StarMan's women woes - what is up with this???

[StarMan]

Hello. Long time no posting.

I was logging in and thought what the hell, I've come to my fellow BBSers enough times in the past so why not now?

Anyway.

I am a manager within a bar establishment and have developed a friendship with a girl who is one of the patrons - she frequents on the weekends, as I do on my day shifts. We gradually got to know each other a wee bit over the months before heading out on a hedonistic boozy bus trip together, where we both recall snogging at a venue neither of us can recall (due to our inebriated state - nice one!)

Now the status quo remained and we were chummy etc. Then her mates thought it would be a super idea that her and I hooked up because "I'm such a great guy". Nice, huh? This has been said due to the fact she hasn't had the best luck in choosing a half-decent guy.

We've socialised here and there - oh, and I'll mention now she's got two young children - but I've stayed at her place four times over the past couple of months after we've hung out. First: Couch. Second: Her daughter's room (her daughter was of course NOT present). Third: Her bed - nothing happened. Forth: Her bed + back massage before we both nodded off.

This may sound egotistical, but when I've had women interested in me they haven't typically mucked around. I'M the one who has been pounced upon. I guess I'm conflicted as to what potential this current situation has. I like her, but is there something worth pursuing? 'Cause it feels as though I'm advancing in minute steps (not that this is solely about a sexual encounter).

Anyway feel free to make sense of the above rant and if you have any advice throw it my way. Ah! Good to get off the chest.

 

[Jenee]

Starman!! Hi! How's it going?

...you know, aside from the women troubles...

 

[StarMan]

LOL. It's the best year I've had in a while to be honest. Also ironic I'm doing better financially than I ever have and we're in the midst of a recession. How long this will last remains to be seen given the fact the company I work for is in receivership.

Anyways... To the topic at hand.

 

[An Officer]

So, you're serious about this woman? Or you just wanna' know what's stopping her jumping you?

 

[Jenee]

My advice - just kiss her already.

Women don't want a wishy-washy guy. Women want a man who knows what he wants and goes after it - well, without being too aggressive.

If you haven't made a move yet, she may be thinking you're not interested in her.

 

[Koinek]

I'm guessing if you were happy with the status quo, you wouldn't be posting here. You obviously want to take things a bit further sexually. My suggestion start doing so but make sure you listen to what she's telling/signaling about how she feels. In my experience, most women know where their limits are and aren't shy about letting you know when you get to them. Just make sure to be decisive and attentive either way. When you decide to move forward, go for it. When you're asked to stop and go back a little, stop and peddle it back. This is a pace issue. Soon you will both find one that you're both comfortable with moving at. Just make sure that you're not disappointed if you go slower than you would ordinarily prefer.

Hope things work out.

 

[Teelie]

My advice - just kiss her already.

Women don't want a wishy-washy guy. Women want a man who knows what he wants and goes after it - well, without being too aggressive.

If you haven't made a move yet, she may be thinking you're not interested in her.

Did you not read.... he slept in bed with her twice. They're past holding hands and flirty glances but not sex so it's a fair bet it's obvious they are interested in each other. I'm going to assume though that the kids are an issue for one or both.

This is all a broad generalization but I am thinking it probably has occured or will occur to them eventually:

The mother is, I am hoping, taking it slow for the sake of the children. Their "father is being replaced" is a typical thought when mommy brings home a new "daddy" and if they move too far too fast, it breaks down and he's gone, leaving her alone with the kids.

Simotaneously there is the pressure of becoming the new father to the children. Or that the children will reject you as a father figure. Or become hostile towards you for trying.

It might not even be that but something else. The woman is certainly not acting like the stereotypical single mother out looking for new daddy material for her kids. Which is a good sign for StarMan. She seems to be looking at him for him, not for how he stacks up as the next daddy.

 

[Jenee]

Some women can be very selfish in these areas. She wants company, and if she's not getting it from the kind of guy she wants, she will not hesitate to use a "lesser" guy to be her "friend" (i.e. slobber all over her and keep her ego satiated while keeping him on a string.)

I bet if Star man moves in for more than a kiss, she'll back out like she's been stung by a bee.

If not, then she's been waiting for him to make the next move.

 

[Koinek]

*bump* *bump*

Do we have any updates?

 

[The Grim Ghost]

Just try something and see what happens.

It's better to know for sure if she's interested in you or not, even if you are rejected.

Also, don't wait too long. I'm sure some people will jump in and say "that's not true" when I say this, and it certainly isn't a law of the universe..but I've found you only have a certain amount of time to make some sort of move on a woman after you meet. Usually it seems to be two weeks to a month, though it can be longer.

If you wait too long, you WILL slide into the friend zone and no longer be seen in "that way".

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

Well since she is a single mother do you know anything about her marriage or relationships since the end of the marriage? She might have been hurt and is hesitant to jump into a sexual relationship with someone she cares about. I would make a more direct move into the intimate area. Just because it is the 21st century some women still don't feel they should be the one to jump some guys bones and want him to make the initial move. Good luck.

 

[Candlelight]

Stand naked in her doorway with whipped cream on your privates and ask if she feels like a twinky.

 

[Finn]

Make a move. I've done many things with my sweetie without asking. I did it gently of course. She loves it. Just do it but be respectful.