Starship Grissom, Education Out Of This World!

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[Maurice]

Congrats. I think this is a splendid idea.

I realize you probably have several of these already in the post-production pipeline, so what I'm going to suggest may not be feasible in the very next segments, but I hope you'll consider them for future.

1. There are educational films for kids, not Star Trek fans. There's a far amount of fan-service in here that I don't think you need and which unnecessarily clutter up the narrative.
   • "Miranda class" 
"We have rendezvoused with the USS ship-that-is-just-leaving-so-why-mention-it", etc.
   • "Warp core" means nothing to a non-fan, so why not "engine room"?
   • Why waste all this bandwidth talking about the Neutral Zone and how to avoid it when the Klingons show up anyway? Just keep it simple like "The optimal location for viewing the supernova puts us in disputed space," and be done with it.
2. Be cautious about mixing real science with make-believe science and I think you'd better serve kids by just really only addressing the real science and just duck anything that's not real.
3. Some of the performers talk too fast and don't enunciate clearly enough.
   • Also, the engineer's phony accent makes his dialog harder to understand than need be. Again the audience is kids.
4. The title sequence is needlessly long and likely not interesting to the target audience. I think you'd be better off just displaying the show name and episode title and maybe a little "Final Frontier" intro which sets up the mission in a few lines. Move all the cast credits to the end credit roll.

That said, I applaud what you're trying to do here!

 

[Maurice]

One question: what grades/age are these targeted at?