While I do agree that it's unfair that Iris is literally the only main character not to know Barry's secret, I don't really have a problem with Barry and Joe keeping it from her. While isn't fair to her, it makes perfect sense that her father and the guy who's been in love with her since they were kids would try their best to protect her.
But it would be better if they
respected her. It's infantilizing to treat her as some fragile china doll who needs to be sheltered from reality. I understand their point of view, but the fundamental problem here is that it isn't just the men's points of view that matter. When it comes to decisions about Iris's life, it should be Iris's point of view that gets first consideration. So much sexism in the world comes from men assuming that they need to protect women and make decisions on their behalf rather than just accepting that they're independent adults who can protect themselves. It doesn't matter that they mean well; what matters is the impact it has on women's lives.
Sorry, I'm a few days behind and I'm replying from upthread, this may have been covered...
I agree that Joe is treating Iris as an infant but disagree that this all about gender, unless you are writing for a first year women's studies course. This is a typical thing parents do, especially when their children are in their early twenties. A parent's conception of who their children are includes a ten to fifteen year period when their children were immature and not competent to make their own decisions. The child's conception of who they are, in terms of their decision making, generally covers the last couple of years of recent memory. There is a natural conflict between parents and children that affects most families at some point or another. This natural conflict is being used by the plot. That doesn't make Joe right, it makes him a more realistic character.
I disagree that Barry is treating Iris as an infant. He is treating her as
a junior reporter who will go off half-cocked if she finds out that her mentor was murdered and release information that will put all of them at the mercy of a sociopath, at a point where they don't have sufficient information to deal with said sociopath. Let's not forget that Wells/Reverse Flash has already directly threatened Joe and his family if Joe continued to investigate. If Iris was still just working at a coffee shop and not writing a blog about the Flash but instead about coffee, then there would be no reason to keep her in the dark. At the same time she would be so far out of the action there would be no reason to tell her either.
Barry's feelings on this are magnified by his emotions for Iris, which have no other outlet. Barry himself is infantilized by the plot here; he is the typical nerd (along with Cisco) who has no concept of how to deal with the opposite gender, feelings of love, or sexual attraction while in his mid twenties.
I disagree that Eddie is treating Iris as an infant. Eddie is torn between Joe's pressure (which has been established between the characters regularly since the two began dating,) Barry's logical concerns, and his own sense of the wrongness of all of this.
Ultimately the plot has to keep Eddie as good guy but result in the breakup between him and Iris. It has to keep Barry as the good guy that Iris can eventually love openly. It requires a conflict here, that is the real reason for keeping Iris in the dark, because she has to have a reason to get mad and yet not end up hating her friends and family.
