Star Trek XI Caption Contest #16: What the *Beep*?!

[Rat Boy]

Just a little burst of impulse power and we'll do the rest with thrusters, because it's time for another caption contest. First up, let's gawk at...

For making me hit up Google, our first winner is...

Alternate final line:

AYEL: My captain has brought us here from the 24th century. He wishes to know where he can find... I believe
they are called... "unicorn balls"?
ROBAU: Seattle, pointy-ears, but you are too late: they were outlawed long ago as a coronary health hazard.
Ha ha! You have come to the wrong damn century!

AYEL: My captain says you will come aboard our ship via shuttlecraft at once. He has a...
(smiles) "coronary health hazard" of his own he would like to discuss with you.

For not quite letting him down gently, our winner is...

McCoy: Let me remove those bandages from your face, Good GOD! Well, the good news is you're blind...

For mankind's worst motivational speaker outside of Zapp Branigan, our winner is...

Pike (OS): "I know each and every one of you will give your very best on this mission. Even so, I still think we've got a fair chance of success!"

A special award for the Internet meme that still refuses to die...

IN A.D. 2259... WAR WAS BEGINNING

Redshirt: What happen?
McCoy: Somebody set up us the bomb.

Chekov: We get signal!
Sulu: Main screen turn on.

Robau: It's you!
Ayel: How are you gentlemen. All your Kelvin are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.

And a Photoshop award for J.J. Abrams' reboot of a "classic," if it could be called that...

Robau: Did you say "Crank-whore"?

Congratulations to the winners. In this episode, Kirk makes good on his threat to throw up on McCoy. Next, Sarek finally admits that Spock was adopted. And finally, Bruce Greenwood finally has enough of all the beeping jokes and is a split second from taking out his frustrations on Chris Pine. Have fun and see you all in three weeks:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "A starship? What is it?"

McCoy: "It's a big vessel that travels through space faster than the speed of light, but that's not important right now."

Sarek: "But the one thing I'll miss the most about your mother is the sex. Good lord, son, we could go on for days..."

Spock: "I think that's enough bonding for one day, Father. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go stick my head in the warp core."

Kirk: "A wheelchair? Hey, wait a minute, you were walking just fine back on the Enterprise."

Pike: "Shhhhhhhh! Workman's Comp claim. I'll be on vacation until the 24th Century."

 

[M'Sharak]

...

For making me hit up Google, our first winner is...

Heh heh, my job here is done. (Okay, I'll stick the thread, too.)

Thanks for the win!

 

[Woulfe]

Star Trek : IX keep on trying.....

McCoy : My god look at the size of that thing......

Kirk : That's what she said.....

McCoy : What is it with you anyway ?

Kirk : Ask me that question again in 40 years....

Serek : About your half-brother......

Spock ( Jack Face ) : W H A T ?!?!

Serek : Perhaps now isn't a good time to bring that up....

Pike : I just want you all to know that the tradition of Red Shirts dieing horribly in Star Trek continues......

Red Shirts : We are ssssssooooo screwed....

Pike : I want you all to take notes on how many ways you can die, where's Ensign Mallory ?

Guy pushing Pike's chair : Home with the flu.....

Pike : Well, someone fill him in later then, anyway, one of the ways you can die is tripping over an exploding rock while on a planet surface....

 

[Sector 7]

Kirk: Bones, this may be a bad time to tell you, but I have always found you attractive.

Spock: Father, one of your zippers is still open.
Sarek: Thank you, Spock. Oh, and do not let anyone light a match in that bathroom.

Kirk: Can I please, please have my ship now?

Pike: No, you will have to work your way up like everyone else. It should take about 3 years or so.

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Are they taking us to the Enterprise?

McCoy: No they're taking the other shuttles there, we're being sent directly into the sun.

Sarek: Speak your mind Spock.

Spock: I love Uhura.

Sarek: Well, I approve. But Your mothers approval...

Pike: And then I told them, if they were gonna interrupt my spa weekend, they'd have to wheel me directly to the ceremony. Didn't think they'd take me up on it.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: I can't belive they changed the design of the ship!!! Is nothing sacred?????

MCCOY: Hundreds of cadets and I gotta sit next to a fanboy!!!!

SPOCK: What were you doing in Perrin's quarters?

SAREK: I've moved on Spock...

SPOCK: It's been ten minutes!!!!!

KIRK:Could be worse, you still got your face.

 

[Rat Boy]

SPOCK: What were you doing in Perrin's quarters?

SAREK: I've moved on Spock...

SPOCK: It's been ten minutes!!!!!

Sarek: "Nine minutes and eight seconds. For a Vulcan, that is almost an eternity."

 

[alte]

Bones: "What in the hell is that...?!?

Kirk: " Oh, that's just Space Hamster...he's always out here.

 

[Aragorn]

MCCOY: "I don't see anything."

KIRK: "I'm not making this up! It was right there on the wing!"

SAREK: "Spock, with so few Vulcans left, you have an obligation to mate with as many of our females as you can in order to repopulate our species."

SPOCK: "I understand. Please give these condoms to Lt. Uhura and tell her I won't be needing them anymore."

KIRK: "I told you this would happen to you if you kept going to Exotica to see Naked Mandy in her schoolgirl outfit, but you wouldn't listen to me."

PIKE: "It was worth it."

 

[Sector 7]

MCCOY: "I don't see anything."

KIRK: "I'm not making this up! It was right there on the wing!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Is that Uhura in Shuttle 10?

MCCOY: Yup and she's naked!

KIRK: Who's that with her?

MCCOY: Your favorite pointy eared bastard!

 

[alte]

Re: Star Trek XI Caption Contest #16: What the *Geek*?!

 

[Gepard]

Re: Star Trek XI Caption Contest #16: What the *Geek*?!

"Congratulations, Captain. Your father would be–"

"BZZZZZZZZTHTHTHTHBTHTHZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZTHTHTHTHBTHTHZZZZZZZ
BZZZZZZZZTHTHTHTHBTHTHZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZTHTHTHTHBTHTHZZZZZZZ
BZZZZZZZZTHTHTHTHBTHTHZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZTHTHTHTHBTHTHZZZZZZZ...."

"...This is worse than those Goddamn sombreros."

 

[bullethead]

Kirk: Hey Bones, what are the odds Gaila got assigned to the Enterprise?
McCoy: Why do you care about that? Have you finally decided to have a relationship, instead of banging every girl in sight?
Kirk: No, no, it's just that we never actually got to do it last night and I have a terrible case of blue balls.
McCoy: You have no idea how much I hate you right now.

Sarek: So, I assume that you decided to model your life on that of William Adama.
Spock: What makes you say that?
Sarek: Considering the fact that you beat that boy when you were younger and the beating you gave to Kirk a few minutes ago, the correlation seemed apt.

Kirk: Uh, thanks for giving me command of the Enterprise, but that doesn't really alter the fact that my "girlfriend" is dead.
Pike: Kirk, there'll be other Orions. Nothing turns them on more than a starship captain.

 

[M'Sharak]

"No, sir - I don't know how much it cost to repair the Enterprise after I... ehm, "took it out for a spin"... but I'll bet
that you or one of these dudes in the grey suits is going to be good enough to lay it on me, aaaany second now."

"You do realize that your fly was open during your entire beatdown of young Kirk, do you not?"
"I- ..." (looks)
"It gets them every time."

 

[Jackson_Roykirk]

Sarek: Your mother was an incredible woman, Spock.
For Valentine's Day, she would shave her nether regions into the shape of a heart -- like this...

Spock: Actually, Father, that looks like an arrow, pointing downward.

Sarek: Hmmm. Yes -- it could be that too, I suppose. That would be logical...
...[sigh] I shall miss that woman.

McCoy: Wait--take a look at those warp nacelles. Th-They're......blue?!
Kirk: [under his breath] O...M...[loudly] GEEEEE!!!

 

[Woulfe]

Star Trek XI : Running Gag XI

Kirk : What are we looking at ?

McCoy : We're looking at NOW.....

Kirk : What happened to then ?

McCoy : We missed it....

Kirk : When ?

McCoy : Just now.

Kirk : You do know that by doing this YET again, that this is now a Running Gag ?

McCoy : It is ?

Kirk : The Running Gag was invented by animation director Tex Avery in the mid 20th century....

McCoy : Really, it was ?

Kirk : Not really, but I had to sneak in a reference to Tex Avery in here during one of these caption contests.

McCoy : I hate you.

 

[B.J.]

MCCOY: "I don't see anything."

KIRK: "I'm not making this up! It was right there on the wing!"

PIKE: "The same thing happened to ME!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

PIKE: Wheel me a little closer so I can knee this punk in the nuts.