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The New Dax - Cooperative Writing DISCUSSION

TiberiusMaximus

Fleet Captain
Fleet Captain
This thread is a spinoff of a discussion mostly between ares93, Rush Limborg, and myself in the Deep Space Nine forum (The New Dax). If you've read that thread you'll know one thing led to another and there is talk of a cooperative writing project. This thread is, as Rush said:

Rush Limborg said: a thread, where we, the writers, all chat and update each other on what each of us will write.

We'll need to keep that thread alive as the counterpart to the story thread.

Well, since I started the first thread, I might as well start this one.

So far we know the new Dax is male (right now the name Perjon Dax has the most votes), we know he's world-weary and not living up to his full potential, and we know he's not connected (at the moment) with the friends of his past hosts Jadzia and Ezri. For more ideas, check out the original New Dax thread and go ahead and post your own ideas in there. :)

This is gonna be fun!
 
This thread is a spinoff of a discussion mostly between ares93, Rush Limborg, and myself in the Deep Space Nine forum (The New Dax). If you've read that thread you'll know one thing led to another and there is talk of a cooperative writing project. This thread is, as Rush said:

Rush Limborg said: a thread, where we, the writers, all chat and update each other on what each of us will write.

We'll need to keep that thread alive as the counterpart to the story thread.
Well, since I started the first thread, I might as well start this one.

So far we know the new Dax is male (right now the name Perjon Dax has the most votes), we know he's world-weary and not living up to his full potential, and we know he's not connected (at the moment) with the friends of his past hosts Jadzia and Ezri. For more ideas, check out the original New Dax thread and go ahead and post your own ideas in there. :)

This is gonna be fun!

^ sure thing!

ares93 reporting in as ordered! *stands at attention*

figured i add my idea here too. slightly corrected, but no major work done.

Holding Cell A, Deep Space Nine, Bajor system
0900 hours, station time.


“Get up! All of you!” The security guard barked. In spite of his size, the man could scare a Klingon to silence.

Wielding a phaser rifle, the Saurian positioned himself in the middle of the room. There were five more holding cells, all filled with the troublemakers from the day before yesterday. He slowly sat up holding his abdomen. His cellmate, an Orion male, had been the one who gave him the final knockout and the chief of security had found it interesting to put them in the same holding cell. Thankfully Galrisan was a reasonable man when sober, and he hadn’t finished the job.

It took Perjon a few seconds to gather himself as the guard walked past every single holding cell. Finally giving up, he walked to his office for a padd.

Returning to the brig now wielding a padd instead of a phaser rifle, he asked, “Which one of you is Lieutenant Commander Perjon Dax?”


Perjon slowly stood up, still holding his right hand over his aching abdomen. Barely able to stand after the beating he received from the massive Orion, he approached the barely visible force field. “I am Perjon Dax!” he shouted to the guard.

The security guard slowly approached him. “Ah, I should have known. The wiseguy.” He laughed. “You’re being released into your friend’s custody. Step away from the force field.”

Perjon complied, a few seconds later, after a nod from the Saurian chief of security, a young human ensign dropped the force fields. It flashed brightly before fading from existence and Perjon stepped through. “I was under the impression that the fight last night would keep me in that cell for two more days. What changed?” he asked as they left the brig. Fad'gh didn't deem it worth while to reply. Outside, in the security chief's office, a man was sitting in the chief’s chair. A Vulcan dressed in civvies. Black pants, a yellow shirt and a purple vest. Obviously he had bought his attire on the station. It was, unique. For a lack of a better way of describing it. The man appeared to be someone Chief Fad’gh respected greatly , because he bowed his head slowly and put his right hand to his chest. The traditional Saurian salute. The Vulcan returned it and after a quick nod, Chief Fad’gh left.

The Vulcan looked up at Perjon. Almost like he was trying to probe his mind. And judging from the look, he was minutes away from being able to. “Perjon Dax. Formerly of the USS Ballona. Valedictorian of you class at Starfleet Academy, rank of Lieutenant Commander, advanced tactical training and covert ops, expert in Klingon martial arts and Suus Mahna.” He said, reading form the padd in his hand. “A holding cell. -- Not exactly the place I hoped to find a man like you. Nonetheless, here you are.”

“And you are?” Dax inquired.

“I’m Captain Valom. I’m here to give you a job.” He replied with a very un-Vulcan smile.

Dax shook his head. He didn’t seem to care very much. “If you know so much about me, you should also know that I resigned a year ago. I’m done with Starfleet.“ he said. “If there nothing else, I miss my holding cell.” He rose to leave.

“Just like that?” Valon asked, almost surprised. He had of course read Dax’s file, but not in a million years did he expect this type of treatment. “You don’t even want to know what the job is?”

“No. As i said, I'm done with Starfleet. What i need, they can provide.” Dax said. His arms crossed across his chest. Desperately trying to hide the pain in his abdomen his cellmate had cause two days earlier.

"Vengance?"

"Something like that, yes." Dax replied.

“I see.” Valon shook his head. “Perhaps you’re not the man I was looking for. – Oh, and in case, by some godsend miracle, you turn into the man I was looking for. The Armaita is in spacedock for another 12 hours.” He said, stood up and headed for the door. He halted in the doorway. “My father told me I should look at your file. And I did. Reading it, I was pleasantly surprised. I saw Curzon Dax, the diplomat who negotiated the Khitomer accords. Jadzia Dax, of the house of Martok and a Dominion war veteran. Ezri Dax, one of the officers who stopped the Borg invasion and someone who was a dear friend of mine. And then you. Do you know what I see when I look at you? I see is a drunken, sorry excuse of a Starfleet officer, who can’t do anything but feel sorry for himself. Your ship was destroyed, yes. your friends died. It was tragic. Four hundred people lost their lives. But that's no excuse to let you life and career go down the drain. That's a reason to make something of your life since you were lucky enough to survive. -- The great Dax. What a waste...“

Those were Captain Valon’s last words before he disappeared into the crowd outside the security office.
***

"Are you still here?" Fad'gh asked returning from his rounds on the promenade an hour later. Dax was still sitting in the office contemplating what Valon had said. Maybe he's right, he though. I am a waste. And if i am. What do i do about it?

"
Hey! Are you deaf or something? You're free to go. Get out of my office if you don't want to return to the cell!" the chief barked. Dax slowly stood up and headed for the door.

"You know Chief, I liked you predecessor better. Hell, I liked the old Deep Space Nine better. Have a good day. If its possible for you, that is." he said and left leaving Fad'gh shout something untranslatable after him.


EDIT: might be a good idea to post the link as well, in case it drowns. : http://www.trekbbs.com/showthread.php?t=128474
 
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El Rushbo here!

Now...what say we have ares93 do the pilot, as I said in the other one. What say you both? :)
 
I have an idea for a short bit to go with yours, ares...possibly the events leading up to the fight but I'd understand if you wanted to write that. Either way I want to write a little bit more on DS9...I figure the only one of the original group still there will be Quark, also the only one Perjon doesn't want to avoid, so I was thinking I'd write a short conversation between Quark and Perjon. What do you think? I'll write up a quick draft and post it a little later on. :)

Thanks for posting the link, good thinking. :) Did I mention I like the way you've written Perjon? Easy to sympathize with him, nice writing.

Thanks for joining in, El Rushbo. :) Henceforth that shall be your official appellation.
 
thanks guys. i actually didnt think id get so positive results. i guess CAE was worth it, eh?
well, i'm up for it :) oh and if you want to do fight prologue Tiberius, go ahead. i'm sure we can merge our stories somehow.:techman:

and this is of course still open for debate, but as i wrote in the last section, there is a new DS9 now. in case you want to give quarks your own style. (aside from the broken furniture, that is.)
 
Okay, I think we'd better discuss our concepts here, so we won't have to go back-and-forth. :)

One moment, while i transfer something....

Here we go:

I was relfecting on Ezri and Julian dying together--probably going down in a space battle, or something. I was thinking something slightly along the lines of the "birth" scene in the new film...just she dies, too.

Something romantic, with a "Romeo/Juliet, they-die-together" feel, sans the suicides. Already weakened by the immense strain of the battle affecting the Aventine--and the labor--she basically senses Julian's death...and her heart stops. We see her giving a tight hold on the daughter, as if aware of the troubles the girl would face as an orphan...but then, it's over.

These specifics kinda conflict with other, "Prime-Universe" plans I have in mind for her. Still...I'd say it works nicely here.

(Now that I think of it...if we were to do this, perhaps I would split an episode with someone else...and we'd deal with the NewDax and the child....)

Just so we have a "record" in one spot....
 
just one thing i'd like to say guys. if you have ideas on how to improve my tales, stories, ideas, whatever in the future. please share, although i'm doing CAE for the moment, it would be great to have suggestions on how to improve grammar and such things from people whose native tongue is english.
 
Okay, here's one thing...the first sentence about the Security Officer should read either "despite his size" or "in spite of his size", not "despite of his size." :) That's the only major thing I noticed.
 
Well, here's what I have so far...

It’s a well known fact that Orions come from a planet with higher than average gravity, making their bones and muscles significantly denser than the average humanoid. It’s usually best to avoid fighting Orions hand-to-hand unless you have a clear advantage. Pigheadedness and suicidal tendencies do not count as a clear advantage, as Perjon Dax soon realized.
Quark new, Dax could tell. From the moment Perjon looked up at the bartender, the Ferengi knew what Perjon intended. At first, his suicidal tendencies actually seemed to be a benefit – evidently the Klingons underestimated the damage an angry Trill can do.
“She told you to let go of ‘er.” Dax slurred on purpose, making the Klingon think he was significantly more intoxicated than he really was.
“This does not concern you, Dax.” Galrisan rumbled from his seat. The Klingon glared at Perjon but said nothing, his grip on the Dabo girl’s arm as tight as ever. Perjon smiled and nodded.
“You know what? You’re right. None of my business. I think I’ll sit down.” He replied cheerily.
“That would be wise, Trill.” The Klingon spat. Perjon grinned wider and turned to leave. Well, he pretended to. Pivoting on his heel, he threw his entire body into punching the nearest Klingon directly in the face, and then slammed his elbow into the other Klingon’s throat. Both men went down quickly, but they didn’t stay down, and brandished d’ktaghs for the next round. Galrisan sighed and drained the last of his drink as Perjon knocked the blade from one Klingon’s hand and swung at the other. For a moment, Perjon feared the massive Orion would join in, but he seemed content to watch.
Somehow, it seemed like there were more Klingons than there used to be. Perjon mused on this as a punch connected with his jaw and he fell against a table, lashing out reflexively with his legs and connecting with something that grunted savagely. He could have won the fight right then and there, if Galrisan hadn’t got bored of watching.
“That’s enough!” The Orion crime boss boomed, shoving an angry Klingon away from Perjon. “I have business to conduct!”
It could have been over, but Dax had never known when to quit. It wasn’t until his fist connected with the Orion’s face of granite that he knew he was in trouble.
“Well that was stupid.” Quark chimed helpfully from behind the bar as Perjon had the wind knocked out of him.

*ares’ piece*

“Since when do you tolerate such unsavory characters in this fine establishment?” Perjon quipped as he took a seat once again in Quark’s.
“Ever since I laid eyes on Jadzia.” Quark replied.
“That hurts, Quark, it really hurts.”
“You did start the fight.”
“They had it coming.”
“True, but who cares? Everyone gets what’s coming eventually.”
“So you don’t mind customers pushing the Dabo girls around?”
“She’ll be adequately compensated. Besides, he hadn’t really done anything to her yet.”
“Once a Ferengi…”
“I know, always…rich.”
“That’s not what I was going to say.”
Quark smiled. “So, I heard an interesting rumor.”
“Heard or started?”
“You wound me, Dax. I heard you turned down a job. Apparently Captain Valom thinks you’re a good-for-nothing, lazy brawler with nothing to lose.”
“I am a good-for-nothing lazy brawler with nothing to lose.”
“That doesn’t sound like the Dax I used to know.”
“Well, I’m not as pretty as the Dax you used to know either.”
“True.”
“I don’t know, maybe I should try harder.”
“Where’s the fun in that when you can come here and get beaten half to death? I thought you were a masochist.”
“Never used to be.”
“Cynic.”
“Definitely.”
“You hate this place, don’t you?”
“With a passion.”
“Then what are you still doing here? Your ship leaves in about seven hours.”
“Never thought I’d see the day.”
“What day?”
“Quark encouraging me to go crawling back to Starfleet.”
“I’m not. You always do whatever you want anyways. Sometimes you just don’t know what it is you do want. Until I hit you in the face with it.”
Perjon sighed and leaned back in his chair. “You know as much as I hate to admit it…”
“I’m right.” Quark interrupted.
“You’re right.”
“I’m always right. See you around, Dax.”
“Maybe, maybe not. You’re the best, Quark.”
“I try.”
“Goodbye, scoundrel.”
“Goodbye, masochist.”

It was fun to right, what do you guys think? Just an idea, obviously.
 
its good Tiberius. :techman: i was hoping for Dax to have a little more luck than a straight knockout but still, i like it.

BTW: i removed the date on my tale, kinda inconsistent if quark is alive in 2496. we need to come up with a fate for ezri first before we set the year and date.
 
^Well, he took the Klingons on pretty well...it's not hard and fast whether he fought back against Galrisan or not. :)

Good idea about the date, we need to know a bit of the background and setting before we get to far into this.
 
its good Tiberius. :techman: i was hoping for Dax to have a little more luck than a straight knockout but still, i like it.

BTW: i removed the date on my tale, kinda inconsistent if quark is alive in 2496. we need to come up with a fate for ezri first before we set the year and date.

Okay.

So...what do you two think? Should it be like in my aforementioned proposal, where--

Ezri and Julian die "together", while she's captain of Aventine, say, ten years or so after Destiny (2390's), and NewDax has to face the daughter he never knew...

or--

Ezri and Julian live to full old age, Julian survives Ezri, and NewDax has to face him and "their" children...

or something else?
 
Okay.

So...what do you two think? Should it be like in my aforementioned proposal, where--

Ezri and Julian die "together", while she's captain of Aventine, say, ten years or so after Destiny (2390's), and NewDax has to face the daughter he never knew...

I'm currently working on a tale involving a similar situation. Both parents die on a mission. The father is a joined Trill and the symbiont survives. When its put into the next host he becomes overwhelmed with the last host's guilt of leaving his child without a father and mother(since the last host was the one who ordered the mission). So the new host tries to take care of the child in spite of Trill tradition and when the Symbiosis commission finds out, the shit hits the fan.

Thing is, you can give a story an interesting spin with this type of thing.
To quote Jeff O'Connor: "This thread is exploding with powerful dialogue and dramatic revelations!"

Ezri and Julian live to full old age, Julian survives Ezri, and NewDax has to face him and "their" children...
Truthfully, although I love your proposal. I couldn't stand anything bad happening to Ezri and Julian. (just a pointer though, it doesn't really matter in the long run, but its Ezri that outlives Julian. Might have not been clear in my second post, but time travel was involved)


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copy pasta from The new Dax - Deep Space Nine subforum


As I said, I'd prefer a daughter. I dunno...but
Same here, I vote for a daughter too.

somehow, the idea of the girl being their first child appeals to me. See...I have long been toying with the concept of Ezri having a disability where she is unable to bear children--something she's had all her life. Thus, this would be a most emotional time, for her. Tech would have advanced enough so that Julian would be able to provide a "cure", or some other reason that gave her this opportunity. This, of course, adds to the tragedy....
I have a Deanna Troi feeling about this idea. It already been done once in Titan. Dunno... We can try it though, and see how it ends up.

Okay! Let's look at it in the fanfic thread, and let's check it out. Worst case...perhaps I could take the elements and put them into my concept....:)
Aight, I'd better get cracking then. Its not going to translate itself, eh?
 
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Okay.

So...what do you two think? Should it be like in my aforementioned proposal, where--

Ezri and Julian die "together", while she's captain of Aventine, say, ten years or so after Destiny (2390's), and NewDax has to face the daughter he never knew...

I'm currently working on a tale involving a similar situation. Both parents die on a mission. The father is a joined Trill and the symbiont survives. When its put into the next host he becomes overwhelmed with the last host's guilt of leaving his child without a father and mother(since the last host was the one who ordered the mission). So the new host tries to take care of the child in spite of Trill tradition and when the Symbiosis commission finds out, the shit hits the fan.

Thing is, you can give a story an interesting spin with this type of thing.
To quote Jeff O'Connor: "This thread is exploding with powerful dialogue and dramatic revelations!"

Ezri and Julian live to full old age, Julian survives Ezri, and NewDax has to face him and "their" children...
Truthfully, although I love your proposal. I couldn't stand anything bad happening to Ezri and Julian. (just a pointer though, it doesn't really matter in the long run, but its Ezri that outlives Julian. Might have not been clear in my second post, but time travel was involved)

Noted. :)

And under normal circumstances, neither could I. In my universe, none of this would ever happen under my watch! (Same for your own, I imagine.)

Still...in order to make a NewDax, we'll sadly have to kill off our beloved Ezri. Ah, well...if she's gonna go, she'd better go in a stylistic, romantic way that's in character for her.

somehow, the idea of the girl being their first child appeals to me. See...I have long been toying with the concept of Ezri having a disability where she is unable to bear children--something she's had all her life. Thus, this would be a most emotional time, for her. Tech would have advanced enough so that Julian would be able to provide a "cure", or some other reason that gave her this opportunity. This, of course, adds to the tragedy....
I have a Deanna Troi feeling about this idea. It already been done once in Titan. Dunno... We can try it though, and see how it ends up.

Actually, I'd planned it out before I'd heard of all that. I see your point, though....

There are a couple differences. Namely,

1) Ezri was born with this--it's no surprise to her. Deanna didn't realize this until her miscarriage--and it was a temporary problem.

2) Ezri's inability is actually a bit of characterization. The fact that she can't have children of her own...and the fact that she has a very strong maternal nature...was a big part of her desire to become a counselor, rather than a "psychologist" in general. It was a way of channeling it in a way that would nurture others, and help them grow.
 
Noted. :)

And under normal circumstances, neither could I. In my universe, none of this would ever happen under my watch! (Same for your own, I imagine.)

Still...in order to make a NewDax, we'll sadly have to kill off our beloved Ezri. Ah, well...if she's gonna go, she'd better go in a stylistic, romantic way that's in character for her.

Well, all right then. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, I suppose.

Oh, and you're right. I'd rather have her killed by us than some Ezri-hater who can't give her a decent death...

Actually, I'd planned it out before I'd heard of all that. I see your point, though....

There are a couple differences. Namely,

1) Ezri was born with this--it's no surprise to her. Deanna didn't realize this until her miscarriage--and it was a temporary problem.

2) Ezri's inability is actually a bit of characterization. The fact that she can't have children of her own...and the fact that she has a very strong maternal nature...was a big part of her desire to become a counselor, rather than a "psychologist" in general. It was a way of channeling it in a way that would nurture others, and help them grow.
In that case. I'm in. I just didn't want to do a Deanna ripoff. But if were going for that angle, i have no problem with it. There are enough differences and a big enough back story to keep it... Well, ours...

Tiberius? Your view on the matter?


Btw. going to upload a short section later on. A conversation between Valon and his acting XO on the Dax matter. I kept Ezri's fate vague but it can be easily edited to include whatever we decide.

And we need a ship name. he has to serve somewhere. suggestions: Armaita, Trafalgar, Eudemus, Campbell, Tethys, Leran Manev... got more if needed.
 
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I like that angle...I'm not big on killing Ezri but it just happens to be necessary for the new Dax. I like the idea of NewDax trying to raise/help 'his' child and breaking the rules...so he's banned from Trill, resigned from Starfleet, and reduced to fighting Orions much larger than he is. Ouch.
Trafalgar sounds cool...Captain Valon seems awesome, do we have any backstory on him or is he a first time character for you? And what's the job he has in mind? Of course, Dax is the important one at the moment but some strong supporting characters won't hurt, that's where you get foils from. :) And if their missions ever take them to Trill that could cause some interesting conflict between the Symbiosis Commission and Starfleet. Pretty much ensures he's the last host too, doesn't it?
 
I like that angle...I'm not big on killing Ezri but it just happens to be necessary for the new Dax. I like the idea of NewDax trying to raise/help 'his' child and breaking the rules...so he's banned from Trill, resigned from Starfleet, and reduced to fighting Orions much larger than he is. Ouch.
Trafalgar sounds cool...Captain Valon seems awesome, do we have any backstory on him or is he a first time character for you? And what's the job he has in mind? Of course, Dax is the important one at the moment but some strong supporting characters won't hurt, that's where you get foils from. :) And if their missions ever take them to Trill that could cause some interesting conflict between the Symbiosis Commission and Starfleet. Pretty much ensures he's the last host too, doesn't it?


Captain Valon is a first time character, yes. Just something that popped into my head. However i'm working on something that explains his interest in Dax and it goes back quite a few years. I should be able to post it tonight. And to explain his "human-ness". I intended him to be a Vtosh'ka'tur. He's one of those Vulcan's who doesn't suppress their emotions. The job is the XO position on Valon's ship btw.
 
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I like that angle...I'm not big on killing Ezri but it just happens to be necessary for the new Dax. I like the idea of NewDax trying to raise/help 'his' child and breaking the rules...so he's banned from Trill, resigned from Starfleet, and reduced to fighting Orions much larger than he is. Ouch.
Trafalgar sounds cool...Captain Valon seems awesome, do we have any backstory on him or is he a first time character for you? And what's the job he has in mind? Of course, Dax is the important one at the moment but some strong supporting characters won't hurt, that's where you get foils from. :) And if their missions ever take them to Trill that could cause some interesting conflict between the Symbiosis Commission and Starfleet. Pretty much ensures he's the last host too, doesn't it?

I agree. U.S.S. Trafalgar, Captain Valon.

Now...my thoughts were

NewDax doesn't truly "interact" with the daughter until the Ezri "Rite of Emergence" ep--or at least, not as "long lost parent". And the reason for that is...I want to show Ezri's reaction at seeing her daughter, whom she hasn't seen since her birth, all grown up. Perhaps NewDax finding himself comforting a past host...gaining strength from it. Near the end of my ep, we could have Ezri (though NewDax as an "interpereter" of sorts, a la "Ghost Whisperer", or something) speaking trough her tears, as she reveals her innermost feelings about this girl, and how sorry Ezri is that she couldn't live to see her grow up, etc.

Perhaps as an explanation...NewDax (have we basically accepted "Perjon" yet?) has kinda pushed his Ezri memories aside, because of the pain?

Captain Valon is a first time character, yes. Just something that popped into my head. However i'm working on something that explains his interest in Dax and it goes back quite a few years. I should be able to post it tonight. And to explain his "human-ness". I intended him to be a Vtosh'ka'tur. He's one of those Vulcan's who doesn't suppress their emotions. The job is the XO position on Valon's ship btw.

Ah! I love it--a V'tosh ka'tur. We have to make him respectable--an awesome guy you want to cheer on (in a different sense than The Mighty Robau, but you get the idea...).
 
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