND DOVE AND DID GYMNASTIC FLIPS AND PLANKED AND USED VULCAN NECK PINCHES AND TRANSPORTED AND WHATEVER THE HELL ELSE A SHORT, MIDDLE-AGED, OUT-OF-SHAPE OBESE WOMAN CAN DO TO SNEAK THESE NEEDLES PAST SECURITY BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING MEAN-ASS NINJA!

FFS, I'm usually groped down because the metal in my bra sets off the metal detectors, and my knitting bag, which I remove from my shoulder bag before putting both through the security scanners, always gets searched separately. How do the people who ask me this question manage to tie their own shoe laces without strangling themselves?

I was wondering if knitting needles were permitted by TSA rules because the site didn't specifically say no but I have been leaving projects behind just to be safe. Good thing to know for next time.
 
I've had this at airport departure lounges a few times as I pass the time by knitting:

"Did security let you through with those needles?"

NO. NO, THEY DID NOT. I RAN AND DUCKED AND DOVE AND DID GYMNASTIC FLIPS AND PLANKED AND USED VULCAN NECK PINCHES AND TRANSPORTED AND WHATEVER THE HELL ELSE A SHORT, MIDDLE-AGED, OUT-OF-SHAPE OBESE WOMAN CAN DO TO SNEAK THESE NEEDLES PAST SECURITY BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING MEAN-ASS NINJA!

FFS, I'm usually groped down because the metal in my bra sets off the metal detectors, and my knitting bag, which I remove from my shoulder bag before putting both through the security scanners, always gets searched separately. How do the people who ask me this question manage to tie their own shoe laces without strangling themselves?

I was wondering if knitting needles were permitted by TSA rules because the site didn't specifically say no but I have been leaving projects behind just to be safe. Good thing to know for next time.
I've wondered the same about drum sticks. Anyone know?

The reason I ask is because of a previous encounter after Christmas 2003. My son, who was 3 at the time, got a hobby horse (stick with a horse head) for Christmas, and the only way to get it back home was to take it as a carry-on. The whole thing was fabric-covered, and apparently the stick was hollow. Security didn't like that, and refused to let us take it through, even after putting it through the x-ray machine. Can you imagine trying to tell a 3 year old that he has to have his toy taken away, the same one he got for a present and has been clinging to ever since? Yeah, everyone else on that flight wasn't too pleased either, because he was now screaming the entire way home. It didn't help to tell him that my uncle, who was there to see us off, was going to mail it later. All a 3 year old understands is that his toy was taken away. :scream:
 
I RAN AND DUCKED AND DOVE AND DID GYMNASTIC FLIPS AND PLANKED AND USED VULCAN NECK PINCHES AND TRANSPORTED AND WHATEVER THE HELL ELSE

:adore:

You ARE a ninja, mac. We all know it. Be proud!

Although I would hate to be the security goons who tried to take your knitting needles away. You might have had to sit there like this:

[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4Hucp1o8LU[/yt]
 
I've had this at airport departure lounges a few times as I pass the time by knitting:

"Did security let you through with those needles?"

NO. NO, THEY DID NOT. I RAN AND DUCKED AND DOVE AND DID GYMNASTIC FLIPS AND PLANKED AND USED VULCAN NECK PINCHES AND TRANSPORTED AND WHATEVER THE HELL ELSE A SHORT, MIDDLE-AGED, OUT-OF-SHAPE OBESE WOMAN CAN DO TO SNEAK THESE NEEDLES PAST SECURITY BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING MEAN-ASS NINJA!

FFS, I'm usually groped down because the metal in my bra sets off the metal detectors, and my knitting bag, which I remove from my shoulder bag before putting both through the security scanners, always gets searched separately. How do the people who ask me this question manage to tie their own shoe laces without strangling themselves?

I haven't had trouble traveling with my crochet hooks (and sharp little nail scissors) the last few years. I did get mocked for an old Nokia phone I had back around 2005, though. TSA is weird.

Also, it took them a couple years to update the app, but vibrators are now allowed in carry-ons. Yeah, I asked them.
 
Although I would hate to be the security goons who tried to take your knitting needles away. You might have had to sit there like this:

[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4Hucp1o8LU[/yt]

That's exactly what I'd be like. I'd be far more dangerous if you took my pointy sticks away.

Some airlines have differing rules regarding what you can take on board, and it wouldn't surprise me if regulations in the US are a bit more strict than elsewhere. I had wooden knitting needles in my carry-on when I travelled to the US last summer, but I didn't risk having embroidery scissors on me as well. Normally when I travel it's within the EU or between the UK and Canada, and when I flew back on Air Canada last week I had needles, small embroidery scissors and a darning needle in my carry-on, and there were no issues. Scissors are allowed as long is the blade is below a certain size, and embroidery scissors are well below it.
 
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