Kirk: [talking to teammates outside the Klingon Fortress] Okay, guys, these Klingons have given us a lot of trouble in the past. Uh, does anybody need anything off these guys or can we bypass them?
McCoy: I think Sulu needs something.
Kirk: Does he need those crystals?
McCoy: Yeah, that will help him heal better.
Kirk: [sighs] Christ. Okay, here's what we'll do, I'll run in first, gather up all the crystals, and then we can kinda just blast them all down with phasers. I'll try to scatter them, so we don't have to fight a whole bunch of them at once. That's when I'll need Scotty to come in and take up position on the other side of the entrance, so we can keep them scattered and not have to fight too many. Bones, you follow after Scotty and do the same thing. We'll be in trouble if we don't take them down quick. I think this is a pretty good plan, we should be able to pull it off this time. What do you think Spock? What are the odds?
Spock: I estimate our chances of survival to be 1,238.7 to 1.
Kirk: Well, that's a lot better than we usually do. All right, you think we're ready guys? [interrupted]
Sulu: Alright chums, (I'm back)! Let's do this... HIKARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRU SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULU! [runs into fortress]
-Short pause-
Scotty [incredulous]: Oh my God. He just ran in! [runs in]
McCoy: Save him!
Kirk: Oh jeez, stick to the plan.
Scotty: Oh jeez, let's go, let's go! [follows]
Spock: Gentlemen, we must stay the course.
Kirk: Stick to the plan!
Scotty: Oh jeez, oh fuck!
Chekov: Lay down covering fire! Hurry up!
Kirk: Fire at will!
Chekov: My phaser's power cell is drained! I can't move, am I lagging, guys?
Uhura: I can't move!
Scotty: What the...what the hell?
Uhura: I can't contact the ship!
Scotty: Oh my God...
Spock: The crystals are morphing into some form of quadrupedal creatures.
Scotty: Phasers are just bouncin' offa them!
Uhura: Oh my God!
Sulu: We got em, we got em!
Chekov: I got it! I got it!
[muffled shouts]
Uhura: Uhura to Enterprise!
[muffled shouts]
Kirk: Kirk's down. Kirk's down.
Scotty: Oh my God...
Kirk: God dammit, Sulu!
Scotty: God dammit!
Uhura: Sulu, you moron!
McCoy: I'm on it.
Kirk: Listen, this is ridiculous.
Chekov: You dipshits!
Scotty: I'm down, Scotty down. God dammit!
shouting, then a pause, followed by other put-downs]
Chekov: Chekov is down.
Spock: This is our 37th consecutive failed attempt to negotiate this obstacle.
Scotty: Uhura, beam us out! Uhura, beam us out!
Uhura: I'm trying!
Kirk: Why do you do this shit, Sulu?
Sulu: [cries] It's not my fault!
Scotty: Who's got a distress beacon?
Kirk: Somebody's got a distress beacon, right?
Spock: Yes, but I believe its battery is exhausted.
Scotty: [noticing everybody is dead]: ... Oh God...
Kirk: Oh for - [sighs, nearly chokes and swallows] Great job!
Scotty: For Christ's sake!
McCoy: Sulu, you are just stupid as hell.
Uhura: Nimrod.
Chekov: Oh my God...
Sulu: At least I've got gagh.